THE BLOG
11/18/2013 04:09 pm ET | Updated Jul 31, 2014

In Which I Explain to Michele Bachmann How to Sign Up for Health Insurance

Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) appeared on CNN last Thursday and complained that she's going to lose her insurance because of Obamacare. Her switch to Obamacare has been part of the law since 2009 when, yes, Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-IA) introduced an amendment mandating that members of Congress, along with staffers, will have to transition from their government-run health insurance, the Federal Employees Benefit Health Plan, to the D.C. exchange.

Bachmann is clearly very frightened about the prospect, but it's mainly because she's totally confused about how exactly to sign up. She repeatedly griped about the Healthcare.gov website, not realizing that D.C. has its own marketplace website, which, as of right now, hasn't had any major problems.

Here are all of the instances in which she criticized Healthcare.gov in the context of somehow being forced to use it (even though she won't have to):

"Are you kidding? I'm not gonna waste an hour on that thing!"

"I'm waiting until they fix this thing. I'm not gonna sit there and frustrate myself for hours and hours."

"We are forced to go on the website and purchase the health insurance plan from the D.C. health exchange." But the D.C. exchange has its own site!

"We'll do it but there's a few problems with this website. The president has acknowledged that." No there aren't and no he hasn't. Not the D.C. exchange site.

"I'm not gonna waste my time and frustration until they get this fixed."

"I'm waiting 'til the thing gets fixed." But it's not broken!

Here's the D.C. exchange website, called the D.C. Health Link. And here's the previously glitchy Healthcare.gov website. They're two different sites! Different domains. Different servers. Not the same.

But she knows there's a separate D.C. exchange, so I guess that's something. Even if she goes to Healthcare.gov and tries to sign up, the site will instruct her: "If you live in the District of Columbia, DC Health Link is the Health Insurance Marketplace to serve you. Instead of HealthCare.gov, you'll use the DC Health Link website to apply for coverage, compare plans, and enroll. Visit DC Health Link now to apply."

Her total lack of net savvy leads me to conclude that even the greatest website in the world would totally melt her gourd. Something tells me she's emailed her bank account information to more than one Nigerian prince -- that is, if she's aware of email.

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