Obamas Expected to Have Sex in White House, Insiders Say

In what is sure to be a controversial move, President-elect Barack Obama has indicated to his inner circle of advisors that he and his wife may have sex in the White House sometime during the four years of his first term in office.

"He's not saying they definitely will have sex," said an Obama confidante who declined to be named, "But he's not ruling it out. He's also not ruling out having sex more than once."

Although Mr. Obama himself is a regarded as something of a sex symbol, there has been surprisingly little speculation and rumor about the incoming First Couple's romantic life. Longtime observers and friends regard both Mr. and Mrs. Obama as somewhat emotionally chilly. "From what I understand, it's a bit like the Vulcan mating ritual, the Pon Far," said outgoing Democratic Party Chair Howard Dean. "Barack will feel a seasonal urge that he knows rationally and logically that he is powerless to control. He will inform Michelle and she will attempt to satisfy the urge. Their schedulers work out the precise details."

Although it was common for American presidents to have marital sex in the White House throughout the 19th Century, the practice has become increasingly rare in modern times. The last president believed to have frequent intercourse in the White House was Calvin Coolidge whose relationship with his wife, Grace, became intensely passionate following the death of their younger son from an infected blister.

The two chief executives most often associated with presidential sex in recent years, Bill Clinton and John F. Kennedy, did not have the sex they are famous for with their First Ladies. Jimmy Carter, a former president known for a tendency to overshare wrote in his memoir, Keeping Faith: Memoirs of a President, that he and his wife Rosalynn had intercourse once a year on New Year's Eve "for five minutes with the lights off" during his presidency. Mrs. Carter disputed her husband's account in her own memoir, First Lady from Plains.

With four large bedrooms, the First Family's private apartment on the second floor of the White House is designed to accommodate whatever marital configuration the President and First Lady happen to prefer, according to Rear Admiral Stephen Rochon, the Chief Usher of the Executive Mansion. "The President's bedroom and the First Lady's bedroom can be as close together or as far apart as they want," Adm. Rochon said, adding that, as with many couples, sleeping arrangements are usually decided based on who snores. As for the possibility that the Obamas might share a bedroom, Adm. Rochon said he "could not see any reason for that."

The Secret Service has already begun preparing for the possibility that the president's tight schedule might be interrupted on occasion by a brief sexual interlude. The code phrase to indicate that the president (code name "Renegade") and First Lady (code name "Renaissance") are having sex will be "discussing the Bosnian problem" as in "Renegade can't be disturbed right now. He and Renaissance are discussing the Bosnian problem." In the event that president and Mrs. Obama are, in fact, discussing the Bosnian problem and not having sex, Secret Service agents have been instructed to say that they are "reviewing the Bosnian situation." A spokesman for the Bosnian government could not be reached for comment.

Mr. Obama preferences with regard to birth control are not mentioned in either of his books, The Audacity of Hope and Dreams of my Father, though Michelle Obama has said on several occasions that she does not plan to have any more children.

Although Mr. Obama drew scant support form the Religious Right during his campaign, Fundamentalist Christians would have no objection to the president having post-marital sex in the White House according to Focus on the Family's James Dobson. "Intimate relations in the context of a different-sex marriage is just not something we have a problem with, despite what the liberal media would have you believe," he said.

The news that President Obama may soon be having sex in the White House was greeted by his supporters with decidedly mixed emotions. "I'm a little glad and a little sad," said Danielle Garcia-Robinson, a college student and Obama volunteer from Madison, Wisconsin. "I'm glad if he's happy and feeling pleasure but deep down a little part of me will always wish he were having sex with me," Ms. Garcia-Robinson said. Her boyfriend, David Nagel, echoed her sentiment. "That's how I feel, too," he said.

Comments

[lynjs]

Not our business, people, not our business.

[GORGOROTH]

I appreciate honesty in a President but this is one case where I think it would've been okay to say "No comment" or better yet, "None of your beeswax"! The porn industry was lightning quick to come out with the video "Who's Nailin Palin" so I imagine we'll have some more fun titles like that in our future as lots of things rhyme with Obama! lol

[SSF]

Yes, they will have sex........and with each other! A truly revolutionary concept as far as recent White House sexual activity is concerned!

[GravitonX]

The right-wing is going bananas of this prospect. Black people in the white house HAVING SEX!!!

Oh, Lord!!! Oh, Lord!

[OrganOfThought]

LOL

[Jenjohnson]

This is quite a Cheeky Blog :)
However I must say it will definately be refreshing to have a president and a first lady that you can actually fantasize about. Move over Brad Pitt ..Will Smith... I have a crush on obama...

[jennybobenny]

is this a joke? somebody tell me this is a joke. (once in four years? separate bedrooms? pon far?) this doesn't sound like it came from the "you leak, you're gone" obama camp... freudian slip aside. ;)
for real, somebody tell me he's joking.

[lafrance]

it is called satire. What makes it funny is that it is so obvious that the Prez elect and his wife are so openly attracted to each other you just know that they enjoy the physical part of married life. And they are a young and attractive couple as well.
You know they will not be spending the next 4 years in separate bedrooms.
That is what makes this such a funny article and the satire work.

[craig100]

I guess the Obamas will learn like all Gay and Lesbian citizens already know - that the government is in our bedrooms! Free the Obamas from this nonsense please pass Prop 9 which outlaws people over 6" from marrying anyone under 5'5'!!!!

[Jared137]

My God, I would have every corner of that bedroom inspected for spy cameras. You never know what Bushie might have left behind.

[bubbuh]

Fear not, the Secret Service has them covered! TeeHee!

[Grubstreet]

Sorry, Billy. Looks like if you want to employ irony on this site you'll need to post a "WARNING: I have my tongue in my cheek" notice at the top of it, and end each paragraph with "(In case you were wondering, that was a kind of joke)"

[frack54]

But the morons reacting to the article as if it were real are my entertainment. Please don't deny me that pleasure.

[maxa143]

Making love in a loving and affectionate marriages is natural. Surely the First Couple are normal people who also need time for their intimacy not only shown in the public but in the privacy of their bedroom.

Just a matter of proper scheduling, brief or slow, as long as it fits the President elect's sked.

For most of it, let us leave them alone in this private matter even if anything under the sun can be discussed about their lives since they are constantly in public.

We wouldn't want scrutinized ourselves in intimacy, would we?

[GaModerate]

OMG if you look at the Obama's body language you know dog gone well there will be some sex going on in the white house and I say, a lot of it. It you watch some compaign videos, he places his hands very low on her waist, he holds her very close, and simple kiss is slow and not rushed. You can tell there is a lot of sexual energy going on and he is very interested in her. I think it is wonderful and maybe some marriages can be saved just by husbands and wives watching the Obama's. My husband is very proud of the way Barack looks at his wife. A deep love for his wife is a deep love for this country and that's why I trust he will do what is best for her (country, wife).

[dramaunfolding]

Knock it out of the park as much as possible.

[Fongenie]

Omg... you all are crazy. I love it!

[Hechizera]

WTF?!!? Hanky-panky in the White House?! Somebody pass a law quick!

[fulanita]

LOL! I'm sure those repressed Republicans have thought about it.

[drowninginred]

If the White House is a rockin'... don't come a knockin' LOL

[djsi]

WTF?
I want Barack to have as much sex as possible so he can be calm and collected throughout his term

[Fongenie]

Lol.