Elizabeth Edwards Drank Her Husband's Kool-Aid And Became His "Ambition Enabler"

It's easy to understand why John Edwards first felt he was entitled to cheat on his wife and family, and then second, thought he could keep it secret from the American public. He is a self-admitted "narcissist", and narcissists believe they are entitled to whatever they want, whenever they want it. As psychologist Cooper Lawrence told me, "they always think some other poor schnook will get caught, not them."

The bigger question is "why did Elizabeth Edwards drink her husband's Kool-Aid? How could she have possibly believed that her husbands affair would remain a private matter when he was running for President of the United States? Hello, the National Enquirer had already broken the story last fall. Why in fact, did she knowingly encourage her spouse to even enter the campaign when she had been fully informed about the affair for over a year? And she helped support and propagate John Edwards' image as a devoted husband and family man.

She was so supportive that she even remained committed to his campaign after the discovery of her metastasized breast cancer. Despite the fact that she was facing a terminal illness, she was willing to take flack for her belief that John Edwards' presidential campaign was so important that not even her own health should stand in the way of its proceeding.

Elizabeth Edwards is now protesting in her own public statement that the public appetite to 'know" is the real culprit in the situation. The 'public' is being voyeuristic in her view and is getting in the way of her family's right to privacy.

Well, she may not want to admit it but Elizabeth is as guilty as her husband at this point, in inviting the public into her family's personal life. Once Bill Clinton's antics in the White House with Monica Lewinsky became Page One headlines for months, no presidential candidate or their family could ever realistically kid themselves, that marital fidelity would not be an issue in political life. If she had any questions about that last spring, she only had to make a call to Silda Spitzer.

No, Elizabeth Edwards had to be in some extraordinary form of denial and that's why she became her husband's "ambition enabler", when she supported his recent run for the presidency. My belief is that after almost thirty years of marriage she too had become so invested in his political ambitions, his cause, that she couldn't give up either, even after he cheated and she knew there was a chance his affair could be reported in the mainstream press.

"His success, now defined her success, so she was willing to go along with the fraud that that their marriage was fine," believes psychologist Victoria Zdrok, currently working on a book titled," Dr. Z on Straying."

Think about it. The Edwards met in law school; She still wears the $11 wedding ring he gave her. He became a successful trial lawyer and then a member of the Senate. She pursued a law career too but ultimately gave it up to support his career and take care of their family. As a couple they experienced the worst of tragedies, the death of their 16 year-old son, and then they made the decision to have two more children. It's easy to understand why Elizabeth Edwards would feel that her marriage was worth salvaging after her spouses' episode of infidelity. It's the presidential campaign that is far harder to understand.

That's why I believe that it's because Elizabeth had made such an enormous personal commitment to her role as her husband's helpmate and as a potential first lady and had made so many sacrifices over the years in the interests of realizing those goals, that she was willing to risk public exposure.

Her terminal illness may actually have also played a role in her decision to publicly stand by her man and his presidential ambitions, according to Zdrok. "When we seek death, we often seek to achieve a symbolic immortality. And becoming a presidential wife could have been that for her."

In any case, Elizabeth Edwards was a victim when her husband cheated. She did nothing to deserve that and as a wife she had every right and many reasons to forgive the jerk. But the decision to stand behind him and publicly broadcast his staunch family values image was her own doing. As courageous and admirable as she has been in dealing with her cancer, she is now the latest member of the Publicly Humiliated Wives Club, and she has no right to complain about the public's interest in knowing exactly what has happened. She helped get herself in this situation.

Follow Bonnie Fuller on Twitter: www.twitter.com/bonniefuller

Comments

[95flhtcu]

Could I get an AMEN!

[aubrey8]

Suppose to be something new here bonnie?

[midnightwriter]

Your absolutely right. As horrible as her cancer is, she isn't off the hook for the role she played in decieving the public on this families image.

