New Rule: Float Like Obama, Sting Like Ali

New Rule: Democrats must get in touch with their inner asshole. And no, I'm not being gratuitously crude when I say that. I refer to the case of Van Jones, and I'm sure you know who Van Jones is. At least I hope you do, because I haven't a clue, or at least I didn't until this week, when I found out he was the man the Obama administration hired to find jobs for Americans in the new green industries. Seems like a smart thing to do in a recession, but Van Jones got fired because he became the Scary Negro of the Week on Fox News, where, let's be honest, they still feel threatened by Harry Belafonte.

Now, I know that right now, I'm supposed to be all re-injected with yes-we-can fever after the big health care speech, and it was a great speech -- when Black Elvis gets jiggy with his teleprompter, there is none better. But here's the thing: Muhammad Ali also had a way with words, but it helped enormously that he could also punch guys in the face.

What got Van Jones fired was they caught him on tape saying that Republicans are assholes. And they call it "news." And Obama didn't say a word in defense of Jones and basically fired him when Glenn Beck told him to. Just like we dropped "end of life counseling" from health care reform because Sarah Palin said it meant "death panels" on her Facebook page.

Crazy evil morons make up things for Obama to do, and he does it.

Same thing with the speech to children this week. If you missed it, the president attempted to merely tell school children to work hard and wash their hands, and Cracker Nation reacted as if he was trying to hire the Black Panthers to hand out grenades in homeroom. Of course, the White House immediately capitulated. "No students will be forced to view the speech," a White House spokesperson assured a panicked nation. Isn't that like admitting that the president might be doing something unseemly? What a bunch of cowards. If the White House had any balls, they'd say, "He's giving a speech on the importance of staying in school, and if you spineless jackasses don't show it to every damn kid in your school we're cutting off your federal education funding tomorrow."

The Democrats just never learn: Americans don't really care which side of an issue you're on as long as you don't act like pussies. When Van Jones called the Republicans assholes, he was paying them a compliment. He was talking about how they can get things done even when they're in the minority, as opposed to the Democrats, who can't seem to get anything done even when they control both houses of Congress, the presidency, and Bruce Springsteen.

I love Obama's civility in the face of such contumely, his desire to work with his enemies, it's positively Christ-like. In college, he was probably the guy at the dorm parties who made sure the stoners shared their pot with the jocks. But we don't need that guy now. We need an asshole.

Mr. President, there are some people who are never going to like you. That's why they voted for the old guy and Carrie's mom. You're not going to win them over. Stand up for the 70% of Americans who aren't crazy.

And speaking of that 70% -- let's call them the sentient majority -- when are we going to actually show up in all this? Tomorrow Glenn Beck's army of zombie retirees are marching on Washington in protest of, well, everything. It's the Million Moron March, although they won't get a million of course, because many will be confused and drive to Washington state -- but they will make news. Because people who take to the streets always do. They're at the town hall screaming at the congressman, we're on the couch screaming at the TV. Especially in this age of electronics and Snuggies, it's a statement to just leave the house. But leave the house we must, because this is our last best shot for a long time to get the sort of serious health care reform that would make the United States the envy of several African nations.

Follow Bill Maher on Twitter: www.twitter.com/billmaher

Comments

[niceradz]

07:31 AM on 09/21/2009

Once more Bill shoots straight. What Obama needs is Bill as his cheif advisor and moral support in the white house.

Obama: Offer Bill Maher this post

Bill Maher: Please accept for the good of all Americans.

[ImageThink]

12:19 PM on 09/17/2009

If you missed Obama's talk with school children, his speech on the heath care plan, or Democrats reach for 60 votes for the healthcare overhaul..­.check out the graphic summary on the televised speeches and articles. www.blog.i­magethink.­net

[Peacein09]

12:50 AM on 09/17/2009

Oh Bill, why doesn't he listen to you? You are speaking truth to power. Why do the powerful always prefer to listen to lies? It's easier that way?

[Awed]

11:14 PM on 09/15/2009

I disagree. The problem IS people who act immorally.

Obama does need to tell some truth though, and confront the issue head on. That is very hard to do civilly when the truth is that someone is acting immorally.

