World War III Is Going To Be Hilarious

Your president giggled and grinned while discussing World War III today.

"But this -- we got a leader in Iran who has announced that he wants to destroy Israel. So I've told people that if you're interested in avoiding [grinning] World War III [end grinning], it seems like you [begin giggling] ought to be interested in preventing them from have the knowledge [end giggling] necessary to make a nuclear weapon."

Hahahaha! Yeah! Zinger! That's funny shit. For the record, here's his expression while saying the words "World War Three":

To the rest of the known world, however, World War III a scary thing. It's just below abortion and above rape on the list of the all time unfunniest topics.

Let's break it down.

1. Iran doesn't have a nuclear weapon, and if they ever developed one, they'd be smart enough to know (despite how we caricaturize Ahmadinejad) that using it would invite their own destruction a thousand times over. Thus, there is no Iranian nuclear threat.

2. Yet the administration is drawing up plans to illegally and preemptively attack anyway, based on the lie that Iran is a nuclear threat.

3. Congress, despite the president's 24-percent approval rating, won't stop the White House because of, 1) The Fear, and 2) because Congress has allowed the president and vice president to seize unprecedented power which almost entirely circumvents Article I of the Constitution (among other things).

4. Meanwhile, if we do attack, it appears as if Pooty-Poot might bring Russia in on the Iranian side.

5. And there you go. Knee slapping boners all around. Milk just came out of my nose.

They're marketing Iran with more psychotic voracity than Michelle Malkin attacking an injured baby -- and no one can stop them.

As near as I can tell, there doesn't appear to be a governing body or citizen group who can stop them from carrying this out. Congress won't and, honestly, they can't. Last night's Frontline episode, "Cheney's Law," underscored what we've all been worried about: Congress has been rendered ineffectual against the current power madness of the executive.

For example, has Congress clamped down on the president's rampant use of torture? Sure. (Torture is number five on the unfunny syllabus.) The Republican controlled Congress did this, but the president rendered the law pointless with a signing statement.

Ah yes. Torture. Not to digress too far into this thing, but you know how the president can look us in the eye and say, "we don't torture," as he did in today's press conference? He can say this with impunity because the administration has authored its own definition of torture which is so narrow that anything else -- anything you and I would consider to be torture -- isn't.

If it don't cause organ failure, it ain't torture, Stretchy McStretch-o-rama-funny-pants. In a sense, the president isn't lying when he says "we don't torture." It depends on what your definition of torture is.

This excuse, of course, is the same excuse future enemies will use when they torture... us.

Republican cowards who demand security at the expense of liberty/honor/law have facilitated the Bush executive branch with extraordinary power. Now we're trapped in the shadow of the White House's unprecedented strength, and there doesn't appear to be any conceivable way to stop these people. If Cheney wrangles the military hardware to attack Iran, the air strikes will commence with lightning zealotry. Bet on it. Congress can try to stop him, but they don't have the power any more. According to the Bush administration, Article II is Article II and the Commander in Chief rules.

It's as simple as that. Just try telling him he's wrong on this. You could be the most conservative wingnut ever and you'd lose that debate -- not for a lack of rational arguments either.

Is it any wonder why we occasionally succumb to outrage fatigue: that deflated, windless sense of numbing futility we feel when confronted with the illogical and the absurd? We've only begun to dig into the upper strata of lawlessness this regime has perpetrated over the last seven years. And now, in this desperate dying twilight of their existence -- now that they're gravely unpopular and on their way out the door -- reckless and without anything to lose -- why shouldn't they do all the crazy shit they've talked about? Bomb Tehran? Yeah, that'll be awesome and hilarious. More war means more war powers. If you thought the administration's war powers were crazy huge, just imagine their World War powers. Score!

The president always says that history will vindicate him. 15 months from now, he'll be done. Pretending to be a cowboy down there -- raising melanomas in the harsh Crawford sunshine, laughing at the third hilarious war he started all by himself.

Once he's done, by his twisted reasoning, it's someone else's problem. By "someone else" he naturally means "everyone else."

Just like so many powerful men, he appears to be able to switch off his conscience (if one exists in the first place). It's the same switch that allows him to say "we don't torture," or to smirk and laugh while discussing Iraq casualties and World War III. "Everyone else" won't include him because he'll always be safe. He'll always have Crawford and the twins; his fake accent and his delusional view of history; his nicknames and his eh-eh-eh laugh.

The rest of us -- unless we can find a way to stop this Iran drumbeat -- won't be laughing so much.

Comments

[ihavenobias]

The administration's 4 part strategy to attack Iran (video clip):

theyoungturks.com/story/2007/10/9/11831/0619

[NorCalNative]

Bob, you are a pretty funny guy and I appreciate your willingness to let the anger show through in your writing. If you're not angry about what this group in office is doing you're not paying attention.

