Ho Ho Oh No — It's Jen's Giant Christmas Crisis!
Angelina wouldn't help cook the Pitt family turkey. She may be a UN Goodwill ambassadress willing to fly into Iraq and Darfur to make the world more aware of human suffering. But I've learned that the bottom line is she doesn't cook, especially in the Pitt family kitchen, and she doesn't do dishes either.
And that, as any woman with a critical mother-in-law will tell you, is what really holds sway when it comes to family gatherings. So while Brad may have insisted that Angie and the kids jet into Springfield, Missouri to have Thanksgiving with his family, it was doomed to backfire. The man can donate $5 million to build 150 eco-friendly houses for displaced victims of Katrina doing oodles of good, but he still can't make his mom like Angelina.
Now, Star magazine has learned that Thanksgivingate at the Pitts was so much the pits that his mother, Jane, is pulling the first wife card. She has invited Brad's ex, Jen Aniston, who she still considers family, to spend Christmas in Missouri. Brad may be over Jen, but Brad's mom isn't. And poor Jen who doesn't get along with her own mom, just might take her up on that offer. Naturally, Angelina is going postal over that. Talk about World War III.
Now, I can absolutely sympathize with Angelina on this one. I have to admit that even though I produced four grandchildren, showed up occasionally for Shabbat dinners and never got even one tattoo, I still never felt like I quite got that golden seal of M-I-L (mom-in-law) approval either. Nevertheless, Star readers are a harsher bunch than I. In a new poll, they are overwhelmingly on Jane Pitts' side — 77% would choose Jen over Angie as the guest they most want to have to their Christmas dinners. They probably figure that with all that yoga and aerobicizing Jen's been up to she'll be able to lift a turkey or clear the table in a way that skeletal Angelina simply can't.
Angie shouldn't feel too badly though — she isn't nearly the least desired female Christmas guest, not by a long shot. As you might have suspected the often x-rated Britney gets that honor. After all, who's going to invite a girl who might shave off her hair in your soup, take an umbrella to your car and flash your significant other with her pantyless parts?
Surprisingly, her reformed ex-husband K-dad is still Star readers' least welcome male Christmas guest, beating out Simon Cowell who might tell you that the food you slaved over "just isn't good enough." K-Fed's also way more unwanted than Brit's runnerup, Rosie O'Donnell. My analysis is that the fear factor is at play with Rosie. Even if you aren't also having Donald Trump or Barbara Walters at your table, Rosie looks like she'd have a mighty strong windup with the dinner rolls if you got into a dustup with her. Duck!
As for me, we've taken a family vote and the Fullers aren't going to get in the middle of the Jen/Angelina holiday fray. We aren't inviting either of Brad's women to spend the holidays at our house. Instead, after heated debate, we've decided...we're inviting Zac Efron. I sure hope he comes!
OK, so let me know who you'd like to have or absolutely not have at your holiday dinner.
Follow Bonnie Fuller on Twitter: www.twitter.com/bonniefuller
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Brad is the one that Mrs. Pitt should be mad at. He had an affair while he was married, had a child out of wedlock, and is shacking up with a woman and her 3 children. What a great role model. I wouldn't want my son to follow in his footsteps.
His mother is insulting him and using Jen as a prop to attack Jolie. I agree with the previous opinion- Pitt should read his mother the riot act and she should accept Jolie as she is, as he does. Jennifer should politely decline and go to Courtney's house (if invited). How does all these details make it into the press, though?.... Unless they're not true.
I feel like I need a shower after reading this. And for the record: neither women are saints. Both have had numerous plastic surgerys. They're both fake as hell. And neither speak to their parents. In short: they're both full of shit! Brad's caught in the middle of it and being pussy wipped he's in a conundrum.
Brad's mom - stunt puller.
Jen's class move - decline.
Brad and Angelina's class move - give up on the old bat. Easy for A; rough on B.
Ya know what I say, Mom knows best, and in this case seems she is right. Color Brad clueless in the companion sweepsteaks, looks like he choose a loser.
So this is an ad/trailer for the upcoming issue of Star in the form of a blog?
Lame.
I would want some down to earth hippy freaks at my xmas, like Woody Harrelson and Willy Nelson. That way you know if the trees are blazing, its not a bad thing.
Okay, I'll bite: I'd like to invite for Christmas dinner:
Viggo Mortensen, to discuss his anti-war views, poetry, horses, etc (and yes, he's _fine_!)
Stevie Wonder, Michael McDonald and Patti LaBelle: To SING, of course!
Patrick Stewart, to read Shakespeare (yes, Captain Picard is also a classically-trained actor)
Desmond Tutu, to talk about peace (and to hear him roll his 'R's! )
Mr. and Mrs. Dennis Kucinich - because they seem fascinating.
Ralph Nader: Ditto, and because having lived six years in Connecticut, I don't hear that accent in Southern California much!
Amy Goodman, because she has more journalism in the _tip_ of her little finger than all the combined MSM!
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Sorry - I'm in the wrong section !
