Why I Didn’t Attend My 4th of July Pancake Breakfast

As many of you are undoubtedly aware, I did not attend the 4th of July Pancake Breakfast held in my honor this year. Like Rep. Randy “Duke” Cunningham (R-San Diego), who also skipped a 4th of July Pancake Breakfast held in his honor, I did not want to create a media frenzy or bring any negativity to the event.

After conferring with friends and family, and after doing not-a-little soul searching, I came to the conclusion that my supporters had already been through enough and that this 4th of July Pancake Breakfast might be a good opportunity for everyone to finally catch their breath, lick their wounds and maybe -- just maybe -- let the healing begin. And despite the fact that it took a couple of days before anyone reported back to me about how the event went, boy when they did, was I gratified to learn that the pancake breakfast had accomplished all that I had hoped for and more. As a result, I’m very comfortable with my decision not to attend and I really can't stress that enough.

Which doesn’t mean it was an easy decision to make. If you’ve spent even five minutes with me, you’re probably aware just how much I love pancakes. In fact, it’s safe to say I was looking forward to that 4th of July Pancake Breakfast more than you’ll ever know. House arrest really wears on a person and though it’s a little embarrassing to admit, I’d circled the date in thick black ink a couple of months back and was x-ing out the days all the way up to the 4th. And not that it should matter to anyone but I really did have quite a difficult time convincing the judge that I wasn’t a flight risk and that I’d only be gone for an hour or an hour-and-a-half, tops. And in any case, where was I going to go with that monitor around my ankle? As it is, I can't even make it to the kitchen without falling down or crashing into something.

But it’s all good. Really. From what I’ve been able to piece together, it sounds like everyone had fun at my 4th of July Pancake Breakfast and that’s what’s important. I mean, sure, I’ll admit I was kind of hoping one or two of you who attended might have dropped by with a plate that you’d fixed for me -- you know, nothing fancy, just a couple of leftover flapjacks, maybe some fruit salad or a Belgian waffle, that sort of thing. No worries, though. Despite the fact that the breakfast was held in my honor and that if it hadn’t been for me, none of you would have even been in that park in the first place hanging out and having fun, I understand. You’ve all been through a lot and this was part of the long road back. Believe me, I get that. I really do.

In any case, the way I see it, even if this year's 4th of July Pancake Breakfast was kind of a personal bust (no pun intended), there’s always next year’s 4th of July Pancake Breakfast to look forward to. If for some reason I still happen to be under court supervision, which unfortunately my lawyers are telling me is looking more and more likely to be the case, you’ll know where to find me. Do me a favor, though, and don’t just ring once. Sometimes I don’t hear the bell and I get all the way downstairs and there’s no one there.

Happy Belated Fourth of July, everybody!