Volumes have been written about heterosexual marriage while very little has been written supporting the development of strong stable faith-filled Same Gender Loving (SGL) couples and families. The family, straight or SGL, is an integral part of the faith community. Defining relationships and family for SGL people is a struggle in itself; however the stability of these relationships is foundational to the stability of the community.
How should our faith communities respond to relationships and families that don't fit the acceptable social norm? When is marriage a sacrament? The Christian Church had a similar dilemma 200 years ago when it sought to determine how to justify the inclusion of slave families that did not fit the requirement set forth by the church. Some churches as far back as the 1800s had decided to welcome slaves, conditionally, as members. The issue was how could the church receive them "in good standing" when some of the married slaves had both their current spouses and another spouse and often other children on another plantation. This was due in large part to the ability of the slave master to sell slaves away at will. Underlying this issue was the fact that slave marriages were not considered valid and legal, as slaves were not truly "people" but possessions. How could the church make their marriages sacred and make them accountable to their vows if their master could force them in and out of their marriages? One church, the Welsh Neck Baptist Church of South Carolina decided that to grant membership to the slave couples was "less evil" than excommunicating them. They further stated:
That servants separated by their owners, & removed to too great a distance to visit each other, may be considered dead to each other; & therefore at liberty to take a second companion, in the lifetime of the first; as the act of separation was not their own voluntary choice; but the will of those who had legal control over them.
Good sound relationships are foundational in the formation of families. But what is a family? In my history and in the experience of the African American community it was often not "nuclear," and was not typified by the television programs of my youth ... 'Donna Reed," "Leave it to Beaver" or "Father Knows Best." Aunts, grandparents, family friends and non-relatives raised many of my friends. I, like many others, am the product of a broken home, but it did not seem broken, as the village/church was so family-like. We were in a community where the adults were responsible for everyone's children and we as children were responsible to the adults who cared for us. Diverse families abounded.
Some definition and affirmation must be given to diverse same-sex couples to establish beginning points for relationship accountability to and from their faith communities. Relationships must be established in some way to indicate clearly what the expectations are for the church, the extended family, parents and children.
Same-sex marriages should not only be an acceptable practice in the Christian Church, other faith communities and society, but these marriages are essential to the harmony of the community where SGL congregants are present. These marriages are essential for the support of couples who have so few examples of sexual fidelity, and long-term commitment.
In my pastoral experience, I have been involved with ministries where there were large numbers of SGL African American persons. These ministries often placed a major emphasis on music and other forms of artistic expression. I have seen the theological and doctrinal positions of these churches change progressively as they sought to include SGL persons who were integral to the life of the community. It seems difficult in most cases, however, to cross the line from benevolent tolerance to full affirmation; to create a community of affectional and sexual orientation parity along with gender parity, class parity, etc. The struggle seems to be centered on finding a socially acceptable, normative, and safe way to fully incorporate homosexual parishioners, alongside straight parishioners. What does a predominantly straight ministry do with its SGL parishioners, without offending the straight folks?
What has occurred is a subculture of SGL persons in the Christian community who are not necessarily condemned for being SGL, but who are also not given equal status with heterosexual persons in a heteronormative environment. SGL Christians are not often free to celebrate anniversaries, show affection in public, or share a last name. Marriage and relationship seminars and "how to" workshops are limited to heterosexual couples. Heterosexual couples expect permanence in their partnerships, because the structures of extended family, and the legal system built around their relationships reinforce their permanence. In the same way that little attention was given to the 'invalid' marriages of slave couples, little attention is given to developing and supporting same sex families. SGL couples are often not challenged to answer the hard questions regarding commitment -- to do so would validate an invalid marriage. Even in theologically liberal environments this model seems to give a message that says, "If you are SGL we accept you, without any accountability, just to let you know how inclusive and gracious we are; but we hold straight Christians to a higher moral standard". In an ethical sense, this is still second-class treatment and a step below full acceptance of SGL people into the church community. Visible, open SGL persons are not expected to live in faithful personal relationships, and are assumed bereft of the moral requirements for leadership, so they are not considered strong candidates for certain roles within the Church. Interestingly, these roles are most often the roles that strongly impact the social norms of the community - i.e., pastor, teacher, deacon, youth leader, etc. In order to make all privileges and opportunities available to all persons, responsibilities, requirements, and expectations should also be equal. For example, where there is strong emphasis placed on counseling and preparation before, and support and accountability during heterosexual marriage, there should be a similar means by which SGL persons can have their relationships made normative and part of church community life. I believe supporting same sex marriage would do a great deal to bring about equality and end the 'Second Class Citizenship' of Same Gender Loving persons in faith communities
Stephanie Covington Armstrong: Gay Mom Seeks Mate: Why I Want A Wife For My Mother
The word Christian means Christ-like or simply to be like Christ. As a Bishop, what is so Christ like about a Man having sex with another Man or a woman using the likes of a Penis to have sex with another Woman? How could you join with others in support of that which the Bible condemns? " Why it's essential for the Church to embrace same sex marriage." you want the.. what? The Church? Do you know what you are actually saying. I know you are not refereeing to the Baptist or Catholic or Pentecostal Church, you are in fact saying .....No. no. I refuse to believe that you; supposedly called of God to watch the Flock over which he has made you an Overseer; Instead, you are actually granting them licenses to Sin.
