Republicans Agree: Our Elections Aren't Stolen!

06/10/2006 08:11 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

As predicted, since writing The Help Republicans Vote Act last week, I've received piles of e-mails and comments accusing me of being a conspiratorial moonbat. One of the more colorful comments led with the announcement, "Liberal denial alert! Liberal denial alert!" Clever.

See, it's been made clear to me that Republicans have complete faith in the veracity of our electoral system and that anyone who believes elections can be stolen in America are drooling mental patients in denial of the media- and government-endorsed outcome.

To recap, my thesis held that the blade of election theft can cut both ways and it's in our collective best interest to reform the system now. In other words, while Al Gore, Senator Kerry, and other Democrats (along with the true will of the people) have been the most recent victims of stolen elections, the same kinds of fraud can be turned on Republican candidates unless there are thorough and immediate investigations in depth by the FBI -- starting right now.

But Republicans won't call for investigations. Republicans and the mainstream media refuse to give this issue, most recently brought to light by Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Mark Crispin Miller, Greg Palast, Thom Hartmann and others, the gravity it deserves.

Only those of us on the so-called moonbat fringes of the progressive movement believe that election theft has occurred en masse in the last several general elections.

"Well, I think they're trying to steal this election." Republican Sean Hannity, 11/12/00.

"Almost every Republican I talk to thinks they're trying to steal this election." Republican Robert Novak.

"The Gore campaign is trying to steal this election." Republican Congressman Nick Smith, 11/13/00.

"I am increasingly alarmed at what appears to be a blatant attempt by Vice President Gore to steal this election." Republican Congressman Dave Weldon, 11/14/00.

"This is the only way Gore can win: lie, cheat, and steal!" Republican Mary Matalin, 11/17/00.

"It should be obvious to all by now that Mr. Gore is trying to steal a victory..." Republican Richard Lessner, 11/28/00.

"I think Al Gore is trying to steal this election." Republican Bill Bennett to Republican Bill O'Reilly.

"It's the Gore people who are trying to steal this election." Republican Robert Novak (again), 12/12/00

"He did try to steal this election." Republican Sean Hannity (again).

"How Al Gore Tried To Steal the Election." Headline from a Washington Times expose by Bill Sammon.

"Al Gore, as far as I'm concerned, tried to steal an election." Republican Sean Hannity (yet again), 9/30/02.

"Democrats steal 2 percent to 3 percent of the vote in a typical election." David Horowitz on Richard Mellon Scaife's, 11/07/02.

"I think there are plans underway by the Democrats to steal this election in Florida." Republican Robert Novak, 7/31/04.

"Why are they trying to steal this election by cheating?" Republican Alan Keyes, 8/30/04.

"Is it not enough that [Democrats are] registering dead people in Ohio and Illinois?" convicted Republican drug addict Rush Limbaugh, 9/27/04.

"Despite Kerry's lagging polls, the Democrats still plan to win this November. How? Perhaps by the old fashioned way: stealing the election.", 9/27/04.

"The Democrats want to steal this election." Republican Bush/Cheney lawyer Mark Weaver on MSNBC, 11/01/04.

"Someone out there is trying to steal this election!" Republican Bush/Cheney lawyer Mark Weaver on CNN, 11/01/04.

All of the above quotes were compiled by author Mark Crispin Miller in his latest book: Fooled Again.

I think you get the point. Wow. Republicans can be moonbats about elections as well -- only, they don't care enough to call for investigations to back up their dubious claims. Why is that? Could it be that calling for investigations to back up these charges would, in fact, expose far more incidents of malfeasance on the Republican side than the other way around? We don't know for sure because... there haven't been any investigations other than the successful conviction of Republican operative Allen Raymond who orchestrated the disabling of Democratic phone banks in November, 2002.

There's a larger point that's crystal clear to anyone with even a passing respect for our democratic process. We need serious investigations and reforms before the next election. In the meantime, the states have an obligation to recall electronic voting machines and replace them with paper ballots. Paper ballots, ball point pens, and check boxes next to the names of the candidates. No Scantron forms, no punch cards, no butterfly ballots, and no flippin' chads. Good old fashioned paper ballots (and maybe those Wal-Mart plastic tote bins like they use in Iraq) until or beyond the time when we can restore some kind of faith in the results of the most important process in American politics. That's it.

I don't think I'm insane. At least about this issue, that is. I just want to make sure my vote, as well as your vote -- no matter what party you belong to -- is counted. Don't you?

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