One last comment, dear old Bonnie -
Why is it the Star never writes stories about Aniston's estrangement from her own family? She hasn't spoken to her mother for a lot longer than Jolie hasn't spoken to Jon Voight! On top of which, the reason she's not speaking to her mother is absolutely ridiculous! So her mother wrote an autobio and said Aniston wasn't very pretty. The truth shall set you free - even if it hurts!
What you people should be asking is this - why is Aniston so insistent on TRYING to cling to the Pitts instead of mending her own familial relationships? She has a father she barely speaks to, but will trot out when she needs a photo-op at the premiere for one of her bad movies. She's got an older step-brother that she pretends doesn't exist because he's 10 years older than she is and can't do anything for her career. And she's got a younger step-brother that she ignores because she resents their father always being in the boy's life when he abandoned her and her mother.
So why not slap Aniston's ghosts on your front cover the same way you do with Jolie? Don't answer - it's a rhetorical question. The answer is this - BECAUSE NOBODY CARES ABOUT JENNIFER ANISTON'S FAMILY! No, what you care about is that Angelina Jolie is a magnetic personality - love her or hate her - you can't deny that the woman has charisma to spare. It's too bad she can't bottle it and sell some to Aniston. Because as hard as Jen tries to make people care about her life - she has no life of her TO care about. And that's very sad and pathetic. So let's just throw Aniston a life-long Pity Party and be done with it. All she inspires is boredom...because she herself is devoid of personality and redefines the word "boring".
Golly, Bonnie, isn't this THE EXACT SAME THING YOU PEOPLE AT STAR RAG CLAIMED FOR THANKSGIVING? Aniston was all by her lonesome - again! - and nowhere near Missouri, let alone Springfield on Thanksgiving.
And it turned out that J-Ps spent Thanksgiving in LA and had always planned to do so. A fact which Star was fully aware of when they went to press with the ridiculous story of Aniston spending Thanksgiving in Springfield. Heck, there were even photos of Angie's brother Jamie loading pies into his car! He had previously stated on the Beowulf red carpet in LA that HE was spending Thanksgiving with the J-Ps and Angie even admitted she was going to try to cook a turkey at that same Beowulf premiere! ROTFLMAO! Sheesh...you finally get a quote directly from the horse's mouth and you ignore it. No shock there. Why tell the truth when lies sell more of your trashy rags?
I realize you people at the Star, and the other American Media rags, are in the business of making money and really don't give a rat's furry behind who and what you lie about...BUT...could you at least vary your stories occasionally? I mean, come on, show some creativity for crying out loud! You guys have been doing this same song-and-dance about Aniston spending (fill in the blank) holiday with the Pitts and how they can't stand Angie. They can't stand Angie so much that Brad's brother Doug is working with them on their Jolie-Pitt Foundation projects. They can't stand them so much that the elder Pitts fly to New Orleans, Santa Barbara, Chicago, New York City, and L.A. to be with the Jolie-Pitts.
You people can lie all you want, but in the end - Jen is still alone and NOT part of the Pitt family, never will be again and will spend yet another holiday horning in on yet another Coquette family gathering. Ho. Hum.
is this the same person who said those awful things about AJ before...if it is-
what is your problem?
What the F - Who cares -
and if I WAS having to choose I would much prefer AJ - she seems fascinating and a free spirit ---- she's traveled the whole world and has met so many interesting people I would love to hear about her experiences .....
this whole discussion is ridiculous...the only reason I chimed in is because I am sick of hearing this crap. Both BP and AJ have, and continue to give so much to those most in need. I am humbled by their commitment and passion.....
Thanks to both of them keep up the good work!
peace and good fortune to both BP, AJ and their family-
And good luck with the project Brad in New Orleans -it is an inspired idea -lets try to focus on what really matters people
peace is what we need - pass it on!!!!
I'd take AJ over JA anyday.
Jen seems like a selfish pot-head, and not real bright.
At least Angelina would be interesting.
Plus, why are they doing their own dishes? Brad can't hire some help for his Mom for the cleanup and prep work?
I'm not usually a masochist, but since it's in the interest of really stellar (or potentially incendiary) dinner conversation, I'd have at my table:
George Carlin, Bill Maher, Richard Belzer, Tony Blair and Ice-T. (Yes, wives or girlfriends, and their opinions, would be welcome at the table, too.) Dann Florek, Gilbert Gottfried and Mario Cantone are also on my A-List.
This way, I could be assured of laughter, in between the pointed barbs and strong opinions.
It would be such a refreshing change from the usual banal family chitchat, or everyone being forced to listen to my brother blather throughout the entire meal about how what a wonderfully talented genius he is. (He's none of those things.)
Just give me W. C. Fields as a guest anytime.
Folks I'd like to share a holiday meal with:
Rosie 'O Donnell--think she's real, funny, and would light up the room
Paul Newman--reminds me of my Dad
Rachel Carson--spoke truth to power and maintained her dignity and integrity to the end
Jon Stewart--he makes me melt and is so smart.
P.S. Think Jimmy Stewart was in "Its a Wonderful Life", not Henry Fonda.
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