Let Bush Be Reagan

New Rule: For the next 18 months, let Bush be Reagan. A completely dissociative personality who lets the real work of the nation go on elsewhere, while he sits behind his desk and hums. I don't think the problem is that Bush lives in a bubble. I say make the bubble thicker. Use the armor we can't get to the troops. For example, on this whole "bomb Iran" thing. Let's not, and just tell him we did.

Who's going to tell him the truth? Rove? Gonzales? Rummy? Scooter? Harriet Miers? It's like a haunted house. The douchebag cupboard is bare.

According to the Times of London, the Air Force has drawn up plans for massive strikes against 1,200 targets in Iran. The plan doesn't just call for eliminating Iran's nuclear program, but for taking out its entire military in one blow. Can Bush destroy another country's whole army? Why not? He did it to ours.

We'll get Condi to slip him a note. "Mr. President, Iran is free!" And he'll scribble some garbled bullshit on it, like "let freedom Purple Rain" and that will be that.

Mission Accomplished. Oh, and the astronauts you sent to Mars just called. They said to say "hi."

He'll never know. According to a classified report on White House crowd management, protesters are not only kept out of Bush's sight at rallies, they must be kept where he can't see them from his car. Frat boys are recruited to chant "USA! USA!" over hecklers. Bush has also been told that your approval rating is like your golf score, and the asshole with the lowest one wins.

He won't even mind. The only way they got him to Iraq this week was by promising he was going to Australia. It's like getting the dog in the car for his shots.

I'm telling you, we can totally get away with this Iran thing. It's not like he's one of those presidents who reads the paper.

Bill Maher is the host of HBO's "Real Time with Bill Maher" which airs every Friday at 11PM.

Comments

[gaspare]

Clever as all hell my friend. Doing all I can to make Edwards the nominee up here in Michigan. Your words from way back in 2004 that Edwards is the real deal and will be a player in the future still ring in my ear. However, we seem to suffer from cognitive stupidity disorder up here in Michigan and the ad hoc, change the primary to fool the foolish seems to not be having the intended effect. Nope, actually it is pissing off the petty, party poopers in Iowa and NH but while they cry with their bottle we are reminded daily how catigorically fubar Michigan's economy is. The fat and happy days made us stupid and lazy(recent statistics prove it). However, hope can never be lost. I have a 2 year old and a five year that I took to her first day of school yesterday. I'll never give up, I know you won't, we can't. As the great Will Rogers said "You may be on the right track, but if you just sit there you'll get run over"

[woodchips]

A little off topic, but why don't all the states just have their primaries on the same day. One day...done. So much simpler.

[gro]

Or move up the general election?
Not soon enough ...

[Ramus]

primaries all the same day and no electoral college..direct popular election of the president..with verifiable paper trails..no TV commercials

[champions1]

hello gaspare...you are a smart man, i'm with you on John Edwards...he's the real One...lets keep talking and make it Loud and clear..my grandkids are counting on me to get it right..so lets not get run over..

[KRANKY]

On the right track, Bill, but I say "Let bush be Capone".
Big Al was so delusional from syphillis, that after he was released from Alcatraz he was convinced that he was still running a criminal empire while fishing in the swimming pool.

bush's little world is typical of a disease riddled, drug addled mind. He really beleives he is the decider, when all he has ever been is a name.

[pansycritter]

bush is a name? Don't want to go too far into the toliet stall but even a wide stance shows a little bush.

[pmprescott]

That's what worked in Iraq before we invaded. Saddam actually thought he had those weapons while he played in his pleasure palaces. It could work for Bush too. Faux news could even provide coverage.

[Doofus]

We would be much better off if he 'became'
Bill Clinton. Probably it'd be more fun
for him also.

[Doofus]

Oh yeah, and...

Paul/Kucinich - Tag Team 2008 - Oh Yeah, Right!

[Dolphinfan65]

Paul/Kucinach for President............ MMMMMMM

[Doofus]

It has been previously suggested that GWB
appoint himself 'Chairman of the Board' &
then resign as President. As you all know,
the post of Chairman has long been vacant,
just waiting for the right individual to
come along, and who would be better than
George Walker Bush? And it's a lifetime
job, just like Chief Justice, only with
no duties. There is one catch, he'd have to
appoint Cheney as 'Designated Hitter' or
some other important 'new' post) before
becoming Chairman.

[srobert]

For some reason at a glance I read that as "appoint Cheney as 'Designated HITLER'

[tombollocks]

Ditto on Hitler.

[WolfLarsen]

So true Doofus, but I don't think anyone will be standing in line for a Harriett Miers cigar.

[justice4juveniles]

Not Bill Clinton, please

http://www.cjcj.org/pubs/clinton/clinton.html

[Bexley]

I say "go for it" - can't hurt and most assuredly could even help the rest of us!

Good post, Bill.

[MissFortunate]

Wouldn't it be easier to just tell him he was impeached and make a nice little padded oval office at Crawford Texas?

[Bright Creature]

If you want him to feel better we could tell him that the capital moved from DC to Crawford?

