As, I was saying, I feel strongly that America is only as strong as its strength. And it's because of America's strength that we don't all speak German, that our kids don't all speak Russian, that our grandchildren won't have to speak Farsi or Arabic or Chinese or Klingon. And...

My fellow Republicans, before I begin, I want to make sure that someone is secretly video taping this on their cell phone. Oh, good, you can always count on the caterers. Because it's very important that what I am about to say to you here in this private last minute...

"Lybia Oh Lybia"
(to the tune of Groucho Marx's signature hit, "Lydia, The Tatooed Lady." )

Lybia oh Lybia, what happened in Lybia
At the American embassy?
Who'd have thought we were abhorred so?
In Benghazi, even more so

Lybia oh Lybia, just check...

When politicians or other public figures get in hot water over something they said, they have a choice. Either they can walk it back or they can double down. I used to get confused about which was which. But I think I have a handle on it now.

Walking it...

Look, I love Clint Eastwood's movies. But when he makes a movie, there is a script. His keynote embarrassment at the Republican National Convention was live improv by an 82-year-old guy who has clearly not been taking his ginkgo biloba. Off the cuff and off his meds. It was the...

Pity the network executives. In what amounts to an epic fail to adapt, they're racking their little dinosaur brains, according to a recent New York Times article, trying to figure out how to "appeal to Hispanics without using stereotypes." So far, no luck. Consequently, they can't seem to come...

Before it got swapped last minute with an item about Howard Stern's new gig on America's Got Talent, I was going to kick off my weekly quips with Randi Kaye on CNN this last Saturday by riffing about that viral video starring Jersey Governor Christie and Newark Mayor Cory Booker.

Tell you the truth, soon as I hear salsa music, even if it's just instrumental, I automatically start thinking in Spanish. Can't help it. It's one of those subconscious environmental triggers that keeps us bilinguals constantly brincando back and forth between idiomas. So if the music takes me into Spanish...

Dear TIME Magazine:

Someone just handed me a copy of your latest issue. You know, the one with all of the Latinos on the cover. Why so many? Are you trying to make up for all those years since that Ricky Martin cover back in 1999? I still have that...

I caught Clint Eastwood talking Spanish on the Telefutura Network the other night. Somehow, Inspector Callahan's amenazas came off just as threatening as ever, despite a dubbing job that sounded like the lines were being read by an overly polite opera tenor with a lisp. What I couldn't get...