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Bitchless Bride Headshot

Wedding Planner or Personal Assistant?

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Alamy
Alamy

Hmmm... how to say this nicely... I'm your wedding planner, not your personal assistant. There, I said it. Wow, I feel much better. Brideys, it's really important for you to be able to distinguish between the two. No, really it is. You hired me to plan your wedding, not to tap my network for an amazing maid service to clean your apartment, not to "quickly grab a coffee (for you) before our meeting", and certainly not to pick up your birth control prescription because I am right near the pharmacy.

Listen, I completely understand how the lines can easily become blurred. I am in the service industry, but not the ALL services industry. I have a job to do, and would like to do it without being the liaison between every little detail in your life, and your wedding planning, especially when I'm in the midst of wedding season, and every bride thinks she's my only client, I feel myself starting to lose patience. And you really don't want BB or any other wedding planner to lose their patience because then it's really easy for us to stop being your advocate, and start being your nemesis.

So here's a simple checklist of wedding planning etiquette for you to follow so that the lines between planner and personal assistant become a bit less hazy (this is applicable to the wedding coordinator at the venue who's working hard to make sure your wedding is a success, and the person you hired to plan your wedding):

1. Drop the "Can you?" and "Do you mind?" statements from your vocabulary. Catch yourself before these words slide out of your mouth, because in my experience, it's always followed with something personal instead of wedding planning oriented. Is this something you can do? Do you really need your wedding planner to fulfill this task? Great! Then do it!

2. This is pretty basic brideys, but think about what you are going to ask before you ask it. Do I really need to be present when you're choosing which Jimmy Choo shoes to wear under your wedding dress? Or perhaps picking out some fun jewelry to wear on the big day? Because as much as I love shopping, shoes, and jewelry I start hating it when it's expected for me to have the ultimate say so in your decision. I am busy planning the significant details for your big day, so put your big girl pants on, and choose whatever makes you happy all by yourself. Or grab your MOH to help you! That's part of her job!

3. While I am always happy to help make your life easier during the planning, it's outside the scope of my services to assemble your welcome bags for your guests, unless you are paying me to do so. We can certainly talk about what you should be putting into the bags, the design, the color, etc., but if you are going to take on a DIY project (any DIY project for that matter), then DO IT YOURSELF!

4. If you need yarmulkes, Kiddush cups, coconuts, unity candles, light bulbs, rice or anything ceremonial, I can certainly guide you to the resources and even procure them, but if I am doing the work, then I am going to be paid for obtaining the items for you. As lovely as I am, I am also a businesswoman. My time is valuable, billable even. And frankly, these items can easily be retrieved by an actual personal assistant or even your by your fiancé. So, if I am getting them, expect that a percentage will be factored in for my time.

5. This is my absolute favorite... "Can you please email the notes from our meeting with the florist to her assistant? She doesn't have any because she was busy creating our arrangements for the showing." This is an actual line from an email I received from one of my brides. And not only is this florist NOT in my network of vendors, it is her responsibility to take notes, pictures, etc., and retain the details. If she wants to call me, we can talk, but I am not transcribing the meeting minutes.

Brideys, it is truly my goal to educate you on how to behave during your wedding planning. I want you to understand what is appropriate and what is out of line. I know that you most of you haven't planned a wedding or even a large event, so it's completely understandable that you are unaware. But, that said please allow me to provide you with the insight you need to really be a Bitchless Bride. Got it?

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