So, I've written quite a bit about wedding etiquette, the dos, the don'ts, and the don't even think about its... But an important topic we haven't discussed is appropriate bridal party behavior, and how you as a couple can address what's helpful, hurtful and plain old hateful. Because it's recently come to my attention that not all of your "friends" or BFFs, bros, sisters or whomever, understand that pranks, embarrassing toasts and simply being contemptible is just not cool or appropriate at a wedding.
Brideys, this post is specifically for your bridal party so please, forward it to your bridesmaids and groomsmen while I, Bitchless Bride, take the floor and help you educate your bridal party on what's cool, and what will get them kicked out of school.
1. Let's start at the beginning of the wedding weekend, shall we? The rehearsal dinner... Hmmm... How can I say this without being too harsh? Don't be a d-bag. Yeah, don't get bombed, grab the microphone and start recounting the good ol' college (or high school) days of naked parties and drugs in front of an audience. Because there is nothing worse as a guest than watching a drunken bridesmaid or groomsman spew embarrassing moments from the past. Those are YOUR inside jokes and personal moments. So save that crap for people who were there and interested.
2. Just say "no" to pranks. ALL pranks. Like, don't hide the groom's tuxedo. Seriously, just don't do it. That's just mean and hateful. There is a lot of excitement and stress attached to the wedding, and while you might think you are hilarious, this is not funny or cool. You are only managing to get the groom all riled up and upset. So, be a good friend... Save the pranks (if you must) for the day after the wedding when the adrenaline levels have returned to normal, and married life has begun.
3. We all know that you, the matron of honor, got married last month, but that doesn't make you an expert photographer. So please, don't offer your suggestions, ideas or "you have to get this shot" comments to the professional. You wouldn't walk into your doctor's office and recommend a procedure you saw on "Grey's," so please don't provide your insights to the authority at the wedding.
4. No laughing. I know that it can be nerve-wracking as a bridesmaid or groomsmen walking down the aisle to the altar, but no matter what you do, dig deep and get it together. This is a wedding. Yeah, it's kind of a big deal, and your giggly ass walking down the aisle or standing up at the altar makes you look foolish. Not only that, but to the guest, it feels as though you are minimizing the importance of the day, which I KNOW is not your intention, but certainly appears that way. So relax, walk slowly, smile and focus on the enormity of the day without adding your own soundtrack.
5. Running to the bar (quite literally), ordering several drinks for yourself and your friends and then congregating in front of the bartender as guests are in line behind you is rude. Everybody's thirsty, so move it along and move out of the way.
6. Eat your own damn cake. I know that the table kitty-corner to the bar is super convenient, but when a guest returns to their seat after a few numbers on the dance floor, they might want to sit for a minute, sip some coffee and have a nibble. But, there you are, the whole bridal party, taking over and eating somebody else's cake. I mean... That's just rude. Take your drinks back to your table, eat your own cake, and show some respect.
7. Leave your clothes on. Do I really need to elaborate? I know that the dresses get hot, the spanks get itchy and the tuxes sticky, but for the love of God, please try to keep them as in tact as you possibly can. Seriously, nobody wants to see your pink, lace thong (well, maybe they do, but certainly not on the dance floor at a wedding), chest hair, full moon, adhesive bras or muffin top. If you need to let it all hang out, then loosen your tie, take off your jacket, put on some flip-flops and have fun, but anything else is just low class.
Brideys, I really hope this quick, two-cent tour helps you educate the peeps in your bridal party. Remember, the people you choose to surround yourself with both in general and on your wedding day is a reflection of who you are. And do you really want your guests walking away talking more about the jackasses in your wedding than how beautiful the day was? Didn't think so...
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