The End of 'Larry the Cable Guy Politics'

Larry the Cable Guy isn't, you know, an actual cable guy. The reality is that he's not a blue collar redneck either. The hooplehead accent is fake, and his name isn't Larry. He's just a normal stand-up comic named Dan Whitney who, before the ascension of George W. Bush and redneck chic in America, spoke in a non-specific American accent and wore non-redneck clothing.

But a lot of people believe Larry is genuine. Why wouldn't they? When he appears in a movie, he's credited as "Larry the Cable Guy," and, in some sort of freaky Mark Wahlberg playing Eddie Adams playing Dirk Diggler playing Brock Landers meta-performance, Dan Whitney actually plays Larry the Cable Guy playing various movie character roles. For example, in Witless Protection (get it?), Dan Whitney plays Larry the Cable Guy playing Deputy Larry Stalder. Now sure, he's made a nice career for himself and I don't mean to begrudge him for his success, but it's all pretty creepy, no?

Fortunately for America, Larry or Dan or whoever isn't running for president. At least, not this time.

Be it Larry the Cable Guy or his Ohio cousin, Joe the Plumber, or their political and spiritual leader, Bushie the Commander Guy, or their newly discovered co-star Sarah the Hockey Mom, it should be obvious to anyone watching that the Republicans have been engaging in a seemingly endless game of dress up, and pretending to be something they're clearly not.

Larry the Cable Guy Politics.

As we've all observed today with the news of Sarah Palin's $150,000 wardrobe -- purchased, I hasten to underscore, from stores based in the "anti-American" areas of the nation -- the Republican "Joe Sixpack" flimflam appears to be crashing and burning faster than McCain's poll numbers.

For the last eight years, we've observed in shocked horror as President Bush -- this elite child of limitless family wealth -- this pampered, bubble-boy cheerleader -- marched around the world stage pretending to be some kind of shit-kicking cowpoke. His so-called Texas ranch, a strategically-timed purchase just prior to the launch of his 2000 presidential campaign, isn't any more authentically "cowboy" than the invisible six-shooters he pretends to wear on his gigantic belt, making his arms dangle outwards in some sort of ridiculous Yosemite Sam "Draw!" pose. The Crawford ranch is, in fact, a multi-million-dollar estate on which he once shared a 16 mile bike ride with Lance Armstrong without ever leaving the boundaries of his property.

Meanwhile, most of us own houses that cost less than two months worth of Sarah Palin outfits. Lee Stranahan posted another spot-on video today in which he notes that $150,000 is enough to buy 50 snowmachines, 2,500 hockey sticks and over 20,000 six-packs. It's more money, Lee reports, than the average American family spends on clothes over a span of 80 years.

This only serves to further amplify the truth that John McCain and the neocons selected Sarah Palin purely for superficial reasons. To play a part. To satisfy a perceived optics gap. And yet McCain and the Republicans are somehow outraged when their superficiality is finally revealed to the public? That's hilarious, especially considering how, over and over and over again, these very same white Republican men have gone around with very televised and very obvious (and, in the case of Limbaugh, artificially induced) pants tents whenever Palin winks and shrieks out a phony, "You betcha!" Rich Lowry, I'm looking at you.

Then there's Senator McCain himself who has repeatedly scammed American voters by accusing Senator Obama of being an elitist. In Senator McCain's screwy world, the "elitist" is a minority son of a single mother who worked his way through school and routinely re-soles his shoes rather than buying new ones.

In the same cackling breath, Senator McCain pretends to understand the economic hardships of the dwindling American middle class while obnoxiously hissing, "Who is the real Barack Obama?" At this point, I imagine voters are seriously wondering who the hell John McCain really is. Cliff Schecter, author of The Real McCain, helped me answer this question earlier today:

The McCains are real salt of the Earth folks. Twelve cars, eleven houses, 520-buck loafers, Cindy McCain's 300k RNC outfit especially made to pal around with domestic financial terrorists... you know average American kinda stuff.

Toss in Senator McCain's $8,500-a-month Hollywood makeup artist, and the fake "man of the people" maverick scam totally disintegrates. Underneath we find a spasmodic, filthy rich, Mr. Magoo -- a typical Bush Republican who embraces the same kind of divisive ratfuckery we've endured for too many years from the likes of Karl Rove, Lee Atwater, Richard Nixon (McCain has shamefully resurrected the Southern Strategy) and, most disturbingly, the politics of Joe McCarthy.

Yet last night, there was a convergence of news that, to me, helped to illustrate -- if not outright signal --an end to the dominance of this kind of chicanery.

There was Republican Congressman Robin Hayes who blurted out another nearsighted Republican lie about how liberals hate America. He immediately denied saying any such thing -- that is, until reporters discovered actual recordings of the quote. Duh. Anyway, you'll notice that Hayes used the Larry the Cable Guy catchphrase "git 'er done!" and its apparent derivation "got 'er did!" Yep. A member of your United States Congress. At the same time, news was breaking about Palin's ludicrous wardrobe bill. And then, on top of all of that, they announced the results of the latest NBC News / Wall Street Journal poll showing the McCain campaign falling desperately behind in just about every polling category. Among other indicators, Sarah Palin, it turns out, is even less popular than George W. Bush.

In a broad-stroke sense, it felt as if Americans were finally beginning to vocally reject this decade of "git 'er done" sophistry and fallacious Republican optics. It felt really damn good.

