|
||
Tina Turner to Rihanna: Leave Chris Brown Now!
Rihanna needs to ignore the uproar over the release of the photos of her bruised and battered face. Yes, that was a terrible invasion of her privacy. The LAPD look like Keystone Cops, allowing such sensitive evidence to be leaked to the press.
As Robert Rotenberg, a criminal attorney and author of the new crime thriller, City Hall, told me, "Those pictures were taken for a purpose--for a criminal case--not for public dissemination."
Nevertheless, Rihanna needs to focus on what matters most in her life right now--ending an allegedly abusive love affair with boyfriend Chris Brown.
If she doesn't take this opportunity to make a clean, full and forever break from Brown, she could end up stuck in a relationship which will likely become even more abusive.
Rihanna needs to learn from another beautiful, 
talented award-winning singer who endured 16 years of an abusive relationship in marriage--that's Tina Turner.
Turner's lover was also a famous musician and the partner in her entertainment career. She also became involved with him when she was very young, just 18 -- Rihanna had her 21st birthday on February 20th.
Tina ended up with a battered and bloody face like Rihanna. In her case, she finally made a decision to flee her relationship in 1976, and had to show her bruised face to the manager of a Ramada Inn in Dallas, in order to get a room to stay for free. She had escaped from Ike penniless and with nowhere to go.
Rihanna needs to ask herself "Do I want to spend years of my life, like Tina, trapped in a relationship so controlling that I could lose all my self-esteem and control over my own finances?" It could happen.
After Turner ran away, she spent years living on food stamps before being able to reignite her career. "My life...couldn't have gotten much lower," she told USA Today.
Unfortunately, there are reports that Rihanna, like many women in abusive relationships, isn't ready to give up on her boyfriend yet.
"She keeps saying she still loves him," a friend reports to Us Weekly.
Another friend told Star, that Rihanna has already forgiven Chris for the "misunderstanding," and she's reaching out to him through texts and phone calls.
Rihanna seems to believe #1, that Chris Brown's abuse was a one-time incident, unlikely to happen again and #2, that she is somewhat responsible for his attack.
As an editor who has printed many features on women who are victims of domestic abuse, in Glamour, Cosmopolitan, and Marie Claire, I can tell you that Rihanna's reactions are heartbreakingly familiar.
Most women who are victims of domestic violence have so little self esteem that they blame themselves for provoking their beatings. They believe that their own behavior invited the abuse, telling themselves: I'm "too demanding" "too needy" or "not attractive enough."
Tina talks in her bio on her tinaturner.com site about spending years trying not to make Ike angry.
Rihanna no doubt is telling herself that she made Chris angry. 
She's also apparently telling friends that she's worried about Chris.
"Rihanna says she doesn't want to make Chris look like a villain in all of this" an insider told Star.
At this point, Chris Brown has issued a public apology to his battered girlfriend, and has said that he is seeking counseling from his pastor and mother, and is committed to being a better person.
That is typical behavior for an abuser. They are often remorseful...until they get upset again.
"Actually a typical abuser doesn't have an anger control issue, he truly thinks that this is what love looks like. He thinks he's supposed to control the woman in his life," explains Chai Shenoy, an attorney with Break the Cycle, a non-profit which educates teens to live without violence.
No matter what, Rihanna needs to listen to someone who has walked in her shoes. She should buy Tina Turner's autobiography, I Tina, ASAP and read about Turner's honest account of her life with an abusive lover.
Rihanna -- take it from Tina and walk away from Chris Brown now and for good! And don't look back!
Follow Bonnie on Twitter at twitter.com/bonniefuller
Photos: Getty
Loading comments…
Want to reply to a comment? Hint: Click "Reply" at the bottom of the comment; after being approved your comment will appear directly underneath the comment you replied to
Do you really think the picture wasn't leaked out by Rihanna's camp to begin with? Come on people this is Hollywood not real life...
I disagree with the overall message of this piece.
And Rihanna aside, it is dangerous and irresponsible to tell women "just leave". Women are in more danger from abusive partners for 18 months after leaving than they are at anytime in the relationship. That is why abuse-hotlines NEVER tell a woman to "just leave."
