THE BLOG
07/01/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

World Breathes Easier Now That Susan Boyle's Reign of Terror Ends

(LONDON) There were celebrations around the world this weekend as Susan Boyle lost on Britain's Got Talent.

"I"ve never been so happy about news on someone who I care nothing for," said Ishmael Valdez of Mexico City. "Thank the gods she lost. I'd rather catch the swine flu than have to hear one more thing about this woman."

Boyle rose to...fame? Became a person the media refused to ignore? by singing a song from Les Miserables on the British game show. It was never clear why the media grew so interested in her, but Dr. Hanrell Egerts of Harvard's School for Things That Confound Us All believes she has the answer.

"Given the Barbie doll nature of popular female singers in America, I think that most people in this country have forgotten that ugly people can sing too. Even women," said Egerts. "I think people were so shocked that that voice came out of that mouth connected to that face, that they lost all sense of perspective."

Indeed, the media seemed to forget that Great Britain has filled the world with ugly singers, whether Mick Jagger or Amy Winehouse.

"Yes, oh my god. Have you heard Rehab? It's a great song, and Amy Winehouse is way uglier than Susan Boyle," said Miranda Huang, a seamstress in London. "I didn't see what the big deal was. Most people in England have some sort of facial deformity."

Yet the media couldn't stop writing about Boyle. Day in, day out, for more than a month, they wrote article after article or filmed segment after segment about her--should she get a makeover, would a makeover make her lose her appeal, did she make Adam Lambert gay?

"Typical media overkill," said Hasaan Ali, a pirate in Somalia. "I'm so sick of hearing about her. I'd rather have Navy SEALS take me out with a head shot than be punished like this."

Ali, who typically robs luxury liners or cargo ships every couple weeks, said he would also take a bullet if that meant he didn't have to hear anymore about Jon and Kate Gosselin.

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