Now, granted, this election is far from over and the McCain-Palin campaign could still eke out a victory (don't take anything for granted!), but the light at the end of this dark ride is growing increasingly brighter by the day. Given the McCarthyism-meets-Nixonian tactics of the last week or two, it's not a moment too soon. The end of Larry the Cable Guy Politics as we know it -- this transparent redneck hustle the Republicans have injected into our lives every day -- appears to be receding into history.

We can only hope that in its place will emerge a rebirth of American intelligence, pragmatism, thoughtfulness and wisdom. After too many years of painted-on knee-jerk superficiality -- be it in the White House or talk radio or on the FOX News Channel (where blonde is the new smart) -- our national condition is starving for a return to reason and reality.

BobCesca.com -- Go!

Pre-order my book One Nation Under Fear: Scaredy-cats And Fear-Mongers in the Home of Brave. With a foreword by Arianna Huffington.

Comments

[Cndn]

Wow. What's becoming so apparent to us non-Americans who have distanced ourselves (reluctantly) from the America we loved in 'the day'...you got your mojo back. It's been a long time...but good on ya. America can once again become an inspiration.

[GingerB]

Yed We Can and Yes We Will!

Thanks for noticing. : )

[somefool]

ROFLMAO at ratfuckery , there are tears rolling down my cheeks

[LightningJoe]

America is finally seeing the Republican party I've been seeing it for the past thirty years. It's just that now, the hypocrisy has passed the tolerance of even the most tranced-out Faux dupe. To deny it now, is to deny that one possesses eyes and a brain.

I guess this is American nature: believe what you want to believe, despite the mounting evidence of its craptitude, until the rank cowpie reality of it is stuffed down your sinus passages with a pitchfork.

The upside of this, is that once such a lesson has finally been learned, America will be imune to the syndrome; at least until another un-vaccinated generation is reared.

That means two things: 1) we may have a generation now, in which to take actions that we and the world sorely need to be taken, and 2) we need to start NOW, educating the next generation about how this country works -- and how it doesn't work.

[racetoinfinity]

Go, Bob, go! Great post!

[wsg5]

Enjoyed reading this. Appreciate the many links included. Very cool.

[SenzuriChampion]

That is, unless they win.

I'm pretty terrified.

[AnotherMike]

Please be aware that THIS "Real America" will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all of our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high-tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

"Patriotism is supporting your country all of the time
and your government, when it deserves it." Mark
Twain

[LightningJoe]

I like it.

I've been trying to figure out which country to send all the Rep dupes to, when they start saying "This isn't MY America," but I don't think any other country is crazy or stupid enough to take them.

So I guess we should build walls around their strongholds (clue: any place that calls itself the "real" America), and offer some incentives for the REAL real Americans to move out, before we set up the border crossings. After that, they can drill, drill, drill all they want, so long as they stay out of OUR America.

[LettaRose]

We've tried that "cowboy" approach for the last 8 years, why would we want a "maverick" in there now?

[RexPrimoris]

As always, well said, Mr. Cesca. Methinks (and very much hope) this election will be the end of the road for GOP dirty tricks politics. The GOP has gotten a lot of mileage and success out of the Atwater/Rove playbook of divisiveness, fearmongering and appeals to bigotry, but I don't think it's going to work this time. The book is worn and out-of-date. It may work in regional elections, but to win on the national stage, more is required than just the old politics of divide and conquer. I do feel the electorate has changed -- not all of it, of course -- but a good enough chunk of it to make a difference. Hopefully, my hunch will be borne out on Election Day...

[LightningJoe]

Mileage is only part of the story. It's the dirty and illegal tricks that gained them the mileage that I'm hot about.

Rove, Bush, and Cheney need to pay for their crimes; not just be retired to some cushy brush-pulling position. They sold their souls to buy those of other citizens, and they should be required to pay in full, as of now.

No more Executive Privilege, no pardons, no Faux teevee contributorships. They need to pay their debts to the society they've sold out, and the culture they've warped.

[RexPrimoris]

I hear ya, but at this point, I'm willing to settle for getting an enlightened, truly compassionate president/vice-president into office who can get this ship of state steered in the right direction and begin to undo some of the damage that's been done over the last eight years...

[nana4g]

Can you believe McCain operative railing against Obama taking his 747 campaign jet to Hawaii to see his grandmother, equating it with $150,000 to outfit the phoney VP candidate?

You know what? We will pay for as many trips to Hawaii for Obama as it takes for him to give his grandmother the respect, comfort, and love they both need. We are family.

I don't know what those Republicans are.

[MyNameisMud]

Nice Work! Keep it Up.

[patianneb]

"We can only hope that in its place will emerge a rebirth of American intelligence, pragmatism, thoughtfulness and wisdom. " (cesca)
From your mouth to G0d's ears . . .

[tydicea]

The political Machine or Rove, Bush culminating with McCain comes to an ignoble end. Good riddance!

[Cloball]

Great post. Tough, but so well put. Thank you.

There's been such a big, ridiculous cast of characters we've all had to endure, it seems like a bad movie. I bet with your viewpoint you could turn this into a really good Hollywood script someday....once we've had some time to get over it!

[Jezreel]

Bob Cesca: "We can only hope that in its place will emerge a rebirth of American intelligence, pragmatism, thoughtfulness and wisdom."
What more is there to say, except I couldn't agree more!