Naked Jen's Delicious Revenge on Brangelina!

Looking hot is the best revenge!

That's clearly the strategy that Jen Aniston has finally settled on after watching Angelina bewitch her ex-husband Brad...and the rest of the world.

And thank the Lord, Jen. Going into battle unabashedly nude with a body toned to perfection, is a far superior strategy against Brangelina than the endless whining that has been your hallmark style since your post-marital split.

Now everyone knows that Jen's body truly is a wonderland. Playing the "poor, sad Jen" role would never make Brad eat his heart out. And we all know, Jen, that making Brad second guess his decision to leave you has been your goal all along.

Every woman who's ever been dumped understands this. No matter how much time passes or how fabulous your new boyfriend, you always want your ex to yearn to have you back... and your ex's new love interest to feel sick about it.

What better way to achieve this than to have the entire male global population drooling?

Everyone, even in Brangelina-land, would notice that.

It's the only offense that Jen could take. She can't compete against Angie's glamorous earth mother routine, which has so effectively hypnotized Brad.

After all he's talked more than once about wanting to have nine kids — " we're looking for a soccer team," he has said.

That left Jen with unabashed sexuality as the only way to go. "Her old look was victim. She looked like a sad puppy dog. Now she's powerful — she's realized that she's a sexy goddess," says Match.com relationship expert Whitney Casey, the author of the new book, The Man Plan: Drive Men Wild...Not Away!

It's also Jen's reputation game changer. She has needed to irrevocably change the public perception about her, as a spurned wife.

"This says, 'I'm a beautiful, sexy woman, hear me roar... now go see my new movie,'" points out psychotherapist, Dr. Jenn Berman.

Nudity has also been a career-enhancer for Jen in the past. It was a Rolling Stone cover showing her lying on a bed, with a bare exposed tush, that first set her up as the "friend' to watch on the show that introduced her to the world. Later, post the Brad divorce, she had a memorable scene in the $100 million film, "The Break Up," in which she strolled naked past her co-star Vince Vaughn, as he regretted their split in the movie.

The price of all this gorgeousness has not been cheap. Jen's monthly regimen to tone and tighten her body with private instruction from top LA yoga guru, Mandy Ingber, and other personal trainers, costs over $3,000 a month, according to the National Enquirer, and I believe them.

She apparently has a private chef, preparing only high-protein, low-fat organic meals for $3,500 a month. She reportedly had a nose job, courtesy of Beverly Hills plastic surgeon Dr. Raj Kanodia, for about $12,000. She has anti-cellulite spa sculpting treatments for $1,000 a session, twice a month, and regular spray tanning sessions, which cost about $90 a pop.

Yes, that may add up to an investment of well over $400,000 in the four years since Brad and Ange first met on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

But, the value of knowing that Brad's jaw dropped when he saw her nude GQ cover: PRICELESS!

For more about Jen the Nudist follow Bonnie on Twitter at www.twitter.com/bonniefuller.

Comments

[Turquoise]

I just have an observation.. Behind all the headline and the hype, I see loads of this magazine on the racks.. Sorry but I guess it is not selling.. Maybe she could have left a bit to the mystery of the mind..But now that everything is out there.. Nothing to wonder and to read about Jen..

[rocky12000]

Brad. . Brad. . . Brad. . . WHAT WERE YOU THINKING! Sad for you !

[trixtah]

I presume the author works in the media. Has she not heard of Photoshopping? Is she not aware of the fact that *each and every* image in a glossy magazine has been manipulated and retouched?

" Going into battle unabashedly nude with a body toned to perfection.... Now everyone knows that Jen's body truly is a wonderland..."

I'm sure Ms Aniston has a body that is much more buffed and toned than the norm, especially considering the sums she's expended on it. But to assert it's "perfection" and without cellulite, while going purely on the "evidence" in the glossy magazines, is just ridiculous.

[standforpeace]

Christ, I certainly hope that this woman is not living her life making decisions about what she eats, how she excercises, what happens to her nose, and what poses she will strike on magazine covers in the hopes of somehow affecting Brad Pitt. If she is still as caught up in whatever happened with her ex husband several years ago as you seem to be, that is incredibly sad. I hope rather that she lives her life based on what is best for her now, not in some lame attempt to make Pitt feel regret or anything else.

[wiseraven]

I want Jen to quit making herself look so desperate, and to quit talking about Brangelina. Maybe then, people would believe that she is over Brad...until then, she is stil acting like a woman scorned, which is soooooo unattractive...now, back to more important matters, like climate change, war, and the imminent economic collapse!

[SaltySaltillo]

A lot has happened since Jen and Brad split. Brad is a father. For most people, becoming a parent changes everything. I have a feeling Brad is not sitting around fretting about the visual appearance of his ex right now...

[karela]

Perhaps Jen looked like "eat your heart out Brad" to the author, but to me she looked as she has looked for some time: insecure, rather pitiable, exposed---a woman who watches time pass but does not grow. While Jen has marked time by focusing on her body, Both Brad and Angie have grown. They both have worked in their professions and they have increased their family. But even more importantly, they have both used their fame and their own personal energy to help people and causes in remarkable ways. They are both physically beautiful people, but that is not all they are. They never mention Jen. I doubt that they spend much time thinking about her. Their lives are too full of meaning and their days are too full of giving of themselves for the good of others. I could wish for Jen that she be healed of her shallowness and learn how to give to others. All this time and money and energy spent just staring in a mirror really can't compare with the beauty that comes from being a complete and giving human being. I doubt that anyone looking at side by side pictures of Jen and Angie would fine either difficult to look at. But after you began talking with the two actual women, one's heart would glow brighter and increase her beauty. It wouldn't be Jen. Narcissism is really only very attractive to the person who is afflicted with it.

[Deli]

So well put. The last word on the subject.

[artsandminds]

I have read on Huffpost for the last few days many comments complaining that gays were making too much about the Rick Warren selection, and should just move on, then to see all this ridiculous pontification here about something that will effect so few of the rest of America, well seems pretty hypocritical, but that"s nothing new. American's can fret over what Angela and Brad's baby will look like, but talk about civil rights for homosexuals...

[MBryant]

Cool. Jennifer Anniston has no problem being eye candy. if this is something she likes to do, I certainly don't mind seeing it.

Why do we have to endlessly work over the possiblity of her psycho-emotional struggle with Brad and Angelina and this and that?

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie seem pretty happy - inspite of the constant paparrazi attention. Jennifer Anniston seems like she's had a few relationships along the way too.

What are we to glean from this column that has any meaning? I"m 51 (male if it matters) and I was dumped five years ago by my now ex of 20 years and I'm still not over it. But appearing nude on the cover of a magazine isn't exactly an option for me - if it would even make sense in any way except satire.

These celebs are not even characteristic of others - Jennifer Anniston has the money and fame to run off with John Mayer to Barbados or wherever.

Let her do it and have fun.

[seadickrun]

When I saw the cover of GQ, one word came to mind - airbrush.

Which do you think Brad finds hotter? Naked Aniston or barefoot pregnant Jolie?

[momoko]

Geesh... Jen is hot for her age, but Brad didn't leave because of her hotness.... have you heard her talk... bag of air. Seriously Brad can have any hot girls he wants, but he has grown out of it long time ago, it takes a little more than just hotness for him.

[LeftLeftLeft]

I don't want to watch Anniston do the slide . . . but it looks like that is where she might be headed.

[Mama4Obama08]

Jen is desperate. She is posing nude this time around to get a rise out of the 'Brangelina Bunch'. It would take an idiot to not see that Jen never got over Brad and she will most likely spend the rest of her days trying to get him back. Jen can pose nude for any magazine in the world, walk around town naked or even walk up to Brad naked and shove it in his face, but Brad knows who he wants and that is Angelina. Jen can not compare to Angelina. She doesn't come close. Angelina is in a class of her own and is one of the most beautiful women in the world, in my opinion. Jen needs to move on and quit making a fool out of herself. Brad and Angelina are solid. Perhaps Jen needs therapy more than she needs the nose job, or whatever else she does to herself. Get over it Jen, Brad loves Angie and his children he has with her. Get over it.