We are being sold permanent war because it is supposed to bring us PEACE. Would WAR in any form be possible without organized religion?

[texasborn]

Actually we are being attacked at this very moment from more than one front. The first and most obvious is the attack from all sides within this country by those "in power". Secondly, China is attacking in a way that is designed to demolish the economy of the U.S. and render it helpless. The Chinese are very patient and are moving to own more of the U.S. than the U.S. Think about it. Why did the Chinese mysteriously become so quiet about their nuclear ambitions and those of North Korea. I fear the shit will hit the fan sooner than later.

[iwishicouldvote]

China is not attacking us, they are beating us.
There is a difference.
We are competing with China and they are winning because they have played smarter than us.
They are locking up long term oil contracts all over the place, and securing raw material supplies to fuel their economy. They're not cheating - they're winning fair and square.
You can only characterize 'beating' as 'attacking' if you believe you have a god-given right to win (as Fox-watchers do).

[xrepublican]

China is playing chess - as is Russia....­.

We're not even playing checkers..­.. I think Bush is trying to play "Go Fish"..... and failing abysmally at that.

Irony is that we've GIVEN China our future, shipping over our manufacturing capabilities wholesale - one industrial plant at a time.... we're giving them basic AND high technology - which they are using to make damn near everything we buy....

so.... China takes the $$$$$ they've made selling us Happy Meal toys and all the unnecessary crap (as well as the necessary stuff) and buys up long term oil supplies all over the world.....­.

Bush tried to play emperor by conquering Iraq, failed and insured our collapse by selling out to the Chinese - our biggest rivals on the world stage. We have - for a limited time - a technology edge but can in NO WAY compete with the numbers behind China's military. But then since China owns so much of the US, we'll never have to go to war with them. They'll simply call in our IOU's.

[eddieinc97]

Let us see what Ozzie has to say....

Generals gathered in their masses,
just like witches at black masses.
Evil minds that plot destruction,
sorcerers of death's construction.
In the fields the bodies burning,
as the war machine keeps turning.
Death and hatred to mankind,
poisoning their brainwashed minds.
Oh lord, yeah!

Politicians hide themselves away.
They only started the war.
Why should they go out to fight?
They leave that role to the poor, yeah.

Time will tell on their power minds,
making war just for fun.
Treating people just like pawns in chess,
wait till their judgement day comes, yeah.

Now in darkness world stops turning,
ashes where the bodies burning.
No more War Pigs have the power,
Hand of God has struck the hour.
Day of judgement, God is calling,
on their knees the war pigs crawling.
Begging mercies for their sins,
Satan, laughing, spreads his wings.
Oh lord, yeah!
--Black Sabbath, War Pigs

[deminmo]

Love that Black Sabbath! Takes me back to college
days.

[MacDaffy]

So long, Mom! I'm off to bomb Iran
So don't wait up for me!
The place is Islamic!
It can't be atomic!
Real soon it will be
A pile of debris!

We'll blow old Ach-Mod-Di-Na-Jahd
From Teheran to Mahabad
We'll do it in the name of God!
Who cares if lives are lost?
The job's a piece of cake for Georgie
It's a Middle Eastern Holocaust! Yeah!

Little Georgie Bush, he was a U.S. pilot!
No problem being violent has he!
Georgie's mighty proud of all the wars he's declared
He isn't scared, No siree!
"We'll take them Ay-rabs head on!
They'll think it's Arma-ged-don!"

So long, Mom! I'm off to bomb Iran!
So don't wait up for me!
Who says it's an error?
Who says there'll be terror?
We're setting them free!
How mad can they be?

Remember, Mommy!
We're bombing the Islamis!
They're nothing like the Commies
They'll understand somehow!
We'll all be friends when the war is over...
About a thousand years from now!

[realpolitic]

I wonder about the legality of Bush's signing statements. The courts should simply throw them out.

[hippynanainblingland]

I wonder the same... How come their saying so makes it so? Unless they're sure they have enough firepower to back it up!!! SCARY

[HotheadPaisen]

Forgive me if this is a dumbass question, but we're being told we're in Iraq to help protect all Iraqis from the ::insert evil doers du jour:: My understanding is that the Kurds are included, indeed one of the most oft repeated reasons for disposing Saddam was what he did to the Kurds, so if Turkey is posed to attack the Kurds in the North, wouldn't that mean we'd have to be at war with Turkey soon too?

[horhay]

It just wouldn't be World War III without Turkey being included in the chaos.

[PADDYWHACK]

No hothead,the Turks are going after terrorists ala the Bush doctrine,we should be helping them.I'd like to direct you somewhere to read this convoluted doctrine but it's mostly made up on the spot.

[xrepublican]

You need the playbook to keep track.

