Elizabeth Edwards Drank Her Husband's Kool-Aid And Became His "Ambition Enabler"

It's easy to understand why John Edwards first felt he was entitled to cheat on his wife and family, and then second, thought he could keep it secret from the American public. He is a self-admitted "narcissist", and narcissists believe they are entitled to whatever they want, whenever they want it. As psychologist Cooper Lawrence told me, "they always think some other poor schnook will get caught, not them."

The bigger question is "why did Elizabeth Edwards drink her husband's Kool-Aid? How could she have possibly believed that her husbands affair would remain a private matter when he was running for President of the United States? Hello, the National Enquirer had already broken the story last fall. Why in fact, did she knowingly encourage her spouse to even enter the campaign when she had been fully informed about the affair for over a year? And she helped support and propagate John Edwards' image as a devoted husband and family man.

She was so supportive that she even remained committed to his campaign after the discovery of her metastasized breast cancer. Despite the fact that she was facing a terminal illness, she was willing to take flack for her belief that John Edwards' presidential campaign was so important that not even her own health should stand in the way of its proceeding.

Elizabeth Edwards is now protesting in her own public statement that the public appetite to 'know" is the real culprit in the situation. The 'public' is being voyeuristic in her view and is getting in the way of her family's right to privacy.

Well, she may not want to admit it but Elizabeth is as guilty as her husband at this point, in inviting the public into her family's personal life. Once Bill Clinton's antics in the White House with Monica Lewinsky became Page One headlines for months, no presidential candidate or their family could ever realistically kid themselves, that marital fidelity would not be an issue in political life. If she had any questions about that last spring, she only had to make a call to Silda Spitzer.

No, Elizabeth Edwards had to be in some extraordinary form of denial and that's why she became her husband's "ambition enabler", when she supported his recent run for the presidency. My belief is that after almost thirty years of marriage she too had become so invested in his political ambitions, his cause, that she couldn't give up either, even after he cheated and she knew there was a chance his affair could be reported in the mainstream press.

"His success, now defined her success, so she was willing to go along with the fraud that that their marriage was fine," believes psychologist Victoria Zdrok, currently working on a book titled," Dr. Z on Straying."

Think about it. The Edwards met in law school; She still wears the $11 wedding ring he gave her. He became a successful trial lawyer and then a member of the Senate. She pursued a law career too but ultimately gave it up to support his career and take care of their family. As a couple they experienced the worst of tragedies, the death of their 16 year-old son, and then they made the decision to have two more children. It's easy to understand why Elizabeth Edwards would feel that her marriage was worth salvaging after her spouses' episode of infidelity. It's the presidential campaign that is far harder to understand.

That's why I believe that it's because Elizabeth had made such an enormous personal commitment to her role as her husband's helpmate and as a potential first lady and had made so many sacrifices over the years in the interests of realizing those goals, that she was willing to risk public exposure.

Her terminal illness may actually have also played a role in her decision to publicly stand by her man and his presidential ambitions, according to Zdrok. "When we seek death, we often seek to achieve a symbolic immortality. And becoming a presidential wife could have been that for her."

In any case, Elizabeth Edwards was a victim when her husband cheated. She did nothing to deserve that and as a wife she had every right and many reasons to forgive the jerk. But the decision to stand behind him and publicly broadcast his staunch family values image was her own doing. As courageous and admirable as she has been in dealing with her cancer, she is now the latest member of the Publicly Humiliated Wives Club, and she has no right to complain about the public's interest in knowing exactly what has happened. She helped get herself in this situation.

Follow Bonnie Fuller on Twitter: www.twitter.com/bonniefuller

Comments

[Herrington]

There is a difference between a crack addict and a presidential candidate. The perennial, common place calculation of saving a person from recurrent self destructive behavior is far, far removed from the decision to forfeit a life’s work to the vagaries of public sensibilities. Elizabeth Edwards is in no way an enabler any more than Hillary Clinton is, any more than Eleanor Roosevelt, Mamie Eisenhower, Jackie Kennedy or even Rosalyn Carter. If their choices helped keep confidence in those leaders, they would have to be and have been judged as having made the right choices.

