No Crony Left Behind

New Rule: In the next fifteen months, President Bush has to perform at least one act that doesn't make money for someone he knows.

Take "No Child Left Behind." At first it just looked like gentle empty bullshit, a way to neutralize the Democrats edge with voters on education issues. What did it even mean? And how could you be against it? Education. It was a perfect cause that would honor the legacy of any president...'s wife. Which made it even more perfect for pre-9/11 Bush. And who could it hurt? No one. It made Lady Bird Johnson's wild-flowers-by-the-highways project look like the fucking Marshall Plan.

Except, like all Bush ideas, there was more to it. To meet the requirements of "No Child Left Behind" America's public schools have ordered more than eleven million standardized tests in the last two years. (New York State alone ordered 1.7 million.) The cost of the tests -- and the testing industry, including test prep -- now exceeds two billion dollars a year. And 90% of the industry is controlled by five corporations. And the largest of them is McGraw-Hill. And the McGraw family just happens to go back 80 years with the Bushes.

Another beneficiary of No Child Left Behind? Neil Bush's educational software company. The one funded by the United Arab Emirates. The one Barbara Bush said the Katrina victims had to spend her donation on.

Which is, of course, all blood under the bridge. But when Bush does anything, there's always some profit motive behind it. Nothing is free but the hookers. So it wasn't surprising that he announced his post war plans were to replenish the coffers with speeches. But before that, he has to do one purely altruistic thing. Just one.

Bill Maher is the host of HBO's "Real Time with Bill Maher" which airs every Friday at 11PM.

Comments

[fantagor]

Q: Why do rural Bible-thumping Americans elect free market elitist assholes from the northeast like George Bush?

A: Because they'll outlaw abortion and gay sex.

That's quite a disconnect!

And by disconnect I mean the collection of loose wires scavenged from the junkyard that George Bush supporters try and pass off as gray matter.

These throwbacks are so gullible I won't be surprised if we are inaugurating President Mitt or President Giuliani or President Gufus McGoofball on January 20, 2009.

Just promise social reforms to the slice of America which considers a 1963 Toronado on blocks a lawn ornament and they'll show up in locust-like droves to vote "child killers" and "the gays" into obscurity.

But what do they REALLY get? A capitalist who can't wait to put all his buddies in the cabinet and cook up new ways to siphon tax dollars and debt dollars into their pockets.

I hope the fundamentalists do split off and form a new party. Counting the Republicans that'll make two.

Randy

[Jackalheadedgod]

Don't hold your breath.

[minnieszoo]

Astute blog, Sir William. One of your better ones.
This piece isn't Maher being Maher, which by the way, satisfies most of the time.

This time, you gave us journalism. When Maher does that, it is pure gold.

[EmperorNoClothes]

Sorry Bill, but you aren't in a position to make rules for the Bush Co. Bush doesn't have to do anything that you, or anyone else, says. No altruism here. No charity. Just dirty, mean, and nasty. Welcome to The Bush U.S.A.

[Hoelder]

No surprise here, Bill. Can those numb nuts that claim everything will get worse under Clinton just shut the f**k up. What do you think will possibly get worse than under Bush? What are you so afraid of a woman president? Argentina has one, Germany has a female chancellor and Germany has not done better than ever. I am just so sick and tired of white anglo male "leaders" that neglect children and health care because their trophy wifes take care of that.

[HarperKnight]

Oh Bill you funster, you.

Here's the test question.

NCLB is to SCHIP as Hookers are to:

a. Free Market Entrepreneurs
b. Republican Family Values
c. Altruistic First Ladies

Be sure to mark your answer using the dark lead from a toy made in China.

[resurgent]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dresser_Industries

Bush is lining his own pockets with Halliburton. Halliburton merged with Dresser Industries in 1998. Bush's grandfather, Prescott Bush, was on Dresser's board of directors for twenty-two years. (Think he owned any stock?) His father, Bush 41, worked for Dresser from 1948-1951. Who negotiated the merger of Dresser and Halliburton? Dick Cheney, of course, reportedly during a weekend of quail hunting. Three years after the merger, Halliburton had to settle lawsuits over asbestos from the Dresser merger and lost 80% of its stock value.

It appears to me that Bush really owed Cheney. This could explain Cheney's control over Bush. Could Iraq be Bush making good on the merger (and getting rich too)? This stinks to high heaven, but what stinks even more is the media's giving Bush a free pass and refusing to air the story.

[styrofoam]

As long as we are on the subject of education and the wrong people making a profit, my friend is a first grade teacher at school in San Juan Capistrano, CA. Her students are 100% illegal immigrants, no joke.

[Hugo de Balsac]

speaking of psuedoscience, i just read that we all evolved from psychotropic plantlife, not apes.

[ObamaEdwards]

If you said that to Bush, he wouldn't even understand what you meant! And that's why he won't be raking in the cash as a speaker. He can put on the velvet PJs and prance around the White House all he wants. Once that front door hits his big, white butt, he's OVER.

It's going to be amusing to watch him, actually, as he tries to figure out why nobody calls any more.

Best case scenario: He's indicted with Cheney, for war crimes. I bet those two life-hating old farts could make some great speeches in prison.

[SouthpawSass]

Abso-f**ki­ng-lutely!­!!

Being a New Yorker with a son just out of Middle School, I know for a fact that after January in grades 5-8, schools prepare for testing, only to then take tests... The only learning that gets done is mainly from September through December. And then, of course, with holidays, it's even less. Oh, there is some learning between preps and tests, but it's not much.

Unless your middle school child in New York is intrinsically motivated to do some learning on his own, he's not doing much learning at all...

No Child Left Behind? EVERY child is left behind with it...

[KenTao]

Well, gosh, Bill, providing free hookers sounds pretty altruistic to me. Where do I sign up?

Earthlings Unite!

[davidkapl]

True, but tell me something that I don't already know

[Cybesq]

Denying health care to children is altruistic. Wait, does "altruistic" mean acting like a gigantic fucking douche bag?

[Kissydee]

All of his administration has been part of a larger plan-if we keep poor people uneducated we can keep 'em in line.