[BlackJAC]

If Brad "wants" Angelina so much, why hasn't he decisively ended the whole perceived debacle and married her by now? Why does he persist in leaving himself that legal escape hatch of simply being Angie's baby daddy rather than her husband? What could there be about her that makes him not want to meet her at the altar?

Perhaps you and the rest of the "We Reflexively Hate Jennifer Aniston Just Because" crowd should accept that you're the ones keeping this alleged feud going, probably to distract from your side's own shortcomings.

[Deli]

Angelina is the one who is resisting marriage. Brad has tried to force the issue many times.

[betttyrubble]

I don't think nudity is empowering; I think it's gratuitous and narcissistic. The best success is to be happy and to do great work--and to do this all the while keeping your mouth shut. Trust that the world sees through Brangelina. They already went on record multiple times lying about their relationship.

The rest of us voyeurs need to know that EVERYTHING is image. If some people really wanted to make the world a better place, they wouldn't make violent, stupid movies in order to justify their philanthropy.

Lastly--to anyone who's ever been devastated by the lies, fantasy (the other woman mirage), etc, just remember: you can't build your happiness on other people's sorrow.

Bottom line, you have to live with yourself!

And to keep your mouth shut. This battle-of-the-narcissists isn't cool. Re: Angelina and Brad. They're liars and remember:

[CleoJones90]

Why are you comparing so-called actresses to aging supermodels heading towards 50?

More power to Alt showing she still 'has it,' (face & bod) - but supposedly successful actresses who've been in the business for 15 years amassing 100 mil TV fortunes, unlike unemployed middle-aged models, are supposed to have amassed a career, reputation and certainly enough money - to not need to do it - it reeks of desperation. At the end of the day, Alt's nude shots are more empowering as she is saying - 'Hey, I've still got it - and am proud to show it to you - please hire me.' In other words, she has a reason for doing it that will lead to self-empowerment, i.e., money, film roles, fashion shoots perhaps. But what's Aniston's motivation? Isn't she supposed to have that already? If she doesn't -that's her own fault - and speaks to her lack of talent /ability since she's had opportunities and apparently squandered them? Alt is in a business, where it's solely about how she looks. Alt's showing she still looks great despite advancing age - again an empowering move. But why would Aniston need that? I don't see Cox or Kudrow dropping trou?

Why are you challenging Angelina to do a straight up goofball comedy? Maybe she hates them, and has no desire to do them. Perhaps Aniston is sitting around praying for Will Farrell to give her a call about Talledega Nights 3, but I guarantee you Angelina, Charlize and

[BlackJAC]

Interesting how Carol's full-frontal nudity is "empowering" but Jen's covering-just-enough-to-avoid-indecent-exposure-charges nudity despite the eight-year age gap between the two "reeks of desperation" in your opinion.

You also failed to define what constitutes "successful." Is it money raked in at the box office (SCARFACE was a box office bomb)? Is it awards (Anthony Hopkins has zero Oscars)? Is it impact on society (Jen started a hairstyle trend)?

I threw down the comedy gauntlet because comedy is really hard to pull off well. It requires the audience to think, and the actor to remain calm and credible in the face of all that absurdity. It's something Jen does well, so if Angie can't or won't do it...

[BlackJAC]

And once again we see that it's really the gossip tabloids that are the ones who haven't gotten over this reality TV version of AMERICA'S SWEETHEARTS. Carol Alt just posed for PLAYBOY at the age of 47 yet there was no corresponding tizzy from the gossipmongers. Could it be because there's no built-in soap opera melodrama in Carol's life to exploit for circulation/profit like there is in Jen's?

I challenge Angie to do a straight-up goofball comedy to show off those vaunted acting skills, if nothing else for the paycheck to keep all those kids supported. And no, saying it's beneath an Oscar winner doesn't count because she did WANTED, GONE IN 60 SECONDS, and SKY CAPTAIN AND THE WORLD OF TOMORROW.