Just over six months ago I got engaged! Since then I have been finding out that a lot of things apparently happen to a couple when you get engaged Everyone who is anyone asks how the proposal went down, Ricky Martin tweets you "Congrats," strangers buy you a round of drinks and perhaps most shocking, you unknowingly commit yourself to planning a day that costs thousands of dollars and takes months upon months of planning.
Currently 16 weeks out from the "big day," I am knee-deep in planning my wedding, or more correctly, our wedding. Choosing a venue, a menu, invitation design, napkin color and definitively what to wear (not Dolce and Gabbana), is a mammoth and relationship testing task. If a wise man didn't once say, "if you can plan a wedding together, you can conquer the world together," then I am saying it now!
As a young, closeted and confused teen, I strongly believed that I would never be able to get married. Ten years ago there were only four countries in the world with marriage equality, and reading or hearing about a same-sex wedding was outdone by a reported sighting of Big Foot. With equality conquests occurring state and worldwide, the stories of LGBT couples sharing their nuptials have increased tenfold. Unfortunately not all of them have been positive, with the happy couple riding off into the sunset on the back of a unicorn.
Wedding cakes for same-sex marriages, or as I like to call them, gay cakes, have been in the news a lot as of late. Apparently some Christian Bakers have a problem with baking wedding cakes for same-sex couples.
Having now found myself in the market for wedding supplies, the stories I had been reading in the news about vendor discrimination made me very anxious, apprehensive and sensitive. When it comes to choosing and arranging something that should be easy as pie, the last thing any seemingly happy to-be-wed couple would ever assume is that their wedding cake of choice would be chocolate gateau covered in loathing from their baker of choice.
So far any fears I had have been unwarranted. What we read in the news can be a lot of doom and gloom, and it certainly can influence our opinions. I hate that I have been left to feel anxious and apprehensive when seeking wedding services, and I do not wish that upon any other person who is planning their special day. So in two short paragraphs I can detail and debunk the above, while sharing the fun, completely normal, and memorable experience of how choosing a cake for our wedding was.
We found our cake vendor online, and after trolling their website and Facebook page for a few minutes we knew they were LGBT friendly. Images of previous same-sex clients and their cakes produced by the bakery met our aesthetic vision. We contacted the bakery and arranged a time to visit their store for a consult, flick through their design catalog and taste cake!
We met with our cake consultant, discussed our wedding details and the aspirations for our cake. Once the boring part was out of the way we were given six different types of cake flavors to sample! We sat there for about 25 minutes sampling the cakes, discussing density, after-taste and how the cake bonded with our wedding theme. We smeared icing on each others nose, all the while pretending like this experience was such a chore. Our cake consultant informed us we were able to mix and match cake flavor, filling, and icing, oh the endless possibilities! We settled on a flavor, filling, icing, shape and decoration for our gay cake, and that was it. After 25 minutes of eating cake and 15 minutes of talking details, we had a cake for our wedding day free of bigotry and court orders, and an experience full of laughs and happy memories.
While I am a very very strong believer in righting wrongs, standing up for equality and living in a world that is free of discrimination, when it comes to spending a lot of money on something, such as a wedding cake, I am not going to give my money to someone who doesn't want or deserve it. At the end of the day we do have a choice on where our money goes. Being LGBT sadly at times can not be easy, and when facing discrimination on a daily basis it should be challenged and reported. It will always be important to do whatever possible to make this world a fair and just existence.
So far my big gay wedding has been bigotry- and discrimination-free. Moving forward that is all I hope and wish for myself, and any other LGBT couple who tie the knot. While that same right is not available to everyone, sometimes it is important to remind everyone that while the world may at times be big and bad, it is not always big and bad, and sometimes, just sometimes, things go without a hitch.