10/25/2006 02:36 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

The Republican Strategy For Winning The Bigot And Ghoul Vote

It should come as no surprise that the Republicans are amongst the most ghoulish, shameless breed of parasite currently using up valuable oxygen on this planet. From their meddling in the Terri Schiavo tragedy to their seemingly inadvertent racist remarks (remember "tar babies" and "white people should breed more in order to counter the Latinos?") the current Republican leadership, in government and the media, deserve to be marginalized as the racist, homophobic, cynical jagoffs they are.

Take the current series of controversies, for example.

Yeah, wingnuts, we get it. "San Francisco" as in "San Francisco liberal Nancy Pelosi" is a conservative code word for "homo-values." Whenever O'Reilly or Limbaugh or Hannity use "San Francisco" as a prefix, it's intended as a signal to evangelical voters that Minority Leader Pelosi will legislate the so-called gay agenda.

Perhaps I'm missing something but the last time I checked, the three items on the leader's to-do list are: 1) implementing the 9/11 Commission recommendations; 2) lobby reform; and 3) raising the minimum wage, all within the first 100 hours of taking the oath in January.

Although maybe -- just maybe -- Leader Pelosi is using coded language herself and I'm just dumb about it. Maybe the phrase "9/11 Commission" is San Francisco homo-values code language meaning "Gay Mafia" making that first agenda item actually imply, "implementing the Gay Mafia recommendations." I suppose the only way you'll know, Republicans, is to check with Foley, Guckert or Kolbe. Perhaps Dreier and Mehlman will know -- perhaps not.

The motive is as transparent as Karl Rove's hair. Gay-bash without saying the word "gay." Incite anti-gay fear amongst the closet brigade who continue to insist that gay people are somehow a threat to their heterosexuality. (NOTE: If gay people are a threat to your heterosexuality and you fear that being around them might turn you gay, then you're probably gay already.) Ultimately, the code language is necessary for another reason: more and more GOP officials continue to slither out of the closet exposing the party as the hypocrites they are. So outright gay-bashing not unlike 2004 would probably back fire.

Moving on to even more ghoulish code language from the GOP. But first... Hey. Michael Smerconish. What the hell, broseph? I'd expect more from a fellow Philadelphian and Huffington Post blogger. Last night on Hardball, you played dumb and insisted that the new RNC "comedy" ad in Tennessee isn't racist and is, in fact, quite hilarious.

Allow me to spell it out for you, Michael, because Matthews, though outraged, failed to outline specifically why the ad is so wrong.

Joining the ranks of GOP spokesmodels who are better suited for the gig than the president (Bin Laden and Zawahiri, for example) that white hooker girl who propositions Congressman Ford in the ad is sending a coded message to gullible racist bastards in Tennessee that Ford is obsessed with "reaping" white woman while busting up their chifferobes. See, in certain regions of the United States, white people continue to believe that all black men, while eating watermelon and hiding in the wood pile, are out to prey on their white daughters and wives. And by playing to that racist stereotype, the RNC and Ken Mehlman are, themselves, using racist propaganda to win votes amongst the toothless. Get it, Michael?

And then there's the drug addicted sex tourist Rush Limbaugh who has taken to ridiculing Michael J. Fox, a victim of Parkinson's Disease, and questioning whether the actor's tragic dyskinesia is genuine. I know. It's really difficult to top homophobia and racism, but leave it to Limbaugh to step over the decency line and -- wait. Allow me to rephrase that. Limbaugh has, in effect, crushed the decency line, injected the resulting powder into his flaccid penis and anally penetrated everyone who suffers from that horrible disease.

It's not surprising, however cruel it might be. This isn't the first time a bloviating self-righteous Republican has made a clinical diagnosis from afar. Senator Frist's professional diagnosis of Terri Schiavo not withstanding, perhaps Limbaugh has some kind of special insight into the medical field after ingesting enough varieties of blue pills to turn him into a priapism-suffering clone of Violet Beauregard.

Did I just impugn Limbaugh's medical disorder from afar? I did. The difference, however, between Rush and Fox, besides the talk show host's Herculean level of hypocrisy and pathological disassociation with the truth, is that Michael J. Fox's disease isn't his fault. Rush's disease is no-one's fault but his own and his decades-long attacks on the morality of other Americans continue to this day. Yet by now you'd think he'd shut his giant yap about anything resembling medical disorders. But I guess that's too much to expect.

I guess it's too much to expect that the Republican Party would run in this election based on its record. But when that record is so drenched in scandal, incompetence, greed and, most tragically, blood, the only thing they have left is their tendency for racism, homophobia, terror and outright intolerance.

But you know, it's not without calculation. The saddest statement of all is that these tactics actually work within the Republican base. Nothing is going to increase GOP turnout more than its fear of gays, miscegenation and Hollywood crusaders. Case in point, why do you suppose not a single black senator has been elected in the South since Reconstruction? In other words, these ghoulish tactics speak almost as much to the attitudes of the Republican base, which prides itself on its moral values, as it does to the party's leadership: your Mehlmans, your Roves, your Cheneys and Bushes.

And they have the balls to say the Democratic candidates are running on a platform of hatred.

Here's the bottom line, Republicans. If these are the votes you want -- the votes of the most racist and intolerant amongst us -- you can have them. And on November 7, 2006, when you lose the House anyway, I hope you're proud that you at least won the bigot and ghoul vote. Money well spent, boys.
UPDATE 5:15PM EDT: Un-freaking-believable! The music in the new anti-Harold Ford radio ad is... you guessed it... African jungle drums. Listen for yourself at TPM Cafe.

AND... In the documentary SO GOES THE NATION, I believe it was Ken Mehlman, Matthew Dowd or Mark McKinnon who said, and I'm paraphrasing, that whenever voters lash out at a negative ad, Karl Rove doubles the buy. Show of hands: who thinks Rove is behind this crapola in Tennessee?

ONE MORE THING... Go Chris Matthews! Holy hell, he went off today. Watch this: