02/21/2008 12:19 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Suri, Shiloh, Violet and Lourdes — Why Celeb Kids Really Are More Special Than Our Kids!

I can tell you absolutely and definitively that star kids are not just like our kids.

This is what our kids do: They holler bloody murder in small, confined spaces like airplanes. I know because I've been there. Just this week I took a five-hour flight with a couple of my kids, thanking the heavens that they were finally past that screaming baby stage.

Well, my kids may have been past it but this angelic little red-head 2008-02-21-starcoversuri.jpg nine-month old in the back row wasn't. He was angelic-looking for five minutes while he slept as the plane took off. Then, once we were airborne, he let loose. And he didn't let up until we had touched down. His exhausted mother who tried everything looked like she was going to commit hari kari by the time we landed.

Now, have you ever seen a celebrity mother look anything less than totally blissful when she's been out with her kids (Britney Spears excluded)? Furthermore, have you ever seen a celebrity infant, toddler or kid of any age having a public tantrum? You would know if it happened.

If dedicated paparazzi can capture Jennifer Garner squeezing melons in a supermarket, there's no way they would miss it if little Violet had a meltdown in FAO Schwarz.

Apparently Suri Cruise, despite being raised as a Scientologist on boiled barley juice and wearing $200 Burberry outfits, seems to be completely normal according to sources at Star magazine. Suri "gets anything and everything she wants, she never hears the word 'no,'" an insider reveals to Star.

Supposedly Scientologists don't believe in real discipline for their children, yet an insider tells the magazine that Suri is still "extremely well behaved." Now what would happen if we didn't discipline our kids? It's too scary to even comprehend. I feel like I never stop disciplining mine — time outs, no treats, go to your room, etc. — and yet my 7-year-old son still can't stop talking about "farting" when we attempt to take him out to a decent restaurant. 2008-02-21-surilittlelady.jpg All the shushing we do just makes him switch to burping.

Does Maddox do that? Brad and Ang tote him and his three siblings around the world — on private planes mind you, with at least three, maybe four full-time nannies.

Nevertheless, Mad seems to be able to adapt effortlessly to three French lycee schools in Prague, New Orleans and New York City, all within the space of one year. Any parent that has had to detach a crazy glued child from their leg when they had to deliver them to just one school, knows that that is just not normal.

There must be some secret Hollywood fairy dust that only celebrities can buy at the Fred Segal boutique that makes their kids red-carpet ready at birth. Maybe they get the special code to buy it because they have the luxury of scheduling just one project a year like Reese Witherspoon, who finds kids are great because they help her only do work she's "inspired' by since she'd rather be with Ava and Deacon.

Yes, we can relate. If we made $12 million a movie we'd definitely only do work we wore inspired by, too.

And then our kids would also not say "butt" every other word, could have their own stylists like Madonna's daughter Lourdes, and would also have a chance to be Miss Golden Globe, like Rumer Willis (if only the writer's strike didn't blow their chances).

Well at least one of my children has something in common with an A-list cover kid. Apparently Suri doesn't go to bed until 11 p.m. Well it's 9:53 and counting and my 7-year-old is still bouncing off the walls. How I see it now, he's not mission impossible, he was just meant for Hollywood.


For more celebrities, gossip, news, and photos, visit