Men Are Dogs ... in All the Nicest Ways!

I can't tell you the number of times I've heard women say, "Men are dogs." Since joining the on-line dating scene, I've begun to understand that statement in a whole new way: It seems to me that looking for the right mate is very much like looking for the right dog. As I go out on dates, I'm screening for companionship, loyalty, livability, attractiveness, personality, temperament, and trainability -- not unlike what I looked for when I got my first dog a couple years ago. So I'm applying the lessons learned from dog-shopping to my present project of mate-shopping:

1.) KNOW YOURSELF - DECIDE WHAT'S IMPORTANT TO YOU.
When I decided to get a dog, I listed qualities that were important to me: I like fluffy dogs with very soft fur. My canine companion should be quiet with an easy-going temperament; I'm not into high-maintenance or high-strung dogs. My dog will be cute, but need not be gorgeous. And finally, it would help if the dog is already semi-trained.

I've given similar thought to the man I want in my life: I'd like one who's attractive, but he need not be gorgeous -- his personality is what's enduring, and endearing. Easy-to-live-with is very important -- no high-maintenance guys. Previous experience with marriage and kids is good, because chances are he's at least partially trained. And just like my dog, my man should be intelligent, funny, responsive, loving, loyal, and playful.

2.) THERE ARE MANY WONDERFUL ONES FROM WHICH TO CHOOSE.
As I began my dog-shopping, I discovered there are many terrific dogs available -- all different colors, sizes, faces, bodies, voices, and personalities. There were dogs for every taste and lifestyle - none were inherently good or bad, just different. All I needed to do was find that one who would fit my taste and my lifestyle.

It's the same with men -- there are many terrific men available -- all different colors, sizes, faces, bodies, voices, and personalities. None are inherently good or bad -- just different. I want to pick the one who's right for me.

3.) DO YOUR HOMEWORK AND TAKE YOUR TIME.
My dog search involved talking to people, doing some research, and visiting places where dogs were available. I asked dog owners and dog trainers what I needed to know. I visited public animal shelters, pet stores, and breeders. I kept an open mind and an open heart -- receptive to each mutt's good qualities. I looked, listened, touched, petted, and talked to the available dogs. I paid attention to how each responded to me -- or didn't.

It's the same thing with dating -- I consult with girlfriends who've successfully negotiated the minefield of today's dating scene. I do my research -- therapy, books, seminars, and lots of flirting. I put myself in social situations where I can meet great guys. I look, listen, and talk to available men. Yes, sometimes I touch and nuzzle them, too -- even kiss and pet. But I don't take them home. No, I won't do that until I'm sure I've found the one who's right for me.

4.) FINDING THE RIGHT ONE IS NOT THE END ... IT'S JUST THE BEGINNING.
The first few months new dog ownership were an adjustment -- not for the dog -- for me. One day I called a girlfriend to complain: "I think I made a mistake. ... Yes, the dog is affectionate, loving, fuzzy and warm, and she makes me laugh. But jeez ... she interrupts my work, she needs attention, she's full of energy and goes running around in the house when I'm trying to write. I can't get any peace and quiet -- she's just here all the time!"

My friend burst out laughing. "Sounds just like a husband to me," she said. "That dog is training you to have a husband!" After a moment of stunned silence, I laughed too.

It took six months to fully adjust to having this dog in my home and in my life. Now I'm ready to make the bigger adjustment of bringing a man into my life -- though it may take a bit longer than six months to adjust to having a two-legged companion.

I just wish there were adoption centers where men were organized by size and breed, their vital information posted on little 3x5 cards on their cage doors. I suppose that on-line dating profiles are supposed to serve that function, but when the dogs are allowed to fill out their own 3x5 cards to describe themselves ... well, who knows what to believe about them? Everyone knows how dogs exaggerate.

 

Follow BJ Gallagher on Twitter: www.twitter.com/BJ_Gallagher

Comments

[yappnmutt]

10:01 PM on 04/29/2010

men are dogs and most of us get stuck with b.....s.

[commonsenselives]

05:32 PM on 04/29/2010

I know you're trying to be cutesy here, but it falls very flat. All I can think is if this post was comparing women to cats, you wouldn't have gotten it posted...

[BaseballGuyCAA]

01:31 PM on 04/29/2010

Hmm... I wonder how the men you date would feel if they knew that you viewed them as pets, not as people?

I really don't think you'd ever make it to a second date. Then again, you are in your '40s and writing about online dating--you're probably struggling with that enough as it is.

[boraxpoindexter]

01:12 PM on 04/29/2010

This commentary is painfully sexist. As others have pointed out, how well would this concept go over if this was a male author talking about women this way? This was a poor editorial choice and a poor message to spread.

I hope Ms. Gallagher will not be invited back. Perhaps she could switch up her genders and find a sympathetic audience in Saudi Arabia. :(

[lefty2026]

09:48 AM on 04/29/2010

As a dog lover, I kind of understand your thinking... but even though I think that you meant to be cute, calling men dogs is very unlikely to go over well, especially when you include "partially trained" in your criteria. If I asked a man what he looked from in a women and trainability came out of his mouth at any point - he would not being seeing me again! As a woman this article makes me cringe, because this is the kind of thing that makes men feel like the feminist movement is completely off track, because women seem to want to belittle them rather than be equals.

[h0tr0d]

06:53 AM on 04/29/2010

I wonder if HuffPo would print the same article if written by a man ?

[Matthew Graybosch]

09:18 PM on 04/28/2010

As a man, I find this article disgusting. I am not a dog. I will not be treated as a dog. I am a human being, and I will be treated as such.

[GunOfSod]

04:25 AM on 04/29/2010

I'm not sure if you're trying to be funny, trying to drum up controversy or are just plain ignorant. But I find this extremely distateful, This article is not worthy of anyone who would call themself a Sociologist. You should be embarrassed by this.

[mammon55]

05:52 PM on 04/28/2010

women are delusional...in all the cutest ways