I'm not a mother of the bride (MOB) hater, but even with that disclaimer, I guarantee that this article will not make me very popular amongst you moms. Actually, I'm pretty confident that after I spill these particular beans, I'm probably going to have every MOB emailing me messages stating their disappointment (such a mom word); accusing me of crossing that line of basic respect for our parentals, but based on my experience, I feel like it is my responsibility to share these beans with all of you brides-to-be so that you actually enjoy your wedding day.
Keep in mind, bridey, the only reason I am privy to this list is because I've witnessed it. That said, if you know what to look for, then at least you can consider yourself forewarned, and not let the crazy MOB get you down.
- Mom notices the little things that you never would have seen in your euphoric wedding day state, and keeps telling you about them. For instance, your menu cards are not quite center, one of the bridesmaid dresses is too tight, there's a place setting missing at table 24, blah, blah blah.
- Mom will not stop talking shit about your dad's new girlfriend. "How could he have brought her here? I mean, on such a special day for the family."
- Mom is constantly telling you to reapply your lipstick, "for the sake of the photographs, honey."
- Your mom? She's downright hammered. Must have been because of your dad's new girlfriend. Somebody really needs to pry the Chardonnay out of her hands.
- On Bitchless Bride, I give you brideys a lot of shit about keeping your wedding planning in perspective, and not being a crazy bitch on your wedding day. But, today? Well, today it's your mom who is the bridezilla. She's an attention whore. She's a diva. She's a total bitch demanding attention from anybody who will listen. She's out of control.
- Mom keeps referring to your wedding as "her day," even at the ceremony.
- Mom invited several guests you didn't even want at the wedding, and is off "entertaining" them while your photographer is trying to get a few family shots.
- She's a control freak. She keeps telling your vendors what to do, when to do it and basically, how to do their jobs.
- She is following you around reminding you not to drink too much... "You want to remember everything about your wedding day, honey. I'd hate to see you drink too much and have your memories get muddled."
- You totally caught her taking a fingerful of the icing on the cake, and all she said is that no one will notice. Whaaaaa??!! (True story!)
Brideys, as a straight shooter, and as somebody who always has your back, consider yourselves forewarned. The best way around a poorly behaved MOB on your wedding day? Simply ignore her bad behavior (don't feed it), enjoy your new husband and have a good time! Got it? Good! Stay Bitchless!
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