Operation: Throw The Jew Down The Mel

Here's the plan.

I think most of us can agree that Mel Gibson stepped onto the batshit monorail sometime between Braveheart and The Passion of The Christ. I mean, he has seven kids. That, in and of itself, is insane. He could literally devour two of his kids and he'd still have FIVE kids.

What else do we know about Mel Gibson? Well, he's a wacky practical joker. Every time he has a new movie on the way, we're regaled with anecdotes about Mel's bloopers, boners, and practical jokes on the set. Like the time he directed a scene from Braveheart using an Elmer Fudd voice. True story. Oh, Mel! Ha! Fudd.

But now... It's time to turn the tables on Mel The Jew-Hating Prankster.

One of the remarks he made to arresting officers in Malibu last week was, "Are you a Jew?" What does this tell us? Quite clearly, Mel believes Jews are out to get him, and if the arresting officer was, in fact, a Jew, then Mel could blame his arrest on the Zionist conspiracy against him. You know, the same conspiracy that somehow forced him to drink and drive that night as well as the conspiracy which has allowed him to accumulate an estimated $3 billion movie fortune.

So I give you the prank: OPERATION: THROW THE JEW DOWN THE MEL. Aka: "We're all Jewish."

And the victim:

It doesn't matter what religion you really are; if you happen to encounter Mel Gibson, don't wait for him to stumble over, reeking of Cold Duck, and ask you whether you're a Jew.

Just walk up to Mel and state flatly and without confrontation, "I'm a Jew." After a few weeks of everyone telling him they're a Jew, he'll totally snap. After all, he doesn't have very far to go. And it'll be fun to watch.

Here's some lines to make it easier.

"Mr. Gibson! Big fan. I loved it when you fought the retarded giant in Thunderdome. I'm a Jew."

"Thanks for stopping by the Endeavor Agency today, Mr. Gibson. I'm a Jew and I'd like to show you around to meet our wide assortment of Jewish people. Whiskey?"

"Welcome to rehab, Mr. Gibson. You'll be bunking with our Jews."

"Here's your Nazi riding crop from the cleaners, Mr. Gibson. I'm a Jew."

Or you can keep it simple. Just approach him and say, "I'm a Jew," or the variation, "I'm Jewish."

This'll be so sweet! The prankster will become the victim: the victim of an hilariously fake Jewish conspiracy. Also note the "whiskey" tag. That's optional, but urging him in the direction of booze will certainly augment the overall effect of the prank.

So go forth, America, and be Jews.

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If you're wondering about the title of this piece, watch Sacha Baron Cohen's brilliant Borat video here.