12/19/2012 08:20 am ET Updated Feb 17, 2013

What Hef Knows and You Don't (NSFW PHOTOS)

Well, I don't know about you, but Hef and I had quite a year together: what with him first trading in one multi-girlfriend posse for another before welcoming back his infamous runaway bride Crystal Harris who skipped out on their June 2011 nuptials--and now finding himself, most likely, poised to finally marry her in the penultimate hours of 2012--and what with me having had to cross-examine him each time any such whim overtook his heart. The romantic whims of Hugh M. Hefner, I will tell you, are epic and not infrequent.

"The fault is mine, I confess," he said with a lilting sigh in late summer as we sat down at his place (the Playboy Mansion--againnnnn!) for yet another in a series of heart-to-heart debriefing sessions--the candid bounty of which have been newly appended to the updated very-good-life manual, Hef's Little Black Book. Created as a smart trusty guide (with pictures! such pictures!) to bolster all big-dreamers with the hard-won wisdom and magical tales of Mr. Playboy Himself--agelessly 86 and (I swear) defiantly sharp-as-a-shiv--the long out-of-print Little Black Book returns just in time to perhaps also help fathom how he presently stands, quite probably, unthinkable but true, at the brink of more time.

A visualist visionary, he tells us: "I've always thought about my life like a movie. You need the drama. If you think of your life that way, you get through the tough times." Thus, further flickering illustrative life advice follows herewith...

Hugh Hefner's Dating Tips

Subscribe to the Culture Shift email.
Get your weekly dose of books, film and culture.