THE BLOG
06/03/2013 06:45 pm ET Updated Aug 03, 2013

A Groom's Guide to Wedding Planning

I love hearing stories about grooms that are wholeheartedly involved in the wedding planning. They attend the vendor appointments, pick out wedding colors, choose the music, taste the cake, etc. It's really nice to see such collaboration between the bride and groom. Because as we all know, a wedding is about two people getting married, not just about the bride. Right? Yeah, sure it is... Notice how I said "stories"? Because that's exactly what they are, stories.

In my experience, it's actually quite rare that the groom is interested in anything having to do with the wedding planning aside from where he is supposed to be and when he is supposed to be there... Oh, and how much it's going to cost. Yup! That's usually when the grooms get involved... When it's time to cut the checks. And frankly, I'm f*cking over it.

Listen, I know that not all of you grooms are the same, and that some of you really do like to help with the plans, but the truth be told, most of you are a royal pain in the ass. Here's what happens... You enter the equation just in time to screw up all of the arrangements. Seriously, instead of talking with your bride-to-be in advance about things like, oh I don't know, the budget, you wait until she has just about finalized the decor, finished meeting with all of the appropriate vendors, and is about to sign on the dotted line, and then BAM! You have heart palps about how much your bridey is spending on the damn flowers, and suddenly everybody has to slow down, and start over. Really? I even had a groom ask me if my fee was negotiable two months after his bridey hired me! I mean... C'mon!

So, for all of you groomys out there, may I offer you some advice? It's really simple actually... Here, I'll break it down for you.

A Groom's Guide to Wedding Planning:

1. Either you're all in, or you're all out. But, don't just "pop" into the wedding planning when it's convenient for you or there's money involved. Have a conversation with your bride-to-be in advance. If you're cool simply showing up to the wedding in the right style tux, then so be it.

2. If you're choosing to be all in, then be all in. Divide the responsibilities BEFORE your wedding planning begins to take on a life of its own. For instance, you will be responsible for hiring the DJ (or band), selecting the rehearsal dinner venue and assigning your mother shit to do so that she feels involved. Your bride will arrange the flowers, pick out some cool linen and hire the photographer. Together you will select the venue, choose your wedding rings and procure the transportation. And, all the shit in between? You'll divvy evenly as it presents itself.

3. If you're choosing to be all out, then be all out. But, do yourself a favor, groomy... Discuss the budget before your bride starts making the plans. If you don't, then you will most definitely be one of those guys I was referring to earlier. I mean it; you'll just end up ruining it for your bridey if you become involved only when there's money on the table.

4. If you made the decision to be all in, then live up to your responsibilities. Do actually hire the DJ, secure the rehearsal dinner venue, etc. But, please don't do it half assed because that's worse than not doing it at all (especially when you said you were going to handle it).

5. Understand that whatever budget you are planning on, you'll go over by about 15-20 percent. PERIOD. This point goes for both of you. Every planner I speak to says that same thing... Most couples go over budget, even when you pay people (ahem, like me) to keep you on track. It's called impulsive buys. Kind of like the shit that's perfectly placed near the register at the grocery store? You know? The caramels, gum, giant Blow Pops... You know you don't need it, but you really want it... So, please don't get mad at the bride, you're just as much to blame as she is.

Groomy, I hope this two-cent tour of wedding planning helps. I really do, because the more you know, the less you'll fight your way to the altar. Got it? Good! Stay Bitchless (groomy)!

You Might Be Interested In:

5 Myths About Grooms that Never Fail to Make Me Want to Bang my Head Against a Wall...

Grooms and Your Bottom... Line

Bitchless Bride Video #5 - Groomology

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