BREAKING! OJ Simpson Robbed The Arctic!

OJ Simpson was arrested in Las Vegas today, giving the cable television news media a hearty dollop of refreshingly crispy hard-news for a change.

There was... All day, wall-to-wall OJ news on CNN, minus their fearlessly courageous embedded coverage from the Emmys. MSNBC broke into one of its hilarious serial killer blooper marathons. FOX News was unwatchable due to a "FOX News Alert" logo so urgently huge that it literally occupied the entire screen.

Something about this doesn't seem fair, though. The cable news networks are only allowed 24 short hours per day in which to crowbar all of their Hard News of Excellence, which is probably why OJ was the wall-to-wall priority -- OJ who, along with a gaggle of armed thugs, allegedly raided a hotel room at the Palace Station Hotel-Casino in a failed attempt to steal some of his old football memorabilia.

Here's an outstanding re-enactment:

Boom goes the dynamite! That's news, as opposed to this lesser Sunday item from the AP:

"Arctic ice has shrunk to the lowest level on record, new satellite images show, raising the possibility that the Northwest Passage that eluded famous explorers will become an open shipping lane."

Continuous OJ coverage has a much greater impact on our lives, to be honest, and to give the same brand of all-day reporting to fatuousness like the end of the planet as we know it would be nothing less than another shameful cable news ratings grab. But in the interest of preserving that which super smart American cable news audiences crave, and what they really should be hearing, I believe cable news can do both.

For every doughy climate crisis item, cable news ought to balance it with some gritty hard-news grit, like an American Idol clip montage, or a freakishly shrill internet video of a bipolar she-male trapped in a laundry hamper, or, naturally, the perennially newsworthy OJ train wreck.

Yet we can't neglect this bunkum:

"Leif Toudal Pedersen, of the Danish National Space Center, said that Arctic ice has shrunk to some 1 million square miles. The previous low was 1.5 million square miles, in 2005.

They say that OJ was the ring-leader of the assault. The ring leader! They say that OJ Simpson himself referred to the apparent robbery as a "self-organized 'sting operation'". They say that it all went down in Las Vegas of all places! Vegas! The same town where, just one short week ago, a special needs tabloid star in a drunken stupor accidentally wandered into a VMAs dance routine! When the news gods and goblins leave this kind of reward under your broadcast pillow, why go nuts by besmirching it with this:

"The strong reduction in just one year certainly raises flags that the ice (in summer) may disappear much sooner than expected," Pedersen said in an ESA statement posted on its Web site Friday.

The Arctic is disappearing faster than expected, which indicates that the climate crisis is much more advanced than earlier projections indicated. It's been happening for a while now but was only just published on Sunday. So who knows? It's entirely possible that OJ's been stealing the ice.

Seriously, there's something really awful about that. If OJ stole the Arctic ice, then maybe we'd get some climate crisis coverage. Or what if Britney helmed Scott Peterson's boat to a melting glacier and vomited her own panties onto the ice, forcing a shelf to collapse into the ocean?

Sadly, cable news will only go around the clock with this after it's too late: when there are mass extinctions, drought, famine, flooding and death. Then and only then will they cue up the FOX News Alert graphics.

Comments

[rboylern]

All day long is was nothing but Britney Spears and OJ Simpson. My God, can't we do better than follow the lives of these nitwits?

[janflora]

I almost didn't read today's blog because it had those two letters in the title and I generally pass on the juice... can't stand the extra pulp, but I DID see that article about the ice melt too and i had to know the link [what next? citrus grove farmers infiltrating Iceland?] Thank you for a great laugh and for speaking Truth.... but does he really deserve such good PR? [gotta love that grin in the mugshot!]

[maxy]

Not you Bob Cesca. But I want to know if insecure men fear that O.J.s pete was bigger than theirs. Honesty, only.

[sugarmac]

I still maintain that the jury was correct. They did NOT prove OJ guilty beyond reasonable doubt. That doesn't mean he's innocent, but he sure wasn't found guilty in that trial.

The Goldmans have erased any sympathy I ever had for them. Some people just can't ever move on. Greed prevents it.

[Pythia]

Mr. Cesca,

You are a treasure! I wish you would post more often...

[dora_rice]

OJ isn't funny.

[init]

Naturally, all black men are sterotyped as "packed." This just shows how insecure many are in this race to bring O.J. down coupled with his football successful days. Stolen property and all. Please we have serious issues to deal with, like extremely insecure leaders. Work on your personal shortcomings at your doctors offices. No human on earth can defy nature. I'm probably registering with few, but this country is in trouble enough economically and now we find out how hollow it has always been? Even as far back as the early boxing, and all of sports greatest. I just hoped after years we could make some sense of existence. Few will. Do you think maybe this is why many muslims call Americans "infidels?" Why look at where your heads are? Going down fast at the same time. Getting even with O.J is not going to give you any power or pack! You little twits. Then after listening to Drudge's A.., last night, I'm sending O.J. help with Legal Funds. Yep, yep, Twirpville, USA.

[hiprogloho]

It's no surprise that the 4th estate focuses on mindless celeb pratfalls to keep people's mind's off the new global disorder.

After Keith Olbermann's daily token GOP bash fest, MSNBC shows non stop crime stories to caution potential revolutionaries to think twice about civil unrest.

Meanwhile, The History Channel airs the new age, politically correct gestapo version of 9/11.

It's official. The mainsteam media is complicit in facist dictatorship.

And insane. News at 11. Fake news, that is.