. We preach a form of Godliness but deny the power thereof .
But, Here I Stand ...I Can Do no Other. So Help Me God. AMEN ! !
Thank you for pointing out the obvious. Indeed I am. I am convinced by my own struggles that as long as we are in this Human Frame, we are always going to make mistakes: and so we constantly strive toward the mark dying daily, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifested in our mortal bodies (2 Corinthians 4;10,11) My passion stems from a life long struggle with religious leaders, who claim to be Leading Men and Women in Biblical Thruth while they themselves are so blind; as evident by this On-Going Debate. The Bible Clearly states: THOU SHALT NOT........and here we are having a debate. Why?
My comments are called judgments, when i am simply pointing out What the Bible say's. It's like saying to a blind man: Sir, there is a ditch in front of you. The Blind man may ask, how do you know. Well sir, according to the latest report from the "Good News " (The Bible), two nation of people Sodom and Gomorrah fell in and were destroyed. . But, how did you know I was blind,....Obyiously Sir, you are looking at the sign (leviticus18:22) and you are still heading in wrong direction. As one of Security Guards on duty, it is my responsibility to warn you.
If this is being judgmental then so be it, I have a job to do.....So Here I Stand ....I Can Do No other. Help Me Lord. Amen! !
53% said gay marriage should be legal (ABC News/Washington Post - March 2011)
51% believe marriages between gay couples should be recognized by the law as valid, with the same rights as traditional marriages (only 47% were opposed). (CNN/Opinion Research Corporation April 2011)
59% believe spouses in same-sex marriages should be given eligibility for federal benefits. (Quinnipiac July 2011)
52% supported same-sex marriage (AP-National Constitution Center poll September 2010), up from 46% in 2009.
52% said gay relations are morally acceptable, up from 45% five years ago (Gallup)
58% said gay relations should be made legal, up from 46% six years ago (Gallup)
58% said gay couples should be entitled to same government benefits as straight couples (Roper)
52% said the government should give legal recognition to gay couples (Roper)
52% said gay couples should have the right to marry (Opinion Research Corporation)
67% said their community is somewhat or very tolerant of gays (Fox-Opinion Dynamics)
52% of NJ voters think same-sex couples should have the right to marry; only 42% were opposed. (Quinnipiac - January 2012)
65% said gay marriage is not a threat to heterosexual marriage (Quinnipiac 2012)
53% believe that denying marriage for gay couples is discrimination (Quinnipiac 2012)
You went nuclear. Nice nuclear and fact filled nuclear are still nuclear.
Under the weight of all those things you cited and referenced is the booming silence of what you did not share. You did not say what you thought and felt. Those statistics can never speak for you.
When you are ready, your voice may speak to your points best.
Now let me dip out your business. Just sayin'.
I must take issue with your assertion that Same-Gender-Loving (SGL) couples "don't fit the acceptable social norm."
Actually, the societal norm in this country, based on nearly a score of national surveys by such respecting polling organizations as Gallup, Pew, Opinion Research Corporation, Roper and many others, is that gays and gay couples -- or your SGLs -- are to be treated equally.
In fact, more than 50% have consistently said they support equal rights for gays and gay couples. Far less than that attend church services regularly -- only about 41% or so, according to a Gallup survey. So, the societal norm is to support gays and to not attend church services.
Here are some of those survey findings.
54% would support a state law making gay marriage legal; only 40% would oppose such a law (Wall Street Journal/NBC News 2012)
53% say gay marriage should be legal (ABC News/Washington Post 2012 – up from 36% in 2006)
57% would vote to uphold gay marriage (Public Policy Polling May 2012)
52% believe gay marriage should be legal; only 39% believe otherwise (Public Policy Polling May 2012)
53% believe same-sex marriage should be recognized by the law as valid, with the same rights as traditional marriages (Gallup - May 2011)
(continued)
In fact 31 out of 31 states have passed the marriage definition of a man and a woman.
The SGL concept was introduced absent its relevant cultural moorings. As I understand it, SGL, Same Gender Loving, is what others call gay by ethnically conscious and aware African-Americans.
Dr. David Malebranche explained to me that it is a means of identification for this particular community that is absent the negative and unsavory loadings the term gay implies for some. Some people do not buy into or endorse all that the label gay implies, and find this a clean and purer way of expressing who they are.
I see this as parallel to Black women choosing to note themselves as womanists. Each group, each population, is empowered through self-naming.
So pen it up, please. I'll co-author.
Oh, and that last paragraph is.... too many things. Nice to see the mention and introduction of these notions. You know there are several important pieces of work in that obese paragraph.
Clearly, you are a woman of considerable intellect. The exposition of these views, now that you have floated a few out, is important. To she who is given, much is required.
Beyond finding the time to pray and engage in adequate sermon prep, you have an additional burden: MAKING the time to spell out these concepts in language that is honest, true to the human experience, and consistent with right standing before God.
Hoping to hear your amen, and see what is being spoken into existence through this exchange.
Bishop Flunder
I think as a contributor/blogger your comments should be printed in that yellow box. You may want to inquire with the powers that be here.