Ten Telltale Signs of Republican Disease

A recent Daily Kos poll indicated 58 percent of Republicans either believe President Obama isn't a US citizen or aren't sure. Out here on the left coast, we don't know many Republicans, so it's hard for us to understand how they can be that stupid.

There may be a medical explanation. Perhaps the Republican daily diet of whoppers has caused organic brain rot, a variant of mad cow disease. On the other hand, their failure to accept reality might be psychological, early onset dementia resulting from excessive exposure to Fox News and hate radio.

Whatever the source, Republican disease has readily identifiable symptoms. There are ten telltale signs, core Republican beliefs that cause rational Americans to conclude the person they see ranting on TV or disrupting town-hall meetings is pathological.

(1) George W. Bush kept America safe. Republicans believe that George Bush and Dick Cheney bear no responsibility for 9/11. Evidently the attack was an act of God rather than evidence of incompetence. For Republicans, the fact the US survived proves Bush/Cheney were strong leaders.

(2) History will vindicate Bush. Republicans believe history will treat Bush/Cheney kindly. Over the next few decades, historians will write that Bush/Cheney were smart to abandon Afghanistan, invade Iraq, and piss off our allies. Moreover, historians will conclude Bush/Cheney were justified when they spied upon Americans, arrested whomever they suspected was a terrorist, and tortured them.

(3) The recession wasn't Bush's fault. Republicans believe Bush/Cheney economic policies - lower taxes for rich people, massive deficits, deregulation of the financial sector, exporting jobs to China, and suspension of environmental protections -- were prudent. Republicans see no relationship between these policies and the recession that began in November 2007. They believe the downturn was the fault of a few bad apples on Wall Street and the market would have corrected itself if it hadn't been for the intervention of the Federal Reserve -- a Zionist cabal -- and Treasury Secretary Paulson -- a closet Democrat.

(4) America needs less government. As much as they admire George Bush and Dick Cheney, Republicans feel they made a mistake getting the government involved in the financial meltdown. The correct procedure would have been to let giants like Citigroup and Bank of America fail, because the market would have adjusted eventually.

(5) All taxes must be cut. Republicans believe there is only one role for the government: to get out of the way. Reducing the size of government means starving the beast," denying it funds. The solution for problems such as high unemployment, inadequate health care, and failing schools is to cut taxes. Republicans believe that if corporations and the rich have lower taxes, prosperity will trickle down; the market will respond positively, which in time will remedy America's social problems. (Republicans also believe in the tooth fairy.)

(6) Barack Obama stole the 2008 election. Republicans believe that while John McCain wasn't a true-blue Republican, he would have been an adequate placeholder for their real candidate, Sarah Palin. Had McCain been elected, it would have only been a matter of time before Palin occupied the Oval Office. But McCain/Palin were cheated: Barack Obama wasn't eligible to run for office because he wasn't born in the US; the liberal media duped a majority of Americans into believing that Obama was an American, a nice guy with a populist agenda; and real Americans -- Republicans -- were intimidated by Obama's coalition of leftists, homosexuals, Jews, Negroes, and "the people our parents warned us about."

(7) Obama's economic stimulus package was a mistake. While Republicans have a hard time blaming the recession on Obama, they do fault him for the stimulus package. Despite many signs the recession has bottomed out and the economy is recovering, Republican see no evidence the stimulus is working.

(8) There isn't a health care crisis. Republicans believe that America's health care system is the finest in the world, there is no crisis, and Obama's push for health care reform is actually an excuse to move the country into socialism. They trust insurance companies to do the right thing about healthcare.

(9) Obama has weakened our nation. Republicans believe George Bush kept the US strong and solidified its role as a Christian nation, leading a crusade to rid the world of heathens. In contrast, they feel Barack Obama has traveled around the globe apologizing for the actions of the Bush/Cheney Administration; in their eyes he has weakened America's image and made us more vulnerable to attack.

(10) Obama is a racist. Republicans believe the President's response to the arrest of Professor Gates proved Obama is an angry racist. This confirmed what Republicans suspected all along: Obama's a Muslim terrorist. That's why Republicans need their guns; they have to protect themselves from the new threat emanating from the White House.

If you encounter someone who suffers from mad Republican disease, turn off their TV and radio, and drive them to the nearest rehabilitation clinic -- even if that means traveling to the left coast.

Comments

[Evan Crawford]

Wonderful. You are absolutely correct!