Whereas my wife says, Laura has enabled George W. Bush to start a war for no reason resulting in the death of 4000 Americans and costing the country its net worth? Is Laura to blame? Perhaps, but then John Edwards did not kill anyone, he simply disappointed some. And while his affair is a shame, it is not a condemnation of his life.

To Elizabeth she says, ‘ I am a survivor too, six years in remission. It is between you and your husband and the public and the press should be your last concern’.

[wolfgangmo]

Good post.

I personally blame Babs.

[trudem2]

Sorry, but I blame Liz too. First of all, she allowed herself to "go" long before being diagnosed with cancer and turned into a "frump" while married to an attractive, powerful, wealthy man who spent most of his work days in the company of young, good-looking women. Who wants to be married to someone who looks like your mother? That's what she asked Edwards to do, and how un-smart is that?? Secondly, she was aware of his liaison while he ran for prez the 2nd time....ye­t allowed him to, nay, was his major cheerleader for the job. She enabled and was complicit in putting forward this deceitful, fraud of a man....... and she did it with a lot of high falootin' moralizing and rhetoric. His motivation perhaps was ambition and power...bu­t what was hers???

[mm29464]

you are a first-class jerk and hater. elizabeth looks as good as if not better than most nearlyt 60 year old women. it is not her fault that her husband looks supernaturally boyish. if you ever had seen their wedding photo, you will realize that she was a drop-dead gorgeous woman back in the day. she didn't "let herself go", she aged like we all do. she even jokes about how she has aged and her husband hasn't. also i don't think elizabeth knew for certain until very recently about her husband's affair. as for her supposed "high falootin' moralizing and rhetoric", i don't know who you were listening to. she never acted that way. get over yourself.

[lewes17266]

i think she is a beautiful lady too
i am sick over this

[Yola]

Hers was the same, ambition and power. Elizabeth is pretty similar to Hillary; mixed in with the love is a lot of ambition and thirst for power.

[ebbtide]

Well, I don't know if she allowed herself to go. She had two babies when she was over fifty years old. Most women, look around you, when in their fifties begin to age. In the world of politics, women, from what I see, with few exceptions, try to look twenty, when the reality is they are aging. Bo toxed to death, collagen treatments, eye lifts, perhaps more than once---look at Katherine Harris as a prime example or Cindy McCain. I wonder if they can deduct these age defying treatments and surgeries from their taxes as a necessary uniform. Any how, it is the privelege of the rich and famous to aspire to look twenty -- and they are all rich. In the normal world, men , who are also aging (look at Edwards cute little belly that sticks out from under his suit Men who love their wives no matter what, are faithful to their wives and some even like their spouse's body as it ages normally. I think John the narcissist , saw Elizabeths normal aging as a crimp toward his image and his success. She looked like an ordinary , normal human being, while he fancied himself as a dapper, successful, extremely attractive debonaire. my two

[thegirlnextdoor]

I find all this Puritanical judging annoying and distracting. The real issue for any candidate should be their ability to present a political program and then to see that through when they are elected. All this pandering to salacious gossip is so beside the point.

[Rogue55]

Well said and I agree.

[Strepsi]

Except it's not beside the point, if your campaign or anti-poverty contributions are going to a $100,000 slush fund to provide a fake "job" for his mistress. It's sad and pathetic, and DEFINITELY distracting (McCain, that old adulterer himself, must be rubbing his hands in glee)... but it is public business.

[Yola]

McCain will not touch this. He will hope for this to disappear fasting than anyone else. People will start comparing what he did to his disabled wife. At least John Edwards stayed with his wife.

[ebbtide]

Do you think it might affect a president and his policies, if his choosing a concubine, may well be a security risk? That sounds silly, but the opportunity to bribe a president into some policy or other with the threat to reveal the affair, maybe even by his mistress, would work against the people of the country.

[notthistime]

then raise your concerns to McCain.

[EspressoAtNoon]

Stop blaming Elizabeth! She was the victim. Yes, her terminal cancer might have played a part in her decision-making, but likely it was in her deciding to help the person she still loved continue with his dream, despite her condition.

