The best word to describe bejoweled Lou Dobbs? "Droneologist."
It's more elegant than "preening, pompous windbag."
As a longtime TV and radio newspaper critic, I've been chronicling Sweetheart Lou's cable antics for the better part of two decades.
I can hardly wait for Lou's appearance with Bill O'Reilly Monday night. It's going to be a real three-hanky job.
So, will LouDicrous end up on Fox News next? Probably not. I'd put my bet on Fox Business, as the New York Times predicted a few weeks back. Fox Business, despite its meager ratings, is perfect for Dobbs: Right-wing rainmaker Chuck Norris, of all people, was a prime-time guest on Fox Business this week, and Fox Business is also the dumping ground for Don Imus' latest dreary cable enterprise.
Fox Biz has become a full-throated, right-wing Fox News farm club. Plus, Dobbs DID start as a business factotum on CNN.
Both Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert had fun with Lou's flag-draped, piously portentous departure this week. (How could they not? This was comedy gold).
Could a Dobbs Presidential run now be possible, our nation, all aquiver, asks. Lou'd make a good running mate for Ron Paul or Ross Perot, or, for that matter, one-time Jim Bakker prison cellmate Lyndon Larouche.
Every time Big Lou looked coyly into CNN's cameras in 2008 and dropped hints that the self-styled "Mr. Independent" might heed the public clarion call and run for President, I wanted to smack Ted Turner for ever hiring this pompous, delusional buffoon.
Which brings us to Big Lou's days in the broadcast diaspora, back in 2000. Back when Lou had left CNN under unpleasant circumstances. The reason given publicly? Supposedly, so he could launch his own web project, Space.com (THAT was quite the success, wasn't it?). Yea, right.
During Lou's TV interregnum, I had the misfortune of being assigned by my newspaper to cover Dobbs' servile interview with keynote speaker Lowry Mays at the National Association of Broadcasters' annual radio convention in San Francisco.
Mays, a glorified Texas billboard salesman and gluttonous owner of Clear Channel (or "Cheap Channel" as it's known in the radio biz), fielded one softball question after another from the reverential Dobbs. Needless to say, Lou never asked Lowry why anyone should ever be allowed to own over 1200 radio stations.
In short, this was just the kind of Murdoch-friendly interview we might now expect the Dobbster to conduct on Fox Business with CEO's who just might be his next employer -- or a deep-pocketed (if delusional) political backer.
Speaking of the business of radio, want to hear something that's both ironic and funny?
United Stations Radio Networks, which syndicates Dobbs' xenophobic, tinfoil-hat-crowd-attracting radio show, is a broadcast partner with - I'm not making this up - Spanish-language network Univision.
Ay, caramba. That's gonna be some hot company Christmas party!