Kurds are good - IF they're FOR the US, if they're AGAINST Iran, but NOT if they're against the Turks (eg too militantly FOR a really independent Kurdish homeland) gotta love that "homeland" thing.... you just KNOW things are a politically constructed clusterf**k when you resort to calling a place "homeland"­... but I digress...

Sunnis are bad - well they USED to be bad but now some are OK because they're not shooting at us anymore, they're shooting at 'alQuaeda' - mainly because Iraqis are po'd at the foreigners wanting THEIR women and acting like they own the place... and partially because the US is now paying them well for being on our side.....

Shia are good - when they're running a government we hand-picked but not so good when they refuse to turn over Iraq's oil to us, and not so good when Shia militias are slaughtering Sunnis and also shooting at US troops....­. if they look like they have ANY links to Iran (though they are NOT fond of 'Persians' - being Arabs as well as Shia) then they are really, really bad.....

there's more......

[Boobaloo]

Your post is great.

I only find it irritating that you didnt address the great big elephant in the room: Zionism and Israel.

It is estimated that Iran will run out of oil in 10-15 years, that is why its creating nuclear energy so that it doesnt have rely on foreign energy supply, like their enemies in the sunni nations. I do not want to hear any whining that Im wrong about Iran running out of oil, this is fact.
http://www.iht.com/articles/2007/01/08/opinion/edstern.php

Its just convenient that the Zionists and the war profiteering corporations both get what they want.

This war against iran is not about oil,these wars in the Middle East are for two reasons:

1. Jewish Zionism, Israel: Israel wants every arab nation destroyed and crippled because it's good for its security, devestated populations recovering from war can not fight the tyranny of Zionist ethnic cleansing and ruling of all christian and muslim religious sites in holy land. Israel is currently the only nuclear power in the region and the only military power in the region and Israel to continue ruling over the region with that military and nuclear threat.

2. Christian Zionism: Over 60 million of these homicidal and suicidal religious maniacs that rule Americas democracy and they believe that as soon as all the Jews are living in Israel encompassing all of Judae and Samaria -- that's modern day Palestine and LEBANON (which puts Israels repeated attacks on the lebanese in clearer perspective)--- then and ONLY then will Jesus Christ return and take the rapturous believers upto heaven and the jews that dont convert to Christianity will be annihilated. These Christian Zionists want WWWIII , everything they do is to bring on Armeggedon, that's why they keep manufacturing false threats and illegal wars against Iraq and Iran.

These Zionists are the single greatest threat to our national security and to the security of the whole world.

[Yukon Jack]

WWIII has come and gone.

It was the Cold War, lasting about 45 years, that was won, eventually, by the good guys.

[spl@]

how horribly relevant, yukon jack. thanks!

at least you haven't lost your sense of humor.

[Durango]

The Cold War was not won by "the Good Guys."
As John LeCarre said. "The right people lost."

[whomung]

Lenard Cohen said

"everybody knows the war is over
Everybody knows the good guys lost
that's how it goes
everybody knows"

[Raster]

Hilarious or not, it's going to be.

[darker]

Bush-cheney will be LAUGHING ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK! Huge corporate welfare queen pals' payoffs await them as soon as they leave White House.

WW III ??
That's their latest SCARE TACTIC.
Mission SNOW JOB.
hey, it's always worked before!

Boastful Americans really are frightened conformists, easily manipulated.

[zitlight73]

What makes you so sure they are planning to leave the White House. Read the Executive Emergancy Powers Act adopted by the Gingrich congress back in Reagon's day. Then read National Security Presidential Directive-51 uncermoniously signed by Bush on May 9,2007,which states that he does not have to go before congress or anything else to seize from federal on down to city levels all political powers making him the ultimate Decider,actually it would be the demented puppeteer Cheney still holding the strings. Under NSPD-51 anything from terrorist attacks to earthquake­s,hurrican­es and epidemics basically whatever the president says is a national emergancy is a national emergancy,he then can seize all powers. Hey why not stage another 911 it worked like a charm the last time. The only way Cheney is going to cede power is to somebody he has enough dirt on through all this domestic spying so if they try to hold him accountable for all the heinous crimes he's committed he'd be able to pre-empt them and take them down first,and/or someone who share his malignant world veiw,Giuliani come to mind. Remember this is a man who stated that he's not part of the executive branch,that "he's a different animal" one that is above all laws and common decency perhaps the one that prophecy calls "the Beast".

[rboylern]

None of them will think it's so goddamned funny when bombs start dropping and millions are killed. What is it with Bush and his cronies? They can't be all that stupid. Or can they?

[lastams]

That's a good question.
When you listen to the Whitehouse spin on reality in the region, one has to wonder if they are delusional or simply deceitful.

