Men have actually told me today that Sandra Bullock should take part of the blame for Jesse James cheating -- because she left him alone while she filmed her hit movies Blind Side and The Proposal.
I nearly fell over when one of my closest male friends actually said that. I hadn't pegged him for a Neanderthal.
"Men need sex. You can't leave a horny guy like Jesse James alone for months at a time, he'll get up to no good," the friend insisted. "The same thing happened to Elizabeth Edwards and Elin Nordegren -- they let their husbands travel too much by themselves. They shouldn't have allowed their men to be tempted!"
"Sandra Bullock should have known that she wasn't Jesse's normal 'type.' He clearly had been attracted to strippers, porn stars, women with tattoos and implants. She should have known men don't change," another male friend opined to me.
Shockingly, a third male friend snapped that Sandra shared the blame.
"She was probably so engrossed in her career - she was making out with Ryan Reynolds in The Proposal- and then she was campaigning for the Oscar, Jesse felt neglected."
Wow! I felt slapped in the face.
Weirdly, this particular cheating situation seems to have empowered men to actually say what they've probably thought about who's to blame, all along. It must be something about Jesse's obvious bad boy image versus John Edwards' and Tiger Woods' seeming propriety, that set them off.
This surprising male reaction made me start feeling insecure and I wondered if Elizabeth Edwards, Elin Nordegren, Sandra Bullock and I are just naive about what really goes on inside the male brain and umm...nether areas!
After all, haven't social anthropologists decided that men really can't help themselves from straying because they are biologically programmed to spread their seed around, in order to propagate their genes.
To hear why Jesse really doesn't have a leg to stand on, click here.
Here's more from HollywoodLife.com:
Jesse's Girls: Sandra Bullock Vs. Michelle McGee!
Sandra Bullock Is The Latest Victim Of The Best Actress Curse!
Tiger Woods: Texting Two Mistresses At the Same Time!
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If you've ever complained that your man doesn't "get" you, it may surprise you to find out that you don't "get" him either.
I guarantee that if you pay attention, you will be able to discern the base character of the person you think you have a committment with. If he/she doesn't hesitate to lie/steal/cheat/omit the truth when it suits him/her - especially on little meaningless things.....they will also cheat on your if they are given the opportunity.
I travel a lot for business and have observed that married women will also cheat when the opportunity presents itself...and more women have opportuities than ever.
Pay attention and don't assume that someone means what they say to you if you are in a relationship with them.
She is not some teenage girl falling in love for the first time, is she?
She romanticized the person Jesse James and their relationship. Believing something is true when you have all the evidence to the contrary is naive. I do feel badly for her and all of the humiliation that her husband's cheating has caused her but she without a doubt was gullible and should have known better - the writing was on the wall but she chose to look away and in that regard she has to accept the responisibilty for the error of her judgement.
Problems start though, when the image becomes reality.
Don't generalize about men. Sounds like the men in your life are pretty shallow and sexually immature. If you spoke to any grown up men you would have heard something like this: "Guys like Jesse James are bad news, period. He's probably incapable of fidelity for any extended period and probably would have cheated regardless of how much he was getting at home."
Thank you, Dr. Louann Brizendine.
To say that monogamy affects both partners equally or is asking the same sacrifice is nonsense.
"Okay, it's time to talk to you about The Male Brain -- woman to woman.
It's a lot more like the female brain than you might have guessed. We both have the same brain areas and we make the same hormones. But the size of brain areas and the amount of certain hormones can differ quite a bit. You may not be surprised to hear that the male brain area for sexual pursuit is 2.5 times larger than the one in the female brain."
I think you are confusing fidelity with monogamy. Infidelity is breaking one's word.
But, questioning why that promise is demanded and whether the sacrifice involved is equal is not the same as saying people should break their word.
Asking for an unequal sacrifice is a bad way to start a relationship and we often see the results.
It is not about who is to blame for the breaking down of the relationship.You were not there to know that. We don't even know if there was any break down.Sometimes, people cheat because it happens; it is completely not planned, it's not due to a bad marriage, it's a random event.But...This whole scenario is wrong because Sandra apparently did not know about the affair and was shocked by the information, which is not fair and is devastating in itself, and also because cheating is wrong, regardless of the reason. Marriage is not for sissies. It takes tremendous maturity, patience, forgiveness, optimism, selflessness, understanding, and very many common interests, values, and so on. No one knows why he did what he did, but does it matter? It was wrong.I hope she will not accept an apology. Let him get what he went after and keep it. She needs to be very strong, and walk away.Let's see if it was worth it for him...I doubt it.There's trash, and there's class. Some guys prefer the former, and so they should be left to wallow in it ad nauseum.
I read he pursued her, what did he want with and from her instead of his usual fare?
Seriously, I not infrequently consider myself fortunate when I know what's going on in my life.
I'll say the same thing this blogger would probably say if the genders were reversed: he probably wasn't getting something he needed at home so he figured it was time to branch out. Now in my mind one should never cheat on one's spouse, but you don't get to make up the rules as you go along. Relationships are rarely that simple.
It's generally a litmus test for me. I won't get romantically involved with people who make excuses for cheating or who have done it themselves in adulthood. At the most basic level, such is a good indicator of a lack of confidence that manifests itself in destructive ways which I simply can't respect, nor do I have the time to bother with. I'm generally amazed by the volume of people I encounter who condone or partake in such selfishness. But, no, it's hardly just a guy thing.
What makes you think ANY of them wanting to leave their relationships?
By all indications, they did not.
Jesse, Tiger, you name the guy all seem to have been and claim to have been very happy with their wives.
They wanted to have sex with other women or a different type of sex.
That does not mean that they did not love their wives, kids, family, etc. If they did not care about their families, they could have had a divorce lawyer send a fax to their wives and gone on to whatever woman they wanted.
They did not.
It's a plain and simple fact that for the most part Women that cheat always can find a way to rationalize it and go on, but when a man does the exact thing he for the most part is a dog. If anyone has not noticed that, they either simply refuse to recognize it for various reasons, or just maybe feel they shouldn't say anything for a reason known only to them and one other person.
Men and Women both cheat. The only difference is that although women want to be seen as just as sexual as men, they don't want to be held to the same standard.
Early in relationships men often think of sex as a reward. And it is frequently presented as such. Sometimes in obvious ways, sometimes more subtle. From the male perspective at least, being selected as sex partner involves placing some value on themselves. After all, why would she have sex with me instead of someone else? Add to that things like flirting or wearing sexy clothing; this is gift-giving behavior whether it’s intended that way or not. And in relationships, those are the first things to be abandoned in a couple’s sex life. What neither the man nor woman often recognizes, particularly in couples that have frequent sex, is that this is just as important as the sex. And once it’s gone, once sex becomes something the woman endures rather than invites (if only from the man’s perspective), he will start to think about ways to get that feeling somewhere else. Because once a reward center is activated in the brain, its absence always leaves vacuum. Ask any ex-smoker, they’ll tell you.
Yes... and I suspect that's why so many men are opposed to any form of birth control, from contraception all the way up through abortion, or even miscarriage.
Men who aren't hung up on God telling them they own women are ALL for birth control, etc.
But again, people need to get rid of this myth. It is damaging to society. GENES DO NOT CONTROL HUMAN THOUGHT! Even if I have a predisposition to violence that does not mean I will choose to be violent.