Iowa Republicans To Choose Their Favorite Fearmonger

Thursday night, Republicans in Iowa will gather in various caucus locations to choose the candidate who will do the best job of scaring the fucking shit out of America.

Months ago, the most overzealous fearmonger of the group, Rudy Giuliani, pulled out of Iowa and the resulting vacuum sucked Mike Huckabee and Mitt Romney into the shared role of scaring the fucking shit out of Iowa. Since then, both have proved to be equally qualified in this regard.

Additionally, with the exception of 1980 and 1988, the Iowa Caucus has correctly chosen the eventual Republican nominee. It's also worth noting that the Iowa Republicans have elevated some serious wackaloons and hoopleheads into the top three.

Pat Robertson leg-pressed his way to second in the 1988 Iowa Caucus. In 1996, Pat Buchanan narrowly missed victory by three percentage points. Three points. This demands restating: Pat Buchanan achieved second place in Iowa and, in the view of Republican caucus-goers, was only three points less qualified to be president than Senator Bob Dole. In the 2000 caucus, Iowa Republicans thought John McCain was less qualified to be president than Alan Keyes who placed third. Senator McCain placed a distant fifth.

So not only do Iowa Republicans have a flair for choosing the presumptive nominee, they also possess an uninterrupted predilection for championing crazy people who use fear to better their political chances.

It's a lot of pressure. It's a matter of life or death -- and it all comes down to Thursday night. Huckabee or Romney. Who's crazier, Iowa?

You can choose Mike Huckabee, who said to Tim Russert on Sunday:

"But remember that [the president's] most single -- critical job is that of preserving and protecting the American people."

Huckabee is clearly referring to the Presidential Oath of Office here. Of course he totally misquoted the thing with phrasing that awkwardly reminded me of "putting food on your family." The oath says nothing about protecting and preserving the people, but rather:

"I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States."

The Constitution, it says. The president swears (or affirms) to preserve, protect and defend the Constitution. Not the people. Huckabee's stated goal, rather, is to preserve the people first and worry about the Constitution later because the evildoers will kill us otherwise. On the upside, no matter the outcome of Thursday night, this is probably the closest Huckabee will ever come to publicly reciting the actual presidential oath.

Running second to Huckabee is Mitt Romney whose ability to scare the fucking shit out of America has surged recently, especially when he told the Boston Globe:

"Our most basic civil liberty is the right to be kept alive."

The right to be kept alive, eh? Surely it's more concise than Huckabee's awkward mangling of the Founder's intentions -- and he's not misquoting the presidential oath in the process.

But Romney's talking about wiretapping here and he believes that "the right to be kept alive" is more important than the Fourth Amendment -- hell, more important than all other civil liberties combined. He's also missing the entire point of the Declaration of Independence which enumerates certain unalienable rights. "Life" is listed in there, but liberty and the pursuit of happiness are given equal weight. Sorry, Mitt.

Patrick Henry in particular had something to say about "the right to be kept alive." Ironically, a derivation of Henry's famous quote happens to be the slogan of New Hampshire: "Live Free or Die." But New Hampshire is next week.

"Our most basic civil liberty is the right to be kept alive." Do we need any further proof of how severely the Bush Republicans have bastardized the founding intentions of our nation: the intention of bravery in the face of fear -- the intention of liberty in the face of oppression?

Now, hundreds of years later, the Bush Republicans have outspokenly rewritten Patrick Henry's maxim and they're proud to live under the motto: "Give me liberty... unless it interferes with keeping me alive. Wahhh! Help!" Acquiescence and submissiveness is now somehow patriotic. As long as we keep shopping, we won't notice what's being done to the Constitution.

Deliberately scaring the American people -- political terrorism -- remains the single most effective Bush Republican strategy. It's shocking how quickly and willingly certain Republicans cave under the threat of attack, no matter how implausible the source. Torture, wiretap, and roll back their civil liberties, just so long as they aren't killed!

And the Bush Republicans fancy themselves the manly ones. That's rich.

Maybe Bush Republicans have taken their freedom for granted; consequently, they're all too willing to hand it over when their fight-or-flight instincts are triggered by the color-coded horror stories -- the toe-monster-under-the-bed tall tales spun by their heroes President Bush and Vice President Cheney. And Thursday night, a Republican successor will be chosen to carry on the work of scaring the fucking shit out of America -- a "manly man" Bush Republican who would rather we live in perpetual fear than to defy the terrorists by vigorously preserving, protecting and defending the Constitution of the United States.

Bob Cesca's Goddamn Awesome Blog! GO!

Comments

[GoodDay]

The people of the United States are going through the motions of voting, and the media are covering the elections, but I can’t help but think that the Bush family oil and other business interests will install their puppet as President by any deceptive or brutal means necessary. First the Bush interests will try to sneak across their candidate, Mitt Romney, and if that doesn't work, they'll take some other step.