[afgail]

I blame it all on organized religionbeing cut loose from the moorings of the Judeo-Christian elthic. The dominant religion in the US is the Prosperity Gospel, which essentially is "Trust in God to provide material gratificat­ion."

[mommadona]

I do believe you are onto something here -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bnyNwRKDrY

[averygard]

I believe you have totally figured it out. Thank you for translating them for me!

[sparker87]

ya let's keep borrowing money to pay off debt. That way you can blame the problems on Newt in 4 years.

[sparker87]

ya...i wonder what my kids will say in 20 years when they read about how the government thought they could borrow their way out of debt.

[JayDDrew]

Recommended reading: What's the Matter With Kansas by Thomas Frank, and Conservatives Without Conscience by Joh Dean. Helps to understand the mentality of the majority of right-wingers and makes you realize you're wasting your time arguing with them.

[Beki345]

Thanks for the smile. My son has argued every issue you mentioned would have been "fixed" by Republican(?) candidate Ron Paul, the only one who isn't crazy.

[VioletDatura]

And yet Ron Paul is anti-choice.

[lesliekjo]

For me, the first tell-tale sign of Republican disease is the insistence that global warming is either 1) a hoax dreamed up by Al Gore so he could make vast fortunes on cap-and-trade deals or 2) may exist but is certainly not caused by humans.

[swannee]

I actually think we should pull nasty Medicare & Social Security benefits right out from under the "real Americans". Let them drop dead in their Wal-Mart sweat clothes right in the Arkansas gutter. And we won't even raise their taxes.

[LDS50]

hee hee

[gypsysailor]

The great god Ronal Reagan set these people and their parents loose on the rest of us in the 1980's. As much as I like your analysis of Republicans I personally think you are being way to kind. In my opinion there really must be a God because Natural Selection would have weeded these people out a long time ago.

[VioletDatura]

give Nature time..

(but damn good point)

[Matt7]

"If you encounter someone who suffers from mad Republican disease, turn off their TV and radio, and drive them to the nearest rehabilitation clinic . . . "

Who's going to pay for that? Not MY taxes. Let them pay for their OWN mental health care, rather than riding on the backs of the hard-working American majority who are trying to rebuild an revitalize our country.

Heh heh.

[PWM]

Excellent article. I'm now a fan.

[cyclobenzaprine9]

Great article. That pretty much sums it up the current reality of the delusional Right.

[freeringo]

The conflict many of us face is that the most afflicted with this disease is our parents. I'm 50.
We would love to tell them how we really feel, but we fear being scorned or even left out of their will.
They do not see life through our eyes at all. They better hope they don't need us to wipe their ass when they can't anymore. That is our best course of action. Remind them all that they won't be able to take care of themselves in a few years and it would be a good idea for them to shut up and start being nice for once in there life.

[kanester]

So true. "Greatest Generation," hah! The only reason they are the GG is because they mortgaged the next few generations' future through their incessant "I did my job ... no give me more!"

[Matt7]

Sounds like you guys have got some deep family "issues" . . .

Not willing to speak what you think is the truth because you might be cut out of their will? Threaten to cut off aid and care for them in their most vulnerable years?

Sounds very much like a Rethug's thought processes to me . . . I'm just saying.

I think that old folks are made of much sterner stuff than many in subsequent generations, and have had to endure a lot. How we value their perspectives and contributions may be a clue to how our posterity will honor us. It's a cycle, you know?

[wesinohio]

My mother is 88 and supports President Obama.

[VioletDatura]

exactly. My dad is 70 and a rabid lefty/atheist. He has nerves of steel and watches Fox so that he knows "what those b@stards are up to." The guy has true grit.

[fairwitness]

Too true for comfort--a large (and growing?) percentage of the population seems incapable of both rational thought and empathy with their fellow beings. Oddy, they even lack genuine self-interest--they continually support polices and people that harm them and fight actively those who would help.

Someone wrote an interesting book a few years ago called "The Psychopath Next Door", where as much as 20% display narcissistic, even psychopathic behaviors and attitudes, the most definitive being the lack of the brain circuits that allow one to feel empathy for other creatures--thus a classic symptom of psychopathology is the severe mistreatment of animals (here I'm remembering George Bush's delight in blowing up frogs with fireworks.­..but that's for another post).

But, Alas, we seem to have an epidemic of psychopathology going on now--everywhere you look, the "inmates are running the asylum".