It's very hard to judge someone uless you've walked in their shoes. A person who is terminally ill is not interested in crap like being the first lady. They are interested in leaving their loved ones behind in the best of circumstances. Stop judging someone you know nothing about!

[Seral]

She should have stayed behind the scenes to not run away from the victim status towards the perpetrator status at the limit. The moment that she 'actively' became a part of a lie, part of a deceiving act, it is not fair to consider her as a victim. Not for the people that were deceived by their act. And, her illness should not be a reason to ignore that either. You are judged by how you live, and that way of living is being questioned right now.

[EspressoAtNoon]

I agree with what you've said, but then again people's personal familial problems are their business - in that despite their being in the public eye, they don't feel like they need to parade around their matrimonial dirty laundry.

People deal with these kinds of matters differently.

[ebbtide]

and the party be damned?

[notthistime]

ebbtide - a bit dramatic are we?

[meanguy]

"and the party be damned?"
----------­----------­----------­----------­----
are you SERIOUS???? judged next to family, marriage, health, happiness, pretty much ANYTHING that really matters in this life, ABSOLUTELY, "party be damned"

[UNCLEJOE]

I was dignosed with incurable Lymphma two years ago and medical statistics for this cancer gives me 8 more year of life.
How trivial all other social problems become when you know death is only a few days, months or years away.

Good people oftren make bad mistakes; this does no make them bad people.

[Seral]

'Good people oftren make bad mistakes; this does no make them bad people.'

Good point, but that does not mean you should close your eyes either, to such mistakes.

[notthistime]

but that does not mean you should close your eyes either, to such mistakes.

She did not close her eyes. I am sure the she thought about everything, and based on her personal experiences and convictions she decided to forgive.

[kbuffler42]

I would rather vote for you for president. Knowing the fragile nature of life does change your perspective. I wish you well.

[elcojonu]

Spouses have been cheating on each other since marriage was invented; what's the big deal.
Your status in life has nothing to do with it; peasants cheat on their spouses.
It's part of the human condition, like lying, being lazy, etc.
It'll always be with us.

[tanmany2k]

I can understand why Elizabeth Edwards stayed with John Edwards. Their younger children have been dealt so many body blows that no one could control. They see pictures and hear stories of a brother that died. Their mother has had cancer and chemo and is now dealing with stage 4 cancer. They have had to be afraid and worried about their mom. The kids have had to hit the campaign trail many times. They need security in their parents right now and it's unfortunate for the kids. I don't believe John Edwards time line. I can understand Elizabeth doing anything to make her kids feel secure and loved. I don't think that she could leave because there would have been more disruption in the kids lives.

But Elizabeth should never have been his biggest supporter after she learned the truth. I can't understand that. It was a disservice to her. It was a disservice to the John Edwards supporters.

Their ambition is wrong and their priorities are out of order. If John Edwards won the nomination then the Presidential election would have been lost for the Democrats. They were very wrong and self-serving.

I do not understand Elizabeth's action. I hope they can work it out with love and not an overwhelming desire to hold a political position.

[hawkseye]

Narcissists can't get anyplace without ennablers.

[RRK70]

I don't know. What made Jackie Kennedy think that her husband could cheat, or Mrs. King, or Eleanor Roosevelt, or Cindy McCain, or Mrs. Vitter, or Mrs. Guiliani? I guess they're all weak women that were (or are) enabling their husbands.

Elizabeth Edwards has the right to react however she pleases without being labeled weak or an enabler. Maybe she made her decisions for the sake of her children? I do know she is an adult and capable of making her own decisions without being pilloried by the media (or blogosphere)
This matter is a private matter, and this matter is a moot point since Edwards is no longer in the race.

[sueno]

Leave her in peace-

[andhakari]

People have affairs. People lie about them. That is just the way it is, the way it always has been.
That doesn't mean people don't want to continue with their lives and ambitions. Some moralists would have us believe that we must all be protected from exposure to human nature, but I think it's better to accept it and move on.

[Billie]

I wonder if John Edwards realizes that when he calls himself a narcissist he is admitting to a Cluster B personality disorder. A mental illness, in fact. One of the major traits is lack of empathy. So he is admitting, for example, that his concern for the poor is really fake.

