After an amazing weekend filled with rehearsal dinners, beautiful weddings, "morning after" brunches, everything hurts; everything aches; everything cracks. I feel like an old lady hobbling around looking for my cane. But, the worst pain? My head. And my head hurts from too much thinking, and over thinking, and even MORE thinking, and not from drinking (like I'm used to). Seriously... The funny thing? My head doesn't hurt because of the lovely bride and groom from the wedding this past Saturday... It hurts from the endless emails and texts I received from my UPCOMING clients that either ask or say the most ridiculous crap. Simply whinnying about everything because they feel "so taken advantage of", and their "patience for this wedding stuff is running thin". Really?
If you missed my post last week on Bitchless Bride, I mentioned that I had an addiction. That I couldn't stop "using", and that no matter how hard I tried, I was simply "addicted to 'yes'". And while I openly admitted to my horrendous compulsion, to enabling my brides, and to just "making it happen", I must state for the record that I hate that I do it. I hate that it's EXPECTED for me to continue to "use". But, I do have my limits, and because it's only the beginning of the fall wedding season, I have to pace myself. But, I need your help brideys.
Seriously, I need for you to quit whinnying... Quit whinnying about all of the aspects of planning your wedding that we have no control over. Certain prices are fixed. Certain aspects are truly non-negotiable. And emailing me every second of the day isn't going to change that. Because even I can't "yes" my way to changing the industry "norm".
Like your wedding dress alterations? Yeah, they're expensive, and oftentimes non-negotiable. You know why? Because you're literally paying somebody to rip apart your very expensive wedding dress (yeah, the one that you only get to wear once), put it back together, and make it perfect for your perfect wedding day. Okay? This won't be cheap. And I'm sorry, but if you want those unbelievable flowers on your wedding cake that "look so incredibly real", then yes, you have to pay extra for them. And no, you are not being punished.... You're simply paying for a service. You're paying for a product. And you're paying for time. So get over it or don't get it.
I mean, let's get real people. I refuse to believe that you'd walk into Valentino or Burberry and ask WHY the amazing dress in the window is so expensive when you could just make it yourself. Or HOW COME the sunglasses don't come with the dress. Really? Come on.... Please. So why are you constantly surprised when the wedding industry demands to be paid for quality and time? I'm tired of apologizing for what every other industry "gets away with".
Brideys, the minute you got engaged, you signed on an invisible dotted line, and although you might not have realized it, you signed up for all of the shenanigans that go with planning your wedding. But seriously, like you didn't know your wedding was going to be expensive? I don't care if your budget is $10,000 or $100,000. A wedding is not cheap. Seriously, look at the numbers... The wedding industry is a 40 BILLION dollar industry... PER YEAR. It didn't get to be that way because everybody is working for free. It got that way because you are buying an experience; you are buying talent; you are buying memories. And you know what? It's freaking expensive. That's it. PERIOD THE END.
So quit whinnying about it! It is what it is. Just resign yourself to the fact that you're part of it now. Resign yourself to the fact that you don't have to like it; you just have to stop complaining about it.
You might also be interested in:
Bitch, Aren't There Drugs for That?
Four Ways to Go From Bitch to Bitchless
Some parts of the wedding industry are magical, and artists who handcraft the memorable items, confections, and garments deserve to be well-compensated, but way too much stuff is like the $60 pen.You've got to expect some pushback for that.
My first wedding was sooo elaborate. We were in our twenties and my bride came from a wealthy family. Too many details, too much show and far too many expectations and worries. It was more about the circus than the gentle commitment to love. Advice...forget the glamour and pomp, it is a waste of money and just an excuse to show off.
My second was smaller but still over-wrapped in tradition, religion and social acceptance. It went better but left both of us in aftershock and lingering disappointment for the bride. Don't replace your loving commitment with the trappings of tradition or sadness because it wasn't a dream come true.
My third and the best one was so simple. No religion, no fancy places or party. we were married in our living room with about a dozen people present. Afterwards we all went to the diner for meat loaf and pie. We are still deeply in love, spent our money on things we needed and no one was disappointed.
If you want to marry, forget the propaganda, find a comfortable place, invite only immediate friends and family and enjoy it as an act of love, not a social or economic commitment.
You are right about the flowers that look real but are made out of sugar paste. People have no clue or appreciation for how painstaking they actually are to create. Before I took my life in a different direction, I almost had the idea that in order for me to make a cake for you with said flowers, that the bride comes in and makes one herself...just to see that it is an art, a skill, and just how difficult they are to make, perhaps to give them a different perspective...that you don't just wave a magic wand and poof...there they are.
I made the decision to quit making such intricate cakes because of of the exact kind of bride you are talking about...and I am much happier for it.
Thanks for your comment!
XO,
BB
Just remember to factor in the little things... because those little things can be anything from wedding dress alterations to tipping a fantastic staff, can really add up quickly.
Good luck with your planning! I hope you find a great planner!
XO,
BB