Obamas Expected to Have Sex in White House, Insiders Say
In what is sure to be a controversial move, President-elect Barack Obama has indicated to his inner circle of advisors that he and his wife may have sex in the White House sometime during the four years of his first term in office.
"He's not saying they definitely will have sex," said an Obama confidante who declined to be named, "But he's not ruling it out. He's also not ruling out having sex more than once."
Although Mr. Obama himself is a regarded as something of a sex symbol, there has been surprisingly little speculation and rumor about the incoming First Couple's romantic life. Longtime observers and friends regard both Mr. and Mrs. Obama as somewhat emotionally chilly. "From what I understand, it's a bit like the Vulcan mating ritual, the Pon Far," said outgoing Democratic Party Chair Howard Dean. "Barack will feel a seasonal urge that he knows rationally and logically that he is powerless to control. He will inform Michelle and she will attempt to satisfy the urge. Their schedulers work out the precise details."
Although it was common for American presidents to have marital sex in the White House throughout the 19th Century, the practice has become increasingly rare in modern times. The last president believed to have frequent intercourse in the White House was Calvin Coolidge whose relationship with his wife, Grace, became intensely passionate following the death of their younger son from an infected blister.
The two chief executives most often associated with presidential sex in recent years, Bill Clinton and John F. Kennedy, did not have the sex they are famous for with their First Ladies. Jimmy Carter, a former president known for a tendency to overshare wrote in his memoir, Keeping Faith: Memoirs of a President, that he and his wife Rosalynn had intercourse once a year on New Year's Eve "for five minutes with the lights off" during his presidency. Mrs. Carter disputed her husband's account in her own memoir, First Lady from Plains.
With four large bedrooms, the First Family's private apartment on the second floor of the White House is designed to accommodate whatever marital configuration the President and First Lady happen to prefer, according to Rear Admiral Stephen Rochon, the Chief Usher of the Executive Mansion. "The President's bedroom and the First Lady's bedroom can be as close together or as far apart as they want," Adm. Rochon said, adding that, as with many couples, sleeping arrangements are usually decided based on who snores. As for the possibility that the Obamas might share a bedroom, Adm. Rochon said he "could not see any reason for that."
The Secret Service has already begun preparing for the possibility that the president's tight schedule might be interrupted on occasion by a brief sexual interlude. The code phrase to indicate that the president (code name "Renegade") and First Lady (code name "Renaissance") are having sex will be "discussing the Bosnian problem" as in "Renegade can't be disturbed right now. He and Renaissance are discussing the Bosnian problem." In the event that president and Mrs. Obama are, in fact, discussing the Bosnian problem and not having sex, Secret Service agents have been instructed to say that they are "reviewing the Bosnian situation." A spokesman for the Bosnian government could not be reached for comment.
Mr. Obama preferences with regard to birth control are not mentioned in either of his books, The Audacity of Hope and Dreams of my Father, though Michelle Obama has said on several occasions that she does not plan to have any more children.
Although Mr. Obama drew scant support form the Religious Right during his campaign, Fundamentalist Christians would have no objection to the president having post-marital sex in the White House according to Focus on the Family's James Dobson. "Intimate relations in the context of a different-sex marriage is just not something we have a problem with, despite what the liberal media would have you believe," he said.
The news that President Obama may soon be having sex in the White House was greeted by his supporters with decidedly mixed emotions. "I'm a little glad and a little sad," said Danielle Garcia-Robinson, a college student and Obama volunteer from Madison, Wisconsin. "I'm glad if he's happy and feeling pleasure but deep down a little part of me will always wish he were having sex with me," Ms. Garcia-Robinson said. Her boyfriend, David Nagel, echoed her sentiment. "That's how I feel, too," he said.
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things could get a bit confusing for the staff in terms of possible bosnia discussions, if barack keeps up his habit of leaving his ties on the bedroom doorknob, that michelle complained about.
There`s gonna be a lot of Keith Sweatin going on.
Hoo, ooh, ooh
Yeah, baby
Mmm...mmm...mmm...mmm...
Feel so good, feel so good
Come on in, baby, have a seat
Take your shoes off, let me massage your feet
You look like you’re in the mood for good love
Turn the lights off, girl, that’s what I give you plenty of
Uhh, not sure it's any of our business, but then I can't shake the image in my head of Barack and Michele lying wide awake in their bed, staring at their walls and ceiling and wondering what sort of surveillance devices surround them. I know I'd be paranoid for the longest time about how much privacy I really had in that place. Definitely a libido crusher.
Hee Hee!
(singing Rockwell) "How come I feel like somebody's watching me!"
Well, I have to say I knew this was coming. Put satire apart, I always felt that the media wanted to know what Obama looked like naked. That was the only thing they couldn't get the scoop on. So now they want to know will he and Michelle get it on! I think it is safe to say- hell yeah!
You forgot Harry Truman. I believe he and Bess had sex one time in the White House (just to say that they did it).
What a great "story"!
The best part of this artcle is reading all the serious comments. What a hoot.
Not funny. Not. Even. Close.
This really is a satire.... right?
How could you possibly know who is, or is not?
And really! I don't care that the White House is the peoples' house. Our President lives there, and I don't want to know what they are doing in the residence.
Is this really necessary to discuss the sex life of anyone, especially the President. What two consenting adults do in their bedroom is their business. It absolutely not our business to know or even discuss their sex life. It really appeals as disrespectful!
Billy Kimball. . . you're a naughty little blogger. I loved reading every sentence!!
This is a joke right? This entire article is meant to be sort of "The Onion" style reporting right? Do we really want a president who's not getting laid regularly? Was Bush getting some of Laura's bush on a regular basis? If not that could explain why the country is so screwed up right now.
I hope Barack and Michelle crack headboards and get caught in closets and under tables having as much horny, freaky sex as possible. With divorce rates continuing to be high it would be great to see a loving couple in the White House having lots and lots of sex.
We don't need a sexually constipated leader of the free world. We need him sharp and on point all the time. Having a gallon of baby batter in his system could clog up his thoughts and get him off his game.
I hope Barack and Michelle all the best and hope to see them holding hands, snuggling and being a loving couple in public. That's his wife. He should love her like no one else on this planet and showing it will show that he's not only a great leader but a great husband, lover and friend.
LOL...well said!
...xD lol yeah.
It's a humour article.
(not necessarily you but) Why are so many posters not getting that?!?
Is dry t*ounge in cheek humour hard to get nowadays or something?
All of you who can't see that this is satire... just lost at internet.
Boy and did I have a good laugh.
Just as long as you are getting that "something, something" from your wife, then that's fine.
Is this article really necessary?? lol.
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