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Billy Kimball

Entries by Billy Kimball

How Annoying Is Anne Hathaway: A Scientific Inquiry

(35) Comments | Posted February 2, 2013 | 11:10 AM

On January 18th, the online magazine The Daily Beast, which now incorporates what remains of Newsweek, ran an article about the actress Anne Hathaway who had won a Golden Globe as Best Actress a few days before and then made a speech that some regarded as artificial and actressy. The...

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God Bless You, Big Campaign Spenders!

(45) Comments | Posted November 3, 2010 | 1:34 PM

To all of the candidates in yesterday's election -- Republican or Democratic, winners or losers -- thank you! The billions you spent on your races during these dark economic times will go a long way toward helping many Americans -- Republican and Democrat -- make ends meet and possibly put...

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My "Teachable Moments" with the Cambridge Police

(8) Comments | Posted July 28, 2009 | 9:23 PM

The recent uproar about the arrest of the distinguished Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates called to mind my own experiences with the Cambridge police during my years in college, several decades ago. As with the incident involving Prof. Gates, each of these encounters provided what President Obama called a "teachable...

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Big Three Automakers to Give Every American a Free Car

(15) Comments | Posted December 11, 2008 | 2:00 AM

Facing stubborn resistance from some Senate Republicans to a bailout for the ailing auto industry, the three major carmakers, General Motors, Ford, and Chrysler, have reportedly decided to sweeten the deal by offering every American household a free car if the bailout goes through.

A version of the emergency rescue...

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Barack Obama Insults Dog, Jumps Shark

(140) Comments | Posted November 30, 2008 | 2:25 AM

Reasonable people may differ as to when exactly the bloom came off the rose for Barack Obama. Of course, hopes fulfilled inevitably bring anti-climax, so it's possible that much of the general public is now predisposed to find fault even where none exists. But surely few of his supporters, and...

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Obama Team Mulls Role for Miss Lewinsky in New Administration

(51) Comments | Posted November 23, 2008 | 1:06 AM

President-Elect Barack Obama's transition team is reported to be deeply divided over whether to offer a post to Monica Lewinsky, the former White House Intern whose intimate relationship with President Bill Clinton led to his impeachment.

Until now, Lewinsky was one of the few high-profile figures from the Clinton Presidency...

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Obamas Expected to Have Sex in White House, Insiders Say

(231) Comments | Posted November 20, 2008 | 2:15 AM

In what is sure to be a controversial move, President-elect Barack Obama has indicated to his inner circle of advisors that he and his wife may have sex in the White House sometime during the four years of his first term in office.

"He's not saying they definitely will have...

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A Long Night's Journey into Day in Minneapolis

(53) Comments | Posted November 6, 2008 | 7:52 AM

The lawn signs are still up for Al Franken here in Minneapolis. And they seem likely to stay up until long after the squirrels have eaten the faces off of all the remaining jack-o-lanterns. A mandatory recount looms in Al's still-undecided Senate contest with Republican incumbent Norm Coleman and the...

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Are We Rome? Naaah.

(34) Comments | Posted October 29, 2008 | 4:07 PM

In a characteristically sassy column on October 11th, the New York Times' frequently forwarded columnist Maureen Dowd summed up the declinist mood currently sweeping the sushi-and Schopenhauer set. The piece, entitled "Are We Rome? Tu Betchus!," consisted mostly of a typical Dowdian flight-of-fancy: an extended riff in what might...

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The Cooler: Illustrating the Financial Crisis

(0) Comments | Posted October 13, 2008 | 10:55 AM

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Come on, People! This is the Third Most Important Election of Our Lifetime

(18) Comments | Posted October 9, 2008 | 10:34 AM

Regardless of which side you're on, I think you'll agree that this year's presidential election is awfully important. The voters have been presented with a clear choice between two candidates with fundamental differences in their backgrounds and levels of experience and in their plans for our country's future. The significance...

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Let's Admit it, the Financial Crisis is Kind of Cool

(46) Comments | Posted October 1, 2008 | 5:01 PM

Back in 2002, The Onion ran one of the truest of the thousands of untrue headlines that have appeared in that publication over the years. It read, "Peace Activist Has to Admit that Barrett .50 Caliber Sniper Rifle is Pretty Cool."

The piece (you can read it here) explains...

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Debate Analysis: My Candidate Did Great!

(37) Comments | Posted September 27, 2008 | 1:21 AM

Could you believe it? A slam-dunk, right?

I haven't seen a beat-down like that since Bentsen vs. Quayle. It wasn't even close! It's over. There's no way the Other Guy can bounce back from a humiliating defeat like that.

My Guy was so presidential. You could really see him sitting...

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Well Played, John McCain!

(186) Comments | Posted September 25, 2008 | 5:38 PM

The apocalyptic tone of this year's presidential race is starting to wear me out.

While neither Barack Obama or John McCain is claiming that the world will end if the other is elected (on the other hand, both Sarah Palin and Joe Biden seem perfectly capable of saying such...

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This Election Don't Trust Anyone Under 30

(168) Comments | Posted September 20, 2008 | 3:38 PM

I believe that old people are our future.

Although the number of Americans aged 18-29 is about the same as the number over 65, 40 million or so, voter turnout among the older group was far higher in the last presidential election. Almost 80% of the feisty oldsters turned...

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Shocking New Video Calls Palin's Qualifications into Question

(52) Comments | Posted September 18, 2008 | 1:12 AM

It's a tawdry scenario that has become one of the more depressing clichés of our modern media era: an attractive but naive young woman, eager to succeed in show business, falls into the hands of a Svengali who convinces her to perform unnatural acts on videotape with vague promises that...

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How Stupid Do They Think We Are? I Dunno. How Stupid Are We?

(180) Comments | Posted September 13, 2008 | 1:57 AM

That nasty schoolyard adjective, the "S Word," "stupid," has returned to the national discourse right on schedule, as politicians, pundits, and celebrity political hobbyists from both sides accuse their opponents of trying to pull a fast one on the American Public. It's intended to belittle by suggesting that the other...

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Sarah Palin is Rubber; Barack Obama is Glue

(108) Comments | Posted September 11, 2008 | 2:42 AM

To the ten friends who e-mailed me the Photoshopped picture of Sarah Palin in the American flag bikini holding a rifle...

To the guy who posted the list of lies in her speech even before it was over...

To the rumor victim who sent me some new scandalous tidbit every...

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The Conventions as Infomercials: I'm Sold!

(1) Comments | Posted September 8, 2008 | 12:00 AM

Two Tuesdays past, when Hillary Clinton took the stage at the Democratic Convention in Denver in her Day-Glo pantsuit looking for all the world like a human highway cone, my immediate reaction was, "Is she here to speak or is she here to make balloon animals?" At first blush, this...

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Alaska: the Un-American State

(7) Comments | Posted September 4, 2008 | 9:56 PM

Less than a minute after Rudy Giuliani finished tanning himself in the spotlight in St. Paul, Sarah Palin took the stage Wednesday night in the most eagerly anticipated Republican debut since Brenda Frazier made her curtsies before polite society back in '38, (Actually, that's not really fair. For all I...

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