It's A Law: Everyone Must Carry A Gun

(WASHINGTON D.C) Finally accepting that gun control is un-Constitutional, Congress convened a special session this morning to pass a measure requiring everyone to carry a gun at all times.

After seeing a dozen people in Phoenix carrying guns during a visit by President Obama--including a black man strapped with an AR-15 semi-automatic rifle--Congress was first astounded that African Americans live in Arizona. But secondly, it realized it's been out of touch with most Americans. Starting today, any person caught without a gun will be arrested. The penalty could be a fine of $20,000 or having to duel with someone who does have a weapon.

"Think of how many lives would have been saved had everyone always been armed," said Sen. John McCain, showing off his Sig Sauer P228. "If President Kennedy had been strapped in 1963, he probably would have picked off Lee Harvey. Those Amish girls a couple years ago would have killed their killer. Or their teachers certainly would have blow him away. The list is endless."

The passage hopefully salves the bitterness felt by those who say the government has infringed upon their right to bear arms by restricting where guns shops can be located, requiring background checks on the buyers and actually limiting the type of guns a person can purchase.

The tables sure have turned now.

Congress initially planned to require only those 18 and older to carry weapons. But the NRA argued that limitation would leave 17 year olds at a distinct disadvantage. Once that argument was accepted, the age requirement continued dropping until now even toddlers must pack heat at all times.

"If you're old enough to hold a bottle, you can hold a .22," said House Leader Nancy Pelosi, brandishing a sparkling new Benelli pump shotgun. "Now we can all feel safe."

Gun enthusiasts had mixed emotions about the new law.

"No, there shouldn't be any restrictions on gun control, but the government can't tell me what to do," said Mark Anderson, a collector and hunter in Spokane, Wash. "Damn liberals are always trying to impose their will on my rights. I mean, what if I don't want to carry a gun?"

Anderson was also upset because the law doesn't allow him to attach a Mk-13 missile launcher to his RV.

Still, the law allows many other freedoms. People can carry any style gun, whether a .9mm or an assault rifle. They can keep it concealed, carry it in a hip or shoulder holster, or simply hold it in their hand and wave it around. Bullets will now also be subsidized, as Congress recognized the fun of owning a gun is being able to shoot it.

There will be no waiting period to buy the weapons and no one will be required to receive any training.

"People have to go to train before they can get a driver's license, and look at how many people die in car accidents. Training does no good," said McCain. "Besides study after study has shown that guns don't kill people. It's bullets that kill people."

Specialty stores were already feeling an upsurge. At Diapers 'n Bullets in Memphis, the store quickly ran out of Baby's First Piece, a tiny weapon that comes in either pink or sky blue. And Abercrombie & Fitch's "I'm Packin' Backpack" has become the must have accessory for girls this school year. One of the $60 backpacks that has hidden pouches for extra ammunition sold on ebay for $1,275.

Comments

[Ohio9]

All sarcasm aside, the author of this post is trying to turn reality on its head.

One of the main points I make as a gun rights supporter is that unlike the extremist gun banners, I'm not forcing my life choices on anyone. If someone doesn't want to have a gun, I will never try to make them get one. I won't even try to persuade them. My defense of gun rights does not involve trying to convince people to own a gun, only ensuring the ability to get one for those who have already made the decision to do so.

Yet this mockery is implying the it's the gun rights supporters who are trying to force our ways on others. In reality, it's the exact opposite.

[mike102]

LOL.

You're right. It would be much better if the Supreme Court had just allowed DC to keep it's totally unconstitutional gun ban. That way, the status quo would be maintained, and only criminals would have guns. Law abiding people would continue to be defenseless. That's just how we anti 2nd Amendment folk like it.

Well, you can always move to Chicago.......................for now. They have a gun ban that is still in force, as they haven't had their day in court yet. Last year, their homicide rate exceeded 500. Hey, didn't anybody tell the gangbangers about the gun ban? I realise it's only been in effect for 24 years, so maybe you should let them know.

Funny how, with the gun bans and all, DC still managed to have one of the highest homicide rates, and continued to be one of our most dangerous cities. Ditto for Chicago.