Momentarily leaving aside our REASONS for our being in Iraq, the slim majority still lined up behind the Whitehouse spin of “We are aiding a new democracy while fighting Islamic extremism” seem to be the very people who know the least about the conflict. I don't know if we can call them stupid of just plain ill informed.
Stubbornly, ridiculously, ill informed.
Let's face it, this policy of spreading money and weapons to anyone and everyone who even pretends to support us has made the Islamic extremists that we are fighting and the ones that we are supporting seem virtually indistinguishable.
The fact is that we turned the Iraqi government over to Iranian backed Shiites like Al-Hakim and his Supreme Council for the Islamic Revolution in Iraq years ago. To turn around and act surprised that Iran has influence in Iraq could be viewed as myopia or misinformation or just plain bullshit. In any case, it appears that Hillary has caught the bug as well … in fact lately she seems to be making the White house talking points for them.
When the opposition won’t point out the insanity, then the insane win … and God help what’s left of the Middle East.

[Overd0g]

No. Sometimes people disagree with you for other reasons than being stupid, believe it or not.

[lastams]

No, when you believe that the moon is made out of cream cheese, then you are indeed stupid.
If you believe that we are supporting a young democracy in Iraq and fighting moslem extreemists, then you might as well believe in the Easter Bunny....i­t is not a "difference of opinion". It is the difference between reality and bullshit.
Name me one "founding father", one good guy, that we are supporting in Iraq ... Be it the Dawa party, the SCIRI, the Mahdi army, or the Sunni warlords, they are ALL moslem extremsts.­..
and we keep arming them.
Tell me, please, in your OPINION who the good guys are.

[quantum9leap]

I have read,reread,and rereadArti­cleII,sect­ion 2 of the Constitution and I can not find any reference to the President being the commander in chief of the People of the United States. Pray tell me what the lines as follows say and mean? "The President shall be Commander in Chief of the Army and Navy of the United States and of the Militia of the several States,when called into the actual Service of the United States...e­tc." The army,navy, and militia period. There is no,none, reference to the fact that the President is Commander in chief of the People. How dare he claim such powers and woe unto the People for allowing him to usurp such powers.
Congress represent the People and are elected to make such broad decisions. The President proposes and Congress disposes. But even the Congress cannot grant him such powers beyond those enumerated in our Constitution.
He has called this police action a War and this action has been accepted by the People without question and without corrected action by our representa­tives.Agai­n woe unto the People and their elected representatives. We must end this charade and take back our rightful government as granted to us in our Constitution.
Americans awake for time is of the essence if we are to preserve our liberty. The longer we acquiesce to this usurpation the more difficult the job of the preservation of our liberty will become and perhaps lost forever.
Awake!

[Kendo Nagasaki]

When Bush and Chey took office they swore to uphold the Constitution of the United States of Ameica. Since then they have done nothing but usurp it. The should be charged with treason and tried in a court of law )or a Military Tribunal to avoid the Suprene Court they stacked.)

[wars4profit]

Many people have no concept of the effects of nuclear bombs. Here is a description of what just one small one could do:


[O]ne 20 megaton bomb exploding on the surface of Columbus Circle in New York would produce a hole where twenty city blocks had been, a hole deep enough to hide a 20 story building. All brick and wood frame houses within 7.7 miles would be completely destroyed. The blast waves would carry through the entire underground subway system. Up to fifteen miles from ground zero flying debris, propelled by displacement effects would cause more casualties. 200,000 separate fires would be ignited producing a firestorm with temperatures up to 1,500 degrees F. and wind velocities to 150 MPH. The fabric of water supplies, food and fuel for transportation, medical services, and electric power would be destroyed. And radiation damages that destroy and deform living things would continue for 240,000 years. Such bombs, and others still larger and more destructive, are contained in the warheads of missiles, many of them capable of delivering multiple warheads from a single launch.

--Marc Pilisuk, Nuclear Madness

http://www.commondreams.org/views06/0314-23.htm
.

[Overd0g]

It doesn't seem like it's been over 240,000 years since we bombed Hiroshima. Time flies.

[deminmo]

The time is for the radiation to completely
decay, even in the case of Hiroshima and Nagysaki
the radiation is still in dirt. Thats why there
are still so many cases of cancer. Think Three
Mile Island.

[Kendo Nagasaki]

And just where will this bomb come from exactly?

With Michael Chertoff in charge of Homeland Security we have nothing to worry about.

[deminmo]

suitcases. Several bombs are now unaccounted for
in Russia.

[PADDYWHACK]

war what worries me is that people in the administration talk glibly of using tactical nukes,the first bomb that goes off means the end of the world.All normal activity will stop and the US will look like one of those 50's post holocaust movies.

[TJTelecaster]

Bob we have to attack Iran and Start WWIII to prevent WWIII..don­'t you get it..?

Me either..

[PADDYWHACK]

Where is Milo Minderbender when we need him unless----­------he's working for Blackwater.