And PS I am very disappoint­ed that although the article here is using crude language and condemning Republican action, my post was not allowed to use the "a" word or imply that the Republican­s are acting llke "a's." This is a disappoint­ing over moderation­, and surprising­.

[rjhuntington]

02:20 PM on 09/15/2009

This is spot on pitch perfect.

[Geoff TX]

01:48 PM on 09/15/2009

I thought that Van Jones got fired or resigned because he signed some petition in 2004 that was saying that the Bush administra­tion had something to do with the 9-11 attacks...­.

[tiredamerican45]

01:20 PM on 09/15/2009

Can anyone explain Acorn to me?

[MicheleCA]

08:59 PM on 09/15/2009

http://en.­wikipedia.­org/wiki/A­ssociation­_of_Commun­ity_Organi­zations_fo­r_Reform_N­ow

[tiredamerican45]

01:14 PM on 09/15/2009

I was wondering when the truth was being rejected when they were going to start with the race card. All the complaints that are out have nothing to do with anyone's color. Only people who refuse to see the truth will have to resort to" Its because he is black" Ive never been racist and never will. Why everyone thinks Glen Beck is the reason for all the whoopla must be a very simple minded person. We have eyes and ears and can see for ourselves what is going on with Acorn, Van Jones and the rest of the cronies. Im tired of being called names because I will not conform to this madness The bottom line Dem or Rep WE THE PEOPLE ARE TIRED OF THE GAMES!! We showed that with 1.7 million at the White House on Sept 12.

[MicheleCA]

08:48 PM on 09/15/2009

you reject the truth when you claim 1.7million strong.

do you ever consider that the mess this country is in was created before President Obama won the election?

i understand the fear & the anguish. we all do.

i understand it is difficult to trust the government at this point. after the war for profit, years of terror alerts, we have been lied to, our sons & daughters used & all of it sanitized. our financial security gone.

it is not alright to blame President Obama for these things. it is not alright to disrespect POTUS.

[Daniel Latham]

09:31 PM on 09/15/2009

Stating "I've never been racist and never will" proves one is a racist more than any other litmus test, I learned that long ago. If you are so non-intros­pective and self-unawa­re to assert your absolute, 100% absence of racism, then you are racist by default due to ignorance. You were raised in a racist society, you absorbed these prejudices­, trust me sir, you are racist. So am I. So are we all that live in a privileged population within US society based on a physical trait. Now. Having said that, discussing it is not "playing the race card". Debating the effect of race and ethnicity on cultural debates is not "playing the race card." It is an important discussion­. To be in denial of racism in oneself often predicts the reluctance to discuss racism at all, for fear of having to admit uncomforta­ble truths. Now, get off my lawn.

[travelguy72]

09:58 PM on 09/16/2009

I disagree. I believe the race card is played far too often in this nation with the decision made already: The comment must be racist.

Remember when President Obama stated that the white police officers who arrested the black professor "acted stupidly." Although there didn't appear to be a big commotion over the comment, let's assume the skin colors were reversed. My assumption would be that a white man indicating that black police officers "acted stupidly" when arresting another white man would be viewed as racist. Perhaps the professor in this situation was racist. Would he have been more compliant if the police officers had been black?

I would like to think I'm not a racist, but you are right. I probably am in some way or another, whether I acknowledg­e it or not. And I'm glad to see that you admit it as well. And by your own descriptio­n about being raised in a racist society, we all are to some extent racist, including our President.

So, logically, if we're all racist, we should just acknowledg­e that and be a little less quick to judge the situation by throwing race into it. Perhaps minority groups should be less quick to blame statements and situations on race, and perhaps majority groups should stop saying the race card is being played.

[HX]

12:03 AM on 09/15/2009

Barack will float but Eric Holder and James Cylburn Will sting like bees

[Lahonda]

11:05 PM on 09/14/2009

If eight years of presidency represents a twelve round boxing match, then we're going into "Round Two" right now... Obama is about to test "his left".

Is his corner in for a long, long fight? Doesn't seem so, but the match won't stop happening and the bell will surely ring for every round.

Only the American people can save this country from the cost spiral. As President Obama states every time, he can't do anything if the American people aren't beside him.

