Let Bush Be Reagan

New Rule: For the next 18 months, let Bush be Reagan. A completely dissociative personality who lets the real work of the nation go on elsewhere, while he sits behind his desk and hums. I don't think the problem is that Bush lives in a bubble. I say make the bubble thicker. Use the armor we can't get to the troops. For example, on this whole "bomb Iran" thing. Let's not, and just tell him we did.

Who's going to tell him the truth? Rove? Gonzales? Rummy? Scooter? Harriet Miers? It's like a haunted house. The douchebag cupboard is bare.

According to the Times of London, the Air Force has drawn up plans for massive strikes against 1,200 targets in Iran. The plan doesn't just call for eliminating Iran's nuclear program, but for taking out its entire military in one blow. Can Bush destroy another country's whole army? Why not? He did it to ours.

We'll get Condi to slip him a note. "Mr. President, Iran is free!" And he'll scribble some garbled bullshit on it, like "let freedom Purple Rain" and that will be that.

Mission Accomplished. Oh, and the astronauts you sent to Mars just called. They said to say "hi."

He'll never know. According to a classified report on White House crowd management, protesters are not only kept out of Bush's sight at rallies, they must be kept where he can't see them from his car. Frat boys are recruited to chant "USA! USA!" over hecklers. Bush has also been told that your approval rating is like your golf score, and the asshole with the lowest one wins.

He won't even mind. The only way they got him to Iraq this week was by promising he was going to Australia. It's like getting the dog in the car for his shots.

I'm telling you, we can totally get away with this Iran thing. It's not like he's one of those presidents who reads the paper.

Bill Maher is the host of HBO's "Real Time with Bill Maher" which airs every Friday at 11PM.

Comments

[nancytheragingliberal]

Bill Maher, you are just the greatest! For years now, I take the phone off the hook, turn off my cell phone, and poof....one hour of total, uninterrupted laughs from the master. HBO would make a fortune having more of you, or Bill-like shows. Wait a minute, I just said that in my last post to you. What is HBO thiking? Here is a chance to fatten their coffers and all they do is dither. I guess they don't need the money or maybe they don't enjoy catering to lefties like me. Their loss.

[rmreddicks]

No, I think he was going to the Anschluss in Austria.

[leahlex]

Yes Bill, Bush is a real asshole no doubt. I heard you ask Melencamp why people in the South are so stupid. You know you are right. I live in Chattanooga, Tn. Fred will be here Monday to raise money. All his asshole freinds are here in Chattanooga. Senator Bob Corker, the only republuican to win last election.Congressman Zack Wamp a big republican crook. This place is so full of shit and half of the State representatives are going to jail. Put some focus on these fuck wads here. Even Harold Ford Jr. 's uncle is going.

[LaFilleEnRose]

You're still one of the few people who can make me laugh out loud. Let's just tell him we did (bombed Iran). Thanks Bill. Love your show btw.

[martinspringfield]

Can we tell him his term is up already? Or that he's supposed to take a 16 month vacation starting NOW?

[minnieszoo]

Bill at his best, truly none better.

[Tosenseworth]

There are a lot of great plans here for dealing with Bush..all amusing and satisfying to contemplate...but not gonna happen. Question. Which blogs should we be writing to to intrude on the insulated "reality" the other side is happily attending to? Exchanging fantasies among us believers is no substitute for confronting realities among those BELIEVERS!
Their support of Bush and Co is obviously Faith Based, surely no rational mind would have stayed with him this long. Can we, are we trying to, set up camp in the face of the Bush supporters and let them know our numbers and the cause of our fury? I suspect they are not reading the Huffington Report and watching Bill Maher, Stewart, Colbert et al, to assess the mood of the nation. They think Limbaugh is the High Priest..is there no way to reach these zealots and point out that the current debate has moved beyond Ted Kennedy at Chappaquidick?? They must keep themselves in the dark just as Bush does. Is there no way to shine a little light on them?? The proverbial 2X4 up along side the head??
Meanwhile, let's not fall into the trap of trashing our guys. While awaiting the Perfect Politician, let's at least support the better politicians.

[standbycats]

Bill you are so right on. Leave it to you come up with a plan that will work. 'WRAP HIM UP SONNY'

[notnuffsaid]

Let's not sell George Bush short. As we keep underestimating and mocking him, he keeps pushing his agenda of establishing a permanent American presence in Iraq a la Korea. And make no mistake, for all his inarticulate fumbling, this is his agenda as much as Chaney's. He was a (failed) oilman afterall and has a vision of securing the mid-East with an American garrison.

[Lloydc]

Absoutely brilliant! And, let's put Deadly Dick in the same "Box". You've outdone yourself this time Bill.

[reader110]

"let freedom Purple Rain"

...now that's funny. I hope that Prince is not offended.

[coastalgal]

hee hee hee hee hee

[JimNauseam]

With all due respect, I don't see how the bubble could be thicker.

[gems]

Bill,

Once you said that President Bush should take more vacations. Not a bad idea.
Keep on blogging!!!...You are becoming my substitute for my morning coffee.

Gemma

[LorettaSingbiel]

"The only way they got him to Iraq this week was" by promising him candy & flowers.

It is RELIGION that has thinned out the crowd, throughout the course of human history...and THEIR rapture THEY may reap. (Of course, IF it were true that the Lord Lovers would DISAPPEAR from the earth, I'M ALL FOR IT.) Perhaps THEN, the left "left behind", can FINALLY have some PEACE!?

LOVED your HILARIOUS post in this HATEFUL world. Look forward to your "Religion" Documentary, Mr. Maher.

Stay safe, healthy and happy,
Love, Loretta