[calpoet]

It's amazing to me that people still get so bent out of shape about infidelity. It's more the human norm than an exception. If every man and woman in America who has been unfaithful to their spouse voted for the same presidential candidate, that candidate would win in a landslide. In addition, a huge percentage of wealthy, powerful, and/or good looking men have mistresses. When you put all three together (as in John Edwards' case) and add lots of time away from home with lots of attractive groupies in lots of nice hotels, the question of whether or not he's getting some on the side is a no brainer. Women are attracted to wealth, power, and good looks as everyone knows, and it's hard for a man to resist an attractive (or even not so attractive) woman who makes herself easily available. (As everyone also knows.) The role call of polticians, and especially presidents, who have had illicit affairs, from Thomas Jefferson with Sally Hemmings through Grover Cleveland, FDR, JFK, and of course our own "I did not have sex with that woman" Bill Clinton. Then there are all the governors, senators and congresspersons who are also away from home a lot, stay at hotels a lot, and have nice expense accounts that we pay for. So unless you've led a very sheltered life and still believe in Ozzie and Harriet marital lives, nothing about John Edwards' affair should surprise you.

[Bibbo]

Cal
You certainly dont have the heart of a poet. No you're a cynic that excuses deviant behavior by saying it cant be deviant because its so common...down defining deviancy so to speak. What a guy. Wrong...its not the way most people act therefor it is deviant from normal behavior. You are right that it happens in politics and other power professions but what does that tell us? These are terribly flawed individuals that abuse their position..­.certainly not reminiscent of the teachings of Christ who taught that those who will be first in His kingdom will not lord their power over others but will serve them. The last shall be first,etc. I believe in the potential and possible goodness of all men and reject your cynical writing off the greatness each and every one of us is meant to achieve. We must aim high but be prepared that many will fall short. You have given up on man and I assure you that somewhere someone who could have done better had he been encouraged to try harder will follow your advice and accept mediocracy.

[charon]

Take off your rose-colored glasses Bibbo. There is nothing deviant about having an affair. Monogamy after 6 or 7 years is largely a fairy tale. It isn't cynical to face that reality, just like there is nothing cynical about saying that the vast majority of humans occasionally have engaged in masturbation. Just a simple fact of life. Our mothers and fathers not only masturbated, at least one and maybe both probably had affairs. This is adult reality. We don't like to think about it, just like we don't like to think about what they did to make us. But they did it. And there is nothing "falling short" about being human with all our foibles. It is who we are. Get over it and grow up.

[tasukibeth1]

Yuck. I read the first paragraph and stopped reading.

1) When you love someone, you forgive them. It's really easy to scream "kick his @ss to the curb" until it happens to you.

2) I think we really need to mind our own business when it comes to ALL of these sex scandals; especially the ones that have nothing to do with us.

[confuseddemocrat]

hear hear

[ruthinking]

Two words: HIllary Clinton

[Chumleysmom]

Meow

[Redheadedwoman]

Elizabeth would have been better served by remaining silent on this affair. People would have given her the benefit of the doubt. Now I think for a lot of us we're also seeing a side to her that we just didn't want to see either. She knew he lied and was supporting him in that lie. Not good.

[PHHNYC24]

G-d bless you Bonnie Fuller! I wondered who in the media would be brave enough to point out the very basic fact that Elizabeth Edwards was a willing and knowing accomplice in perpetrating a fraud on The Democratic Party. She knew there was a smoking gun that could have GIVEN the general election to ANY Republican if Edwards got the nomination and Rielle Hunter became the October Surprise. Who cares about Roe V. Wade? Who cares about Gay Rights? Who cares about getting out of Iraq and preventing THOUSANDS of more deaths? Not Elizabeth Edwards! She was so desperate to be FIRST LADY that she ruthlessly played Russian Roulette with America's future. Elizabeth Edwards has no place at The Democratic Convention. Cancer is a horrible thing, but it doesn't rob people of the choice of doing the right thing. To overlook Elizabeth Edwards lie is to wrongly diminish everyone with cancer as unaccountable and morally helpless. And that just couldn't be farther from the truth.

[confuseddemocrat]

Whoa... how did you get from Edwards having an affair to Elizabeth denigrating cancer victims?