[LilyMaskew]

I wanted to listen to news. Every cable news station has on OJ's alleged robbery. I finally let a station on, thinking it would be over soon, and other news would be on. No such luck. I finally had to turn the tv off completely, and listened to the news hours later on my local station. I pay good money for cable stations to put on what THEY want. I'm saying here and now to the cable stations: Please don't belabor a news story about an entertainer. Give the story one minute and then move on. Tell us about the Artic, and give us human interest stories from Iraq. Our lives are not wrapped around movie stars and singers. We want more news from around the world. Thank you.

[Boadicea]

The problem with global warming is that it's not juicy enough.

We need Brangelina go to the Arctic, stage a big fancy wedding there with all the celebrities we Americans love. George Clooney, Anna Smith's baby, and OH - Paris! They'd have to invite Paris! They should be very secretive, too - that usually gets lots of attention from the media. And don't forget Jennifer Aniston! That would be VERY juicy!

Once they're all there, the couple needs to have a huge fight, say, just before the vows. Words need to be exchanged publicly. Maybe Brad could say that he saw Angelina kiss Al Gore. She could deny vehemently, accuse him of sneaking back to Jennifer, slap him, cry, and run out. A bunch of the celebrities could give their opinions on the whole thing, and all the while, the camera is recording the lack of ice. (And Al could be holding up charts behind them during the interviews.)

We need locals - some Arctic Inuit, to be interviewed on what they saw - did Angelina slap Brad with her right hand or her left? Left? Hmmmm, what do you think that symbolizes? Oh, look, there's Al Gore now, holding up a sign that says "Ten Years!"

Meanwhile, Angelina runs, and more cameras follow her - she could run past all the dead polar bears who don't have any more ice flows to hunt from.

Then, Angelina admits to an assistant running with her (who runs right to the Fox News reporter) that she's in love with Al Gore after all! Masses and masses of cameras follow her now, as she steps over one dead polar bear after another.

Then Al will get lots of attention from the media, and he can try to slip in some global warming facts while insisting that he still loves Tipper.... and Jennifer, behind him, can hold up the charts then!

Folks, we can do this!

Oh, wait - maybe we'd need someone to die mysteriously....

Volunteers...?

[stroud00]

I saw a scene on Faux News that almost made my eyes pop out of my head. Geraldo Rivera, Jeanine Perot (sp) and Mark Fuhrman were almost jumping up and down with glee over the revelations that there is an audiotape of O.J. Simpson cursing and seeming to intimidate people in the hotel room and, according to them, another tape which is now in police custody that portrays Simpson planting the idea in another man's head that there were no guns in the room. Rarely have I seen three adults so happy about something that is so sad.

I wondered if they were ever upset over the fact that no one has been punished for most of the lynchings and shootings of black people from the 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, even though in most of these cases lawmen, sometimes including federal agents, knew who committed the crimes. I wondered how they reacted to the Robert Blake verdict and what accounted for the difference in their reactions since humans died in both cases. I wondered if they even cared that many young children and young adults, black and white, are missing in this country today and I asked aloud if this situation was not a critical issue that it is not too late to remedy.

I witnessed the applause from my mostly Caucasian class when I announced to them that Ronald Reagan had just been shot. I heard about an FBI Field Office in Charlotte, N.C. that erupted in applause when M.L. King's death was announced. What in the world is wrong with His people? And what is it about Simpson's case that evokes these reactions in them?

[nkpatel1279]

Mark Furhman had his Trent Lott/or Mel Gibson or Macaca moment during the Murder Trial. Right after he got caught using the N-word. He moved to Idaho and is now a Legal Analyst at FOXNEWS Channell.

Trent Lott - Senator from the Confederate State of Mississippi, Spoke in front a Racist Organization Council of Conservative Citizens in 1998. In 2002 at Segregartionist Strom Thurmond's 100th Birthday. Lott strongly supported his Presidential campaign.

Furhman had the reverse Trent Lott/Macaca moment.

[zaft]

SPEAKING OF PRISONS. Did anyone see the article on Ecomomist.com about prisons killing brain cells?

[frustratedinohio]

Most of the responses in this blog concern OJ, not the Arctic. What does that tell you Bob?

[Nommo]

Old habits die hard. Funny how a guy like OJ Simpson is so deeply ingrained in the American culture.
I suspect that, besides Bill Cosby, he is the only Black person most Americans know. Maybe Halle Berry--but for all the wrong reasons, anyway.

[PeteBogs]

maybe OJ did steal the ice - Vegas hotels can charge a lot of money for simple amenities such as an ice machine...

True Romance indeed!

[DickD]

Why can't we get Al Jazeera English locally? I find their online news coverage to be excellent, with nary a mention of Britney, OJ, Jessica Simpson, Paris Hilton, American Idol, or other brainless pap that CNN, Fox News, et al., pass off as "news".

[Iownpeterbilt]

I watch CNBC in the morning to see how much my pension check will buy today. When I get tired of watching the U S dollar become worthless, I go to CNN thinking I might learn something about the fiasco in the M. E. This A M I learned more than I needed to about O J, also learned that rest room Craig is back feeding at the public trough in D C. Hopefully next election we can vote someone in congress with enough back bone to make a change.

[nihilon_x]

Here's a good link to many worldwide news sources -- I often use it when I want to get the "other side" of the story.

http://propagandamatrix.com/links.html

[Iownpeterbilt]

Thanks for the link, I have been looking unsucessfully. And don't vote for any incumbents this next election.

[nomoredead]

Saw a "Frontline World" special on TV while in asia and it went through the start up and goals of Al Jazeera. It showed the number of world class executives that run it and their billioin dollar facilities. It showed the american military that work hand in hand with them for accuracy..etc, etc. Then it showed the Washington based group that has fought the entry of Al Jezeera into the american tv market....here was this poorly dressed red neck that said "Al Jazeera is the voice of Osama Bin Laden." the most disgustingly stupid comment you could have immagined. No wonder we are hated around the world.