Everyone has healthy narcissistic traits, but destructive (or malignant) narcissism, NPD, is an awful coldness of personality that idealizes, devalues and then discards others as merely inhuman objects. I wish people would stop throwing around this word when what i suspect he means is selfishness. For anyone who has suffered a parent, sibling, friend or spouse with NPD, the suffering is tremendous. The shallow use of the word doesn't help building awareness.

[mairs]

It's strange, but true Narcissists can often appear larger than life, better than others in some moral or selflessly giving way, but only because they are trying so hard to accrue rank, accolades, and superiority in the eyes of others. And it's all a sham. I've also wondered how he's using the term.

[kbuffler42]

If you charted the personality of everyone who believes they are"qualified" to be POTUS I'm sure you would find a great many who demonstrate traits of "mental illness" (what ever that is) and maybe that would lead to some important considerations about what mental illness really is and reduce the stigma.

[sib]

Obviously the joke is on the supporters of Edwards campaign. The guy cheated and the wife supported with the full knowledge of Clinton and Lewinsky scandal.
The real victims here are the supporters of his campaign.

[kbuffler42]

Victims, my Aunt Minnie! We "support" candidates because we hope what we hear and see is what we will get. There are no guarantees. There are no victims here, just human beings dealing with the intrusiveness of the media into their private lives. Leave them alone and stop whining!

[bluebirder]

This article is a fine example of the damage that has been to our collective intellect and perceptive faculties as a result of pop-psychology. What we read at Huff Po and elsewhere in the media in articles like this one is an example of the greatest mistaken conceit - that we really know anything whatsoever about what goes on behind the closed doors of others, something I sense is particularly untrue when it comes to politicians. Doing this kind of light analysis is harmful. Deeming Edwards a "narcissist" because he had an affair and claiming that represents a deep personality flaw? A politician on the campaign trail is 1) at the center of attention and 2) spending nearly all their time on the road away from their spouse. Having an affair seems like a very normal, human reaction to that stress and loneliness. But let's take it a bit further - politicians are basically just brands these days - well cultivated presentations of memes that are thought to work. How are we to know what the nature of the relationship between the Edwards' really is? or the Clintons? or the Obamas, etc.? Marriages of convenience built on shared ambition rather than passionate love? Seems pretty likely to me. Could we please stop getting fooled again and again by believing we know jacksh*t about the private lives of others? Do you still trust politicians and ignore the cognitive dissonance of the maelstrom of illusion and dishonesty that now dominates the political

[Fabienne]

bluebirder, very good comment.

[Amilius]

bluebinder, Thanks for the voice of reason lacking in the rest of the commentary in the MSM and, sadly, here. It's sad to see the vapid assessments and commentary on what purports to be a PROGRESSIVE website. There is no progress in judgment or recrimination.

[ceti]

Exactly, people love to get caught up in the dramas of public personalities, while the world around themselves collapses. This pointification and pop-psychology induced moralizing keeps them distracted from the real issues -- I guess here for both the liberals and conservatives. Meanwhile, the destruction of this country and this world marches on.

[mm29464]

thank you

[JQ]

John Edwards, himself, said that he was "egocentric" and "narcissistic" in reference to the whole affair. That's why the author of this piece calls him a "self-admitted" narcissist.

[bluebirder]

And John Edwards is a presenter of memes that are strategic and which operate within the collective intellect/­consciousn­ess that has been strongly influenced by the anemic (and old testament equivalent) judgments of Dr. Phil et al. So what's your point?

[Patrick McCabe]

If John Edwards became the presumptive Democratic Presidential Candidate . . . Elizabeth would have realized her argument for privacy would have sound ridiculous. It is all about the timing.

The Edwards and the Democrats were spared that imbroglio. Elizabeth put her heart before her head and now God Bless her even more . . . she has a lot to deal with as dribs and drabs will bring the whole of her husband's infidelity to be known and judged.

The end will seem forever.

[gwhizz]

If JE had become the presumptive candidate, this would be an entirely different story.