24-Hour Republican Party People

New Rule: Republicans changed their party before -- from the party that freed the slaves to the party that freed Scooter Libby -- and they survived. Now it's time for them to stop pretending they're still the party of Reagan and take up a new banner: The Party of Superfreaky Superfreaks.

This week, the chairman of the St. Petersburg, Florida, City Council was accused of having sex with his two adopted daughters and their nanny. And he could have been in real trouble, too, if it turned out the nanny was an illegal. But he got ahead of the story when he killed himself by sitting in the garage with the doors closed and the riding lawn mower on.

Two guesses which party he was a member of. And the first guess doesn't count.

And that's not fair. You knew he was a Republican, because even in death, he was still wasting gas.

Republicans sex scandals are getting to be like Iraqi car bombings. By the time you hear about one, there's been another. Ted Haggard, Mark Foley, Bob Allen, Vitter, Craig... It's like "Clue" only the answer is always "A Republican... in the washroom... with his cock."

The Republicans should run on that. "America: You're 230 But We'll Still Fuck You." Especially if you're a dude.

It's not really inspiring, but it's better than "Mitt Romney: He Has Hair."

Bill Maher is the host of HBO's "Real Time with Bill Maher" which airs every Friday at 11PM.

Comments

[aperson]

you know, this is strangely reminds me of the catholic church scandei...­re: repressed sexual urges. i know, i was raised catholic. i'm an athiest now. food for thought, possibly.

[JDangelo]

Bill PLEEEEEASE run for President!

[thegaygardener]

The funniest damn post ever!!
It would be even funnier if it wasn't all true.

[Yukon Jack]

Something wrong with your spelling!

Surely, you meant: "phoniest damn post ever".

And it is not funny because none of it is true.

[barrycourage]

The mayor might simply have been trying to get chummy with his constituents. St. Pete has long been known as the city where the dead aren't buried but seated on park benches.

The guy is also a typical Republican in other ways than you describe, Bill. Greedy, pretentious, AND cheap. I think he used the riding mower not to waste the gas but to conserve it.

Croaking in his Cadillac Escalade would have cost ten times as much.

[Pete Ross]

He ran the gas out of two vehicles parked in the garage too.

[zaft]

I beg to differ with you barrycourage: St. Pete is where the old people live. Their parents live in Sarasota!!!! LOL

[starboymikey]

Men's dicks have no party affiliation, and never have.

But I'll be the Extremely Chaste Party (otherwise known as Republican­s)continue to hamnmer away at "family values" in 2008, and the lemmings they lead will continue to follow them right over the cliff.

[GQTaste]

Bill, I can't believe you had that rapper on your show! That was your worst show i've ever seen! It gives entertainers a bad image who really want to help out w/ different issues.

as ever
GQtaste

[JimHinCO]

Now don't get me wrong here I'm not defending the Republicans, but there are Democrats who cheat on their wives, even while preaching, err..decla­ring, otherwise. They even have been known to cheat with men...no worse than a woman in my opinion, but that's neither here nor there.

Being gay or bi isn't the problem here, it's being promiscuous while in a committed relationship. If the relationship is open, then I don't really care, that's their business. If it's closed, it's not really my business either, at least not on the personal level.

What the Republicans have done, is given SEX incredible power. Not only can it give life through conception, but can banish you from heaven, ruin your career, etc.

So while I fear being bitter as more hypocrites fall, I'd rather remind them there is another way. A party that is tolerant to those who are forgiving and tolerant.

The Republicans constantly say, "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything."

Let's stand together as humans first and Americans second..pa­rty lines don't really matter. I don't care how you voted 3 years ago, what will you do today and tomorrow to make America a better place?

If cheating on your spouse and molesting your kids is all you've got, I don't care which party you cling to, that's just selfish.

[JimHinCO]

Oops, I didn't finish that train of thought: The Republicans constantly say, "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." What they really mean is if you are going to fall, it's okay if it's to kiss their asses.

Pretty amazing how a party that claims to be Christian have lost the entire concept of humility.

[flipside]

Mr. Jim, you really should have skipped the 2nd post. The 1st one was "stand alone", and decent. I only wish that for a single day you could experience life as a citizen of some other country. Like in "It's a Wonderful Life"... It would be your reality. When that day was over, you'd never again give consideration to putting your nationality 2nd to anything..­..

[spicegal]

Yep, the Rethuglicans are quite the dysfunctional bunch aren't they? Is it any wonder the country is falling apart? How is it possible that there are still people supporting this sick and twisted party?

[FreedomCorpse]

A person would think the republicans would be as sick of their party as I am of what passes for the democratic party. I guess a single payer healthcare system would just kill them...sin­ce they are so perfectly healthy and ALL of them can easily afford private insurance whether they're employed or not. Yeah sure...

[Pete Ross]

Because their pastors, priests and ministers tell them to.
As long as the Republicans are anti-choice, pro-gun and homophobic they will continue to get the backing of the mental midgets in their "core".

[gettysburg]

Geez, I'm actually starting to feel sorry for these low class,lyin­g,hypocrit­ical scumbags..­....NOT!!!­!!

[vale409]

As usual Bill, well put!
I still believe promiscuity runs rampant in both camps. Since most lately do seem to be Republicans, it just goes to show how the G.O.P. used and quite frankly needed the Evangelical vote starting with Ronald Reagan. Cracks me up because for so long the party of Liberals was made out to be the only promiscuous party. Hopefully people will vote issues in '08, ahhh...unl­ess they're intending on voting for Giulianni :)

[FreedomCorpse]

well put vale409.

[lisakaz]

Awesome again, Bill. Because it's funny and it's true and you know just how to expess the idiocy of it all. Thanks.

[Manx]

Bill - would like to see Aaron Brown on your show. Would like to hear his story.

[WTFbush]

Bill - would also like to see Aaron Brown on your show.

Mahalo,
Aaron Brown

[Qbear]

Hookers, Hustlers, Escorts, Hooter's waitresses you too can serve your country. Next Republican "JOHN"comes prowling around, save a little DNA from a dress, a panty, a bedsheet, a condom, video and phone camera pics are good too.
Minneapolis my home for 50 years has the Kink Squad (otherwise known as Republican Delegates, candidates, and notable spokesquee­rs..er...s­pokespeopl­e) arriving for their convention 08. Send all samples to Larry Flynt, Mike Rogers, and Michealangelo Signorille. Rebuilding America one skank at a time.

[JimHinCO]

I'd of rather he went to prison.

[WTFbush]

Answer: Have Tony Snow talk to the dead Republicans and give them instructions.

What Tony Snow's not dead yet? His answers to the questions reaked of death.