[viverito]

Take your pic. If you are a republican you can vote for the totally unqualified whiney nasty bitch Mitt Romney, the 9/11 opportunist Giuliani (who all of us from NYC who had to live through his horrible "reign" know is such an a--hole it was only poetic justice he got ass cancer), the religious maniac banjo playing wolf in sheep's clothing Huckabee, the world is flat insisting chipmunk cheeked John McCain and the list goes on. What a group of misfits.

[Camarosc35]

What makes me incredulous is the CNN's "best political team on television" claiming that Huckabee is not ready for prime time because of his erratic behavior or his response to the Pakistan assassination. CNN showed a clip of candidate Bush being interviewed about Pakistan and he could not even name who the leader (Musharraf) was, when pressed he appeared irritated and merely mentioned "the general." He went on to become president. Also, CNN underplays the fact that Romney has invested millions of dollars into this campaign, Hucakabee a fraction of that and yet this is a dog fight. Already, even if Romney wins, if the margin is close as is expected, he has been damaged. Imagine if Huckabee was able to match Mitt's investment? Yup, I agree with others, Huckabee is not a corporate type and hence the criticisms and lack of even-handed analysis.

[FlyingDutchman]

Just one word, Bob. Amen.

[Camel54]

"...the right to be kept alive."

And yet they cheat millions out of health care and talk of providing it to all as being the great bogeyman Socialism. It's certainly not okay for a pre-fetal group of cells to be destroyed for the good of the mother but it's fine for young men and women to be killed for the good of the Mother Land. It's simple, they've had seven years to do things their way...and boy oh boy that they have. Are Americans better educated? Are we safer? Are we healthier? Are we more prosperous? It's apparent they are wrong about everything they believe. Let's just make sure we're not as stupid and spiteful as we usually are so we can rid ourselves of them this year.

[markusmarkus]

Check out this link. It's a listing of the legal advisors to Mitt:

http://www.mittromney.com/News/Press-Releases/Constitution_Courts

Scary stuph! Many are former members fo the boosh admin. Mitt = boosh on steroids.

Peace!
Mark

[NJYankee]

Love this post Bob. Manipulate emotions! That's what has gotten the republicans of recent in power. Additonal post's refer to gay's, Roe vs Wade, etc. All of these are playing in essence the emotion card of hate, not to mention illegal inmigration and tie that in with fear and what a coctail you have. Reason has become a commodity in short supply, its easier to set emotions into gear than the brain. Then you invoke a higher power, then you do contrary to what the higher power has ordered...don't kill, don't lie...love thy neighbor as yourself. Then we wonder why our friends and enemies say that Americans speak with a forked tongue. Sounds historically familiar? We wonder why we are hated. Its easier to listen to the Limbaugh's because they resort to your emotions, easy to understand. Its more work to listen to NPR, BBC or other objective outlets because it makes you think and asks you to reason, to balance emotions...lots of work required to be a free human, goes to our patriot Ben Franklin's quote deserving of neither.

[Honest George]

Once in a great while one of these shit-head republicans running for President kind of rehabilitate themselves.
To me this person is Pat Buchanan. He is now a political commentator on MSNBC.He forgot more than these guys like Russert,Matthews and Scarboro ever knew or will know. Now that the New York Times has hired Kristol he will probably leave fox news and join the fair and balanced msnbc I just wonder if the saftey spots Scarboro and Matthews for the Holidays was P.R. or actual caring.Don't forget to use the screen up in front of your fireplace. Give me a break

[Purple Girl]

What is the international focus right now- the biggest worry, concern- Religious Extremeist. And yet here we are with a bunch of zealots trying to prove they're more 'religious' thean any one else runing- Now that is scary.
Is there the belief that we want a Fanatic to do battle with the other fanatics of the world???
Some of these Assholes actually welcome the idea of Judgement Day and Armageddon.
Who's to say a Sadist isn't running around in Religious garb (literal or figurative). We can not read minds, nor souls. So what some one really thinks or feels is unavailable to us. Only their actions can reveal a true intent. So What Have You Done For US Lately??? Supported 2 Wars, Spewed fear & hate, agreed to revoke rights (those given by God or man), 'kept down the evil ones?'
'Thou protest too much' and you have a rather 'Lean and Hungry look about you'
Scary Fuckin' shit- No Doubt!
I'm waiting for the Candidate who says "I'm an Atheist" I beleive in people and what we can do to better our situation for all- human, non human and the Earth that Sustains Us all.
'God"' and Judgement will have to wait until I die-if I'm wrong.wouldn't it be a surprise if Judgement Day actually happened, not for Us Atheist, but for all those various groups who have been vying for 'favorite' status for all these millenia.. to find out they were all Heretics, and they are sent to Hell?!? :)their first crime would be Judging others ( I think that was God's ultimate responsiblity)and using their powers to sentence these others to living Hells (or just killing them).
That's gotta be a Biggie Sin!
Sometimes this Atheist 'Day' dreams that their type of 'God' exisits.and they feel the wrath. My 'god' is a convenient word to sum up all we do not know or understand, and which has 'created' this intricate tapestry of life- Amazing and Awe inspiring.But no Old Man with a game board. Misery is mans invention and method for submission.