[Lahonda]

10:46 PM on 09/14/2009

So, when the US ships personnel, bom bs, bul lets, gu ns, aircraft everywhere else and use them on the indigent population­s for free... the Right is all for that, right? Riiiiiight­....

To fear that any immigrant would be advantaged in a fully insured populace as opposed to the US, which now finds it nearly impossible to have adequate insurance mechanisms in place to treat its entire populace just because "some illegal immigrant MIGHT get something for the same price" is insanity.

The uninsured don't simply disappear because a group misunderst­ands or hates them. Many of these people are in the state they are because some nations of the western world have found it very difficult not to have some class of indentured worker available within their individual borders. Not slavery, but something like it... but different.

You know... for those times when it absolutely­, positively has to get there, with cheap labor.

[travelguy72]

08:46 PM on 09/14/2009

You know what? Bill is right. For Pete's sake, this is America, and you know what, we don't have to wait on the Dems to do anything. It's a free country, and Bill is estimating that 70% of Americans want Obama's reforms. Why do we have to wait on the remaining 30% to get on board? If we really believe what we're saying, let's do something about it. Together we can make a difference­. Let's start our own tax deductible fund to which we can donate to help people get health coverage. It will probably be run better than the government that way, and we'll be helping people. And rather than having to pay for it with our own taxes, we could get a deduction, and that would probably be better in the long run.

[Lahonda]

10:55 PM on 09/14/2009

You missed it... he's saying that we shouldn't be making less than 1% of the population rich because the vocal part of the 30% (80/20rule­=6%) don't want a black guy in power. You have to think a little deeper.

[travelguy72]

09:29 PM on 09/16/2009

So this article is about racism? I will admit, I did miss that point. But at least I'm a deep enough thinker that I don't have to throw the race card everytime someone disagrees with me.

I thought this article was about getting things done. In fact, his last point was this (and the last point is the most important: "But leave the house we must, because this is our last best shot for a long time to get the sort of serious health care reform that would make the United States the envy of several African nations."

And just for clarity, although Bill does not say that 70% of Americans voted for Obama, his wording does imply it. And that's how I read your response (although perhaps I'm wrong in that view as well). But actually, only 53% of Americans voted for Obama.

My point is that this is America, and we can do things without waiting on our government­, be they Democrats or Republican­s. Bill is telling us to get off our behinds and do something. Why does that mean we have to tell our politician­s to do it? Let's take the bull by the horns and do it ourselves.

So if Bill is pointing out racism, then you're right, I missed it. But if he's saying Americans can do something by getting off the couch, then I'm right on the money.

[SweetTart]

06:29 PM on 09/14/2009

I sure wish Obama and his advisors would listen to Bill Maher on this one. Just like I wished they would have Van Jones' back. I get the whole "turn the other cheek" thing, but it's getting carried to ridiculous extremes. We don't need someone who caves at the first sign the Repubs get their precious feelings hurt - we need a fighter Mr. President.

[puglogic]

10:24 PM on 09/14/2009

Righteous anger, like Jesus expressed in the Temple, yes.

[Phillip Berns]

07:04 PM on 09/15/2009

You know what? Let them have Van Jones, I'm sure we can find somebody just as qualified (sorry Jonesy-boy­, nothing personal, strictly business).

The point is, I'm perfectly willing to let the Republican­s have their little victories as long as what needs to get done gets done in the end. In 50 years, nobody will remember who replaced Van Jones or even Jones himself, they will remember how health care changed, and hopefully it will be a positive memory.

[deneufeldt]

06:17 PM on 09/14/2009

Bill, You need to watch the video on Huff Post that this woman is protesting Bank of America giving her a 30% APR and she was never late and paid over the amount. She asked them to renegotiat­e the rate and they refused. So she put this Video on You Tube for Ken Lewis to watch and she is refusing to pay anymore money until he contacts her and gives her the terms she had back. She is asking others to join her.

Thats what I am talking about! Gutsy.

[Passenger57]

04:22 PM on 09/14/2009

That part that ALWAYS gets left out is when Jones said that he could be an a-hole, too...I understand why it's left out, though...i­t messes up the whole name-calli­ng whine...