[GJKBEAR]

One word from some of us in TX "NOOOOOOOOOO" - move his padded cell to Maine - let him go to Kennybunkport......We already have the rest of this failed group - Turdblossom is close to Kerrville - Gonzales will come back here and probably Cheyney. Then we have Tom "The Hammer" DeLay. TX is a state that likes to share - so please share Bush with someone else.....

[nighthawk808]

We should move the capital to Alcatraz for the next 16 months.

[RobertPaul]

Bright Creature:
Now that's an idea I could get behind!
Move Bush to Crawford and keep Cheney in an "undisclosed location" (w/o phones!) for the duration of this travesty . . . er . . presidency.
Just tell Bush that the Country "Needs" him to cut brush for us and that Cheney will keep an eye on things and then make sure that the Secret Service doesn't let Cheney near "THE button!"

[SensibleAmerican]

"New Rule: For the next 18 months, let Bush be Reagan. A completely dissociative personality who lets the real work of the nation go on elsewhere, while he sits behind his desk and hums" ...
... uh?! What do you think he has been doing so far?!?! LOL

[LiarLiarIraqsOnFire]

The humming is new.

[Bad actor]

Are there any other old farts like me who lost the last ten years of their working life due to the Reagan war against people over 55 years old during which the ADEA was subverted by Clarence Thomas ?

[Ihaveadream]

Good point Bad actor - and Reagan was the worst president until this one. For a guy who campaigned against big Federal government, the government grew, the cost grew and then his monument in DC, The RR building was the most expensive government building ever built.

Most of us are convinced he had Altzheimers before he left office. But I thought Freddy (another actor) Thompson wants to be re-cast as Ronnie.

[nellyol'son]

i like it. will it work?

[kristin]

Nah. Cheney is the one planning to bomb Iran.

[CarmanK]

Yeh!! As long as Cheney is around, Bush will get his morning cues. IMPEACH Cheney!! That would certainly be more effective.

[frustratedinohio]

Sounds great. If it doesn't work, could we just IMPEACH him instead?

[kellygrrrl]

Why go to all the expense of impeachment hearings? Let's just tell him he's on his August recess and every page in his calendar will read August for the next 500 days.

[wmholt]

Brilliant, Bill. I loved you on Chris Matthews the other day!

[Yukon Jack]

Yeah, it reminded me of a cartoon where the following characters (scarily similar to Maher and Matthews) gathered to join forces to capture the roadrunner: Wiley Coyote, Sylvester the Cat and, for good measure, Elmer Fudd.

The giggles and the gaffes were there for posterity.

[Lis]

Great post, Bill! And, hey, while we're at it, why not tell Bush that we've won the war in Iraq and our troops can all come home now.

[NoContest]

Great idea...

Keep him like a mushroom, in the dark and feed him bullshit, like his handlers (now departed) have tried to do to us.

Can they convince him to parade down the mall and we can throw turdblossoms on him? It's a sign of love and respect Gipper.

~

[ElkoJohn]

Bill, it's almost getting too grim for even your humor to cheer me up, this person in the WH (Emperor, Dictator, whatever) is going to attack Iran, either to "unite the country" behind it's War-Lord, or just as a parting gift of his contempt for anybody trying to stop him :-(

[dragonswizardz]

You kidding? Bush IS a toadstool!!!!!!!! If I ws a mushroom (and I'm not) I'd be offended at being placed in the same family tree as him! I learned in biology that a toadstool is dumber than a mushroom.

[Amantia]

Take that back! I won't abide any disparaging remarks about mushrooms!

[quirkygal]

"The only way they got him to Iraq this week was by promising he was going to Australia. It's like getting the dog in the car for his shots."
~~~~~~~
:::applauds:::

Too funny!

[1differentdrummer]

Speaking of which, was there any hazard to Bu$h going to Iraq? Did he endanger any airmen's lives flying in there? A combat zone is no place for the CIC, somebody on the ground with one of the Stingers we gave Bin Laden might just stuff one into an engine. That would kill the crew and they don't deserve that.

[Talcott]

Agreed.

[Checquoline]

Of course they will have to tell him we started a war someplace else, but he won't check where.

I-M-P-E-A-C-H

[alvail]

OBVIOUSLY IMPEACH the MORON

[Synoia]

No, he and Cheney have to have significant shares in the companies who are now pumping the Iraqi oil. That their benchmark.

Cheney: Mr President, whe have won the Iraqi war.
Bush: How much will I make every year?
Cheney: Mr President the Iraqi givernment did not pass the Oil Sharing Agreement Bill, so you get nothing. (aside) Halliburton gets an exclusive contract to run the Iraqi oilfield for 1,000 years, so I'm ok.
Bush: We'd better go into Iraq and get rid of some more bad leaders. Can't have non-democratic oil now can we?
Cheney: Just as you say, Mr President, can we take the Iranian Oil took?
Bush: Yea, Nuke 'em.
Cheney: They're on the way Mr President, on the way. (aside) And my oil futures will be looking good!