[ljsfolly]

Bush and his followers the republicans in elected/selected office and in the corporate offices of the world, have done some very amazing damage that I once thought could never happen in this country. My poor mind suffers greatly from what history I was taught in school and what history I have had to really learn on my own reading the truth as I go along. Too many of the american people also suffer from the same problem but never reach out for the books with the real history in them. Lazy is as lazy does. They would rather watch the tv or big screen version of what really happened not caring if they changed things and altered history in the story telling. All of the republican scare the holy living crap out of me but because they are crazy, (as a UK friend says "they are barking mad") but because way too many people think these guys are normal. I look at each candidate both parties and see how they will look in the drawings. Bush has made a fine monkey and does the part well but what would the rest be? You made very good points but from what I know of the history in Iowa, it might be as simple as spin the bottle or hair cut. Some take it serious but many gloat because they have votes that matter in a voting session that means little other than trends. Sad.

[freedomforevr]

I dont think that anyone will argue with you that Bush and his buddies are morally corrupt douchebags that have stolen this country and that the republicans(with the exception of a certain person) are fearmongerers. That being said, both the republican and democratic parties have sold out to corporate interest and are corrupt beyond belief. I dont trust a democrat as far as i can throw one, and the same goes for a republican. I am for small federal government and strong state government and even stronger local government, where we actually have a say and cant be controlled by a facist pig or communist dicatator. Power corrupts and abosolute power corrupts absolutely. In the words of Thomas Paine, "That government is best which governs least." Fuck the feds, power to the people.

[hu.man]

Huckabee definitely has an appeal and shouldn't be counted out as going all the way (to W.H. that is).

Christian right put Bush there (twice!) and it can put this fellow in too. The difference is that this time right wingers will give the corporate interests a tax and immigration enema with the Huckster and not just be their stooge like the Bushman was. Hucky can grab the GOP nomination even without CA & NY delegates.

It all depends on who Dems put up against him. If Hilary is dealt as the choice then I am afraid Mike will reign supreme.

I don't think there is anyone on the GOP field that can beat Obama. However, the Dem. rank & file will more likely go with Clinton as the 'safe' choice if there is such a thing in this election.

Once again, looks like history will repeat itself and Dems will put up another unelectable candidate (Mondale, Gore, Kerry and of course, Dukakis). May be this will result in some type of a reform in the way Dems pick pres. candidates.

[HypocrisyAlarm]

Excellent observations and presentation of them!! I'm going to push to get the description "political terrorism" into the general vernacular during the run-up to the general election. The Democratic nominee should certainly bludgeon the publican with that accusation. The publicans deserve to be forced to confront their snivelling cowardice.

A question: if, as Romney states, "Our most basic civil liberty is the right to be kept alive.", is he prepared to denounce the death penalty?

Does anyone else find the following really odd?

The fundamentalists claim that the afterlife will be a paradise for them: much better than their lives in the here-and-now. Yet they display a deep, morbid fear of getting there early. They seem willing to go to extreme lengths to protect themselves from attacks by terrorists. The probability that any of them will lose their lives in such an attack is microscopically miniscule, and yet they continue to drive automobiles whenever they like, risking a much higher chance of death by automobile collision.

This disconnect is very disturbing.

[letsgetsmart]

Great piece. The best thing that Arianna does by showing these posts is to start the discussion. The biggest traitors in our country are by far the media. Or maybe we should rename them the propagandists today. When I was growing up the big ideas were always about freedoms. Burn your draft card, burn your bra, march for this march for that, protest what you do not think is right. Free speech to be a participating American. These are the things that people in other countries watched and envied. How can such a collection of different kinds of people hash out a solution for all. It has been quietly taken away from us. The rulings allowing a single media company to own so many different information sources in any given area is the proof. No wonder the individuals that would ordinarily put out the right kind of stories do not any more. There are so few places to work and the few are buddies who can end your career. It is like the 007 movie where a media mogul tried to start a war between China and England. Someone smelled this coming. I guess after we did all of that protesting, we went to sleep and forgot to teach our kids how to continue. What would it take to change it all back again? Is it still possible to change it back? I hope the people in the military and law enforcement still want the kind of country and way of life that we were headed for. If they are tools for a few rich then the future is gloomy and bloody.

[tkennedy]

Any of you fine folks moved by illegal immigration as an issue in the upcoming election?