World Breathes Easier Now That Susan Boyle's Reign of Terror Ends

(LONDON) There were celebrations around the world this weekend as Susan Boyle lost on Britain's Got Talent.

"I"ve never been so happy about news on someone who I care nothing for," said Ishmael Valdez of Mexico City. "Thank the gods she lost. I'd rather catch the swine flu than have to hear one more thing about this woman."

Boyle rose to...fame? Became a person the media refused to ignore? by singing a song from Les Miserables on the British game show. It was never clear why the media grew so interested in her, but Dr. Hanrell Egerts of Harvard's School for Things That Confound Us All believes she has the answer.

"Given the Barbie doll nature of popular female singers in America, I think that most people in this country have forgotten that ugly people can sing too. Even women," said Egerts. "I think people were so shocked that that voice came out of that mouth connected to that face, that they lost all sense of perspective."

Indeed, the media seemed to forget that Great Britain has filled the world with ugly singers, whether Mick Jagger or Amy Winehouse.

"Yes, oh my god. Have you heard Rehab? It's a great song, and Amy Winehouse is way uglier than Susan Boyle," said Miranda Huang, a seamstress in London. "I didn't see what the big deal was. Most people in England have some sort of facial deformity."

Yet the media couldn't stop writing about Boyle. Day in, day out, for more than a month, they wrote article after article or filmed segment after segment about her--should she get a makeover, would a makeover make her lose her appeal, did she make Adam Lambert gay?

"Typical media overkill," said Hasaan Ali, a pirate in Somalia. "I'm so sick of hearing about her. I'd rather have Navy SEALS take me out with a head shot than be punished like this."

Ali, who typically robs luxury liners or cargo ships every couple weeks, said he would also take a bullet if that meant he didn't have to hear anymore about Jon and Kate Gosselin.

Comments

[Texas4Obama]

Bravo !!!
Great article ;)

[Friendoftruth]

Amber15, you're right: he cannot stop talking about her.
He hates her but he cannot stop thinking of her. Me neither. You neither. This is incredible, unstoppable.
Dear unknown journalist, I'm like you, I just cannot bear the fact that an ordinary British lady, a spinster, not rich, not famous, not young, not plastic beautiful, could get up there. I look in the mirror and see the green face of envy, that I have to say. But I can't help it, I just cannot bear it. Ah, she doesn't even represent anything particularly correct, politically, like those kids who won over her. A church volunteer, give me a break. And she's going to go on being famous for years and years to come. May be even she will appear in history books. This is unbearable.
What can we do?

[ocotilla]

Well, I am tired of hearing about terrorists and a world financial meltdown. Give me the story
of a woman with courage and talent any old time. Sad for you that you are so jaded. Yawn.

[amber15]

"Yet the media couldn't stop writing about Boyle." and yet even YOU cannot stop writing about her!

Sorry but your article is a bit shallow and simple and neglects to take in to consideration the incredible effect she has had on the world. Virtually millions of people watched her first singing debut and it brought JOY to them, tears to them and a moment of hope for the undergdog. Your insensitivity is only a reflection of the bullish britain tabloids mentality determined to destroy anything good. If you few people didn't like her then DON"T WATCH and don't blame others for your inability to share others joy. PLEASE MOVE ON and let those that enjoy her singing alone. You must have others things to write about than trashing others........

[dontomas]

No comment.

[jhamm1]

Count me in.

I hope this moment comes to be remembered as the most humongous case of media overkill in the history of the 21th century.

Now, the overzealous fans can close the book on a not-entirely-happy-ending to what they perceive as an epic faery tale and get back to basics.