For many years, theoretical physicists have kicked around the idea that there might exist, alongside our own universe, alternative universes where different realities are taking place. Some even postulated that it might be possible to visit such places, perhaps through warps in the space-time continuum. Stephen Hawking, the brilliant successor to Einstein whose earlier musings had helped fuel such speculation, recently concluded that he was wrong and that such a possibility was in fact unlikely.
But I know Hawking is wrong. I have traveled to such an alternative universe, and you can, too. Just go RealClearPolitics.com and scroll down to the lower right-hand and click on "Reader Articles". Here, you will enter the world of the right-wing blogosphere, where a reality exists that is vastly different from the universe you and I inhabit.
In this alternative political universe, the big news for the past several weeks has been the "fact" that Barack Obama is not a natural-born US Citizen and therefore not eligible to be President. In the real world, of course, Senator Obama was born in Honolulu, Hawaii on August 4, 1961. But in the alternative universe, that's not true. The birth certificate attesting to Obama's birth is a clever forgery, according to "Mondoreb" who writes for the site "Death by a Thousand Papercuts: a Rip-Snortin' Gang of Hardcore Right-Wing Cutthroats". Mondoreb debunks the confirmation by factcheck.org, the neutral site that tries to dispel internet rumors by actually examining the facts. Factcheck.org said it had "seen, touched, examined, and photographed the original birth certificate. ... Our conclusion: Obama was born in the U.S.A. as he has always said." Not good enough for Mondoreb, who notes that factcheck.org receives funding from the Annenberg Foundation ... the same foundation that funded the charity whose board Obama sat on with William Ayers. Factcheck.org, therefore, is nothing but a bunch of "Annenberg Fact Checkers". What about the birth announcement that appeared in a Honolulu newspaper at the time? "Not much more than window-dressing" says Mondoreb. To this group, "It is possible that Obama conspired his way to the precipice of the world's biggest job, involving a vast network of people and government agencies over decades of lies." Pretty smart for a little tot.
Hot news on this alternative universe front came over the weekend, when "texasdarlin" reported "Breaking News" of "an unverified tip that certified copies of a Kenyan Birth Certificate for Obama were sent from Kenya and have been received by three separate individuals." You can imagine the reaction in the blogosphere to this news! "Oh happy day," Michelle M. crooned. "Omigod" wrote Papoose, "worth the wait!" EmCrouchon "guesses" that among the people who have copies of the foreign birth certificate are "1) Bill and Hillary Clinton, 2) The Republican Party ... The reason the Clintons are waiting is because they know they can't win in November. Bringing out the [birth certificate] will so demoralize black Democrats, they won't go to the polls to vote, and the Democrats will lose - BIG TIME! The Republicans are holding back because they prefer to win this election on the issues and presenting better ideas for governing. Conservatives consider using gimmicks (truly!) to win an elective office dishonorable." (Gosh darn, those noble conservative Republicans!) "It is shocking the DNC let this happen," laments DavidC, while Hilarysmygirl08 sees a bright side for her and other Clinton donors: "Clinton and her supporters can sue the DNC for years, especially the ones who have donated to her campaign." As an aside, several contributors offered that this explained why Obama went to Hawaii for his "vacation" (I mean, who goes to Hawaii for a vacation): to threaten his maternal grandmother, who knows the truth, into silence. That is why Obama's grandma is "now locked away".
The other hot breaking news story in Universe B this weekend was posted on the "Hillbuzz" site: "Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald One Step Closer to Indicting Obama." Apparently, Tony Rezko is cracking under the strain as he awaits sentencing and is about to finally reveal the truth about Senator Obama's criminal activities. This means that "Barack Obama will serve a prison sentence in the next few years -- because knowing Fitzgerald, there is no reason he would be going through all of this if that was not the targeted goal in the long term." The bloggers were ecstatic at the news: "That is sooo!! the truth," swooned CountryFirstMcCain08. But Duncan is a bit worried: "make sure this comes out before the Election as President Biden would be a worry, but funny! but he would only last a few weeks as he would be forced to resign due to some Gaffe. that mean President Pelosi. then that would trigger Hillary 2010." [spelling and punctuation in original] Julianne Barbaro, meanwhile, is beside herself with anticipation over the prospect: "Please don't get our hopes up only to have them come crashing down, say because maybe Obama's thugs, courtesy of Farrakhan, will threaten Rezko's family to make him shut up...or something like that. The emotional roller-coaster of hoping that the truth will out itself in time is just too much anymore, especially on top of the challenges of everyday life. TRUTH, where are you? Come out, come out wherever you are! HURRY!!!"
Aside from Obama's foreign birth, another subject of big news in the alternative universe is William Ayers, the 60s Weatherman who is but a footnote in history in our universe. Sarah Palin may think that Obama's involvement with Ayers is limited to "palling around" with the terrorist, but not the bloggers. David Hinz, for instance, asks the question all of us really know the answer to, "Did William Ayers Write Barack Obama's First Memoir?" The proof: both use "poetic images" in their writing, a trick apparently no other author has thought of. While it can't be "guarantee[d] without question" that Ayers was the ghost writer, "the evidence would certainly hold up in most American courts of law." But the ties go even further, according to SavagePolitics.com, which helpfully publishes the "Ayers/Obama Timeline" which chronicles such heretofore-unknown facts as, " 1988 = Ayers solicits Khalid Al-Mansour to raise money for Obama's Harvard law School education; 1989 = Tom Ayers and William Ayers get Obama a summer job at Sidley & Austin (where he meets Michelle Obama); Ayers' wife Bernadine Dohrn also worked at Sidley at about the same time as Barack and Michelle." I can only surmise from this that William Ayers, having concluded that radicals couldn't take power by violent means, came up with the idea of gaining control by ... running an African-American with the name Barack Hussein Obama for President?
Meanwhile, Marion Valentine, a former "naval intelligence officer," exposes another conspiracy in his "From Naval Intell: Economic Collapse by Design: How Socialists Pushed Obama to the Top." It seems that because of the success of the Iraq War, which threatened their plans to install Obama in the White House, the "dishonest radical socialists who call themselves Democrats" had to resort to "plan B by having their ultra wealthy cronies manipulate the stock market and futures markets so they could set out to tank the American Economy." You didn't realize Barack Obama was a socialist? Oh yes, and this is the subject of a whole other strain of news in this universe. According to American Thinker, for example, "archives prove ... that Barack Obama was a member of the New Party," a "radical Marxist group aimed at gaining control of the Democratic party aimed at implementing a hardline version of socialism." New Party members apparently had to "sign a contract" promising they would stay under control of the New Party. (Or what, get sued?) Thomas Lifson, the author of this revelation, has a great suggestion for the next debate: "The candidate should be pressed by McCain/Palin to reveal that contract and proclaim his adherence to New Party goals before the American people approve him for our highest office."
There's far more alternative universe news out there to entertain you should you tire of the dull stock market plunges, election battles or the latest "Dancing With the Stars" developments - Obama's responsibility for the election violence in Kenya; his nefarious plans for an Islamic state; his deep involvement with the ACORN voter fraud incidents, and so on. But let me lend a note of caution: Don't get personally involved in the workings of this alternative universe or the results could be disastrous. Once, I tried gingerly to suggest that the factual premises on which one of the blogs was based might not be actually true. The response was swift and uncompromising: "Bob V. is a moron," the next post read.