[charon]

What a lot of hogwash. The myth of monogamy has done more harm than good for our culture. Fact is, as Freud pointed out, most healthy, sexually active people are attracted to most other healthy , sexually active people (or at least that's the essence of what he wrote about the universality of sexual attraction.) Yes, it's unsafe to engage willy-nilly in sex with everyone, but most people lack the severe discipline to never once stray from a relationship.

We know many high-ranking members of the western Church strayed from their vows of celibacy. Europeans, especially ones in positions of power in business or government, from time immemorial strayed; commonly, she would have a younger lover on the side, he would have a girl or two, or maybe a young man, on the side as well. Japanese had their geishas, Solomon his concubines. This is the way it's always been. Monogamy is more the exception than the rule throughout history.

Sad as it may make some people, fidelity is mostly honored in the breach.

[calpoet]

Bravo, Charon. See my post above.

[charon]

Thanks, calpoet. I didn't read many posts before writing mine, I was so put off by what seemed like Ms. Fuller's overblown analysis of Mr. Edwards' "narcissistic" act and Mrs. Edwards' "enabling" and "drinking his kool-aid" and her secret death wish that I had to point out how unremarkable affairs are in human history. Probably some others besides us made the same point too. I'm not saying what he did was right, or even that we have the right to judge them, but only that, as Tom Jones pointed out in a '60s song, "It's not unusual." Was FDR a narcissistic heel who didn't care who he hurt? Was Mrs. Roosevelt a kool-aid drinking enabler with a secret death wish? I doubt it. The same could be asked of everyone who's ever had an affair. A group, as you point out, that is likely a majority of adults in the US.

[charon]

Thanks, calpoet. I didn't read many posts before writing mine, I was so put off by what seemed like Ms. Fuller's overblown analysis of Mr. Edwards' "narcissistic" act and Mrs. Edwards' "enabling" and "drinking his kool-aid" and her secret death wish that I had to point out how unremarkable affairs are in human history. Probably some others made the same point too. I'm not saying what he did was right, or even that we have the right to judge them, but only that, as Tom Jones pointed out in a '60s song, "It's not unusual." Was FDR a narcissistic heel who didn't care who he hurt? Was Mrs. Roosevelt a kool-aid drinking enabler with a secret death wish? I doubt it. The same could be asked of everyone who's ever had an affair. A group, as you point out, that is likely a majority of adults in the US.

[cowboyneok]

Elizabeth Edwards for President, and GOD BLESS HER!

[lyingtruth]

Edwards should have said in the emotional style of (Leave Brittany Alone) Chris Crocker:
(Uncontrollably sobbing) I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, forgive me, forgive me, forgive me, forgive me, forgive me, forgive me, forgive me, forgive me, forgive me, forgive me!
Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please!
Leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone!

[WolfLarsen]

She should have been politically astute enough to realize this was going to come out sooner or later. She can claim privacy for her personal life as long as she is not a hypocrite. She forgot the first rule when placing yourself on a pedestal......make sure it is deserved. She knew it wasn't and she should have refrained from lionizing her husband's fidelity and morality. She should have come clean about the flaws. This is only necessary when you become a public figure and run for public office. I wish it were different but that is currently the lay of the political landscape and both she and her husband should have known better.

I feel sorry for Elizabeth's condition and I wish her well. But she knew the political dangers that laid ahead and did little to soften the impact.

[Robert59]

I disagree with your conclusion. She didn't drink his Kool-Aid.

I hyphothesize the following. She's older than John. She's ill. She feels unworthy to be John's wife. He's got his health, his youth, his vitality, his looks. Doubt me? Talk to a few cancer victims married to healthy people. They might put on a good front but inside they are full of insecurity.

She rationalized everything he did. From his affair to his run for president (knowing there was a scandal brewing) because she felt unworthy to say no.

[dadw5boys]

My Grandfather gave me the best advise about judging other people.

He said: " Some people grow to be adults in many ways but remain childish and vunerable in other ways so before you judge anyone remember you hold those same strenghts and weaknesses within yourself. "

Our best effort can seldom overcome so many weaknesses.

[kbuffler42]

I would have liked your grandfather and I believe we could all learn and benefit from his wisdom and compassion.