THE BLOG
11/09/2012 06:06 pm ET Updated Jan 09, 2013

How to Get Back On the Horse: 3 Tips for Resilience

Many of us get our cues from television. We watch females on sitcoms, romantic comedies, news programming and movies for cues on how to be a woman. But we don't get a lot of information around how to be a strong, resilient woman in the media or anywhere else -- unless we know to look for it.

While we see depictions of strong women in TV and film, we don't see healthy ways that they deal with the day to day setbacks. The truth is powerful women (off the screen) don't find success in their careers by being media stereotypes including the sex crazed man-eater, the waif or anything in between. Successful women know how to take care of themselves, and they do. That self-care gives them the strength to keep going no matter the setback is. On the opposite end of the spectrum if a woman is feeling "needy" it is likely her needs are not being met. No one in this world can meet her needs like she can.

Successful women have resilience. They recognize that in this world you can't avoid getting the door slammed in your face a few times. When there's something at stake, you face rejection. But eventually if you keep at it, you'll get there. No matter if that's a meeting with someone in your industry, a program you're applying for or a job opportunity -- you need the confidence in yourself. That confidence inspires persistence. Sometimes it's the last key in the lock that turns the door. To try all your keys you have to stay with it. You have to keep trying.

Persistence, self-care and resilience will bring you success.

Stay Resilient With These 3 Tips:

1. Create a financial safety net for yourself. It is much easier to take a risk when we know we aren't using our last resource to do so. It's challenging to live in reality when all day, we are immersed in messaging that distorts reality. When you live in reality, you have an emergency fund. If you are taking risks in your career it is very helpful to know you are not desperate. In order to have an emergency fund, you can't spend more than you make. You put money away for the "just in case." You don't drink away your sorrows or depend on someone else to swoop in and pay your debt (like a prince charming). You don't need Suze Orman to tell you to get involved with your money. Ask for help. You need your own silliness meter. If you see yourself living in la la land, not grounded in what realistic for you, you've got a problem. You need to make time and space to dream and breathe -- but don't put yourself into debt doing so. It is said "follow your heart but take your brain with you."

2. Make time to sweat. Exercise releases dopamine the chemical in your brain that contributes to happiness. Happy people manage their stress well. I encourage you to manage stress with exercise and meditation. Go take a dance class. There's nothing like a room full of women doing Zumba to release stress. You can't be in a bad mood after a good run or weight lifting class. I have no clue how people (not just women) don't exercise. Do this not only for the health benefits but to calm the wandering monkey mind.

3. When things go awry, you need someone to call other than your mom. You need to be around other people who can mentor you. They don't have to be other women -- since not all of us work in fields where there are a lot of women around -- but they have to be people with more experience. You want to keep people around you who lift you up but don't lie to you. If a mentor cares about you he or she will give you the hard feedback. They will give you with actionable advice but won't leave you in the gutter. If you don't have a mentor, a coach or psychologist can provide perspective. There is no shame in asking for help. You need someone other than your mom to call when things go awry. Your mom might be part of your problem. You need someone objective. Trust me on this one.

All successful women have faced setbacks in their careers. It is common that it's not the first or second time that people achieve their dream. Resilience is a big part of success. You have to have faith in yourself. If you manage yourself better when you fall off the horse, you won't hit your head. You need to be your own coach and continue to get back on that horse.

What are the things you do to stay resilient?

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