Before leaving women have to plan, they have to find support - from family and friends - they have to safe-guard any children they may have.
There are no easy or happy or safe solutions for too many women suffering from abuse. The "just leave" message is counter-productive and shifts blame on the victims.
As everyone discusses why Rihanna should leave Brown because he MAY ONE DAY try to kill her, one aspect of this story that I feel is not getting the attention it deserves is the fact that Chris Brown MAY HAVE BEEN TRYING TO KILL Rihanna already during this altercation.
According to reports, he said he was going to kill her and choked her until she lost consciousness. When she came to, he was nowhere to be seen... having been whisked away by his security detail. It's not completely unrealistic to imagine that he may have thought her dead already when he ran away. So that her fainting may have saved her life.
I posted this when the story first came out. Run, don't walk.
not a big dr. phil fan but he does have some real wisdom regarding human behavior ---
"The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior ......"
Don't worry. Coming from the Caribbean myself if Chris ever touch down in any of the caribbean islands and he is recognize that would be the end of him
Rihanna returing to Chris will be the biggest mistake in life and career. I sincerely don't think that she is that stupid.
More than a few victims of domestic abuse have wound up dead after returning to their abuser. It is a very dangerous situation and will become more dangerous if she keeps returning to him. One day her threat will "If you hurt me again I will leave you forever" and he will make sure another man never has her. Ever. She needs to move on while she is still able to.
You go, girlfriend!
Bonnie :
1) I agree. As much as I wanna know how bad CB hit/hurt Ri the police shouldnt have let these pics leak. I wonder how much tmz paid the officer?
2) However unless Rihanna herself says or her publicist says
1)Im willing 2 4give Chris
2) Im reaching out 2 Chirs via text msg
3) I think it was a 1 time incident
, stop thinking Ri isnt done w Chirs. Bonnie you're going from speculation from trash tabloids "star" & "us weekly". If it were ppl mag or ok mag printing the reports, tehn they'd have some credence.
Lastly, while some, even many ladies have low self esteem, I dont think Ri has it. Who knows hat they were arguing ir fighting over. Do u listen 2 Ri , heard her interviews, or follow her career? She def doesnt have low self esteem.
If you let yourself get beaten, you have low self-esteem. Even once. Believe me, he has been rough with her more than once and if she stays with him, it will escalate further.
Ladies, the first time he hits you, you tell him it's over. That's self-esteem.
Here's one angle on this I haven't heard mentioned:
They were on their way to the GRAMMIES when this happened, where they were both scheduled to appear. How much lack of control did he have to start hitting his girlfriend in the face between a party and the Grammies?
In other words, he was seriously out of control if he couldn't keep it together at such an important moment in both their careers. That is major out of control time.
They were leaving a Grammy party the night before the grammies. Again the full story hasn't come out yet. And all of the timelines given so far don't make any logical sense. Court case is next month when the details should be laid out.......wait and watch. Speculation didn't work on Wall Street any better than it does anywhere else.
People that are now making excuses for him are pathetic. There were lots of clues on wall street people just ignored them for their own greed. The pictures are enough, period. No EXCUSE for him beating her.
Run, Rhianna, run!
My sister was a battered wife. Leave or he will KILL YOU.
My Father was an abuser, and my Mother put up with it for 45 years...why, I will never understand. Her usual explanation was she felt sorry for him...I think alot of women fall into that trap...realize the man is sick, and want to play a savior role, when in reality, the only ones they need to save are themselves from either psycological or physical ruin, or, as some find, death.
Since Tina Turner is alive and well, it would be appropriate to let her speak for herself, should she so choose.
I'm with you on that one. It was my first thought when I realized that this was not actual advice from Ms. Turner.
That is a misleading headline. It makes it appear that Tina Turner actually spoke to Rhianna and gave her advice. You're surmising that's what Tina would say.
From the few columns I have read, this is what is commonly done in this column. Invent what if situations and write as if it is fact. Bonnie did this a couple of weeks ago with a story on the First Lady. She made up stuff in that article as well, as if she was a close personal friend of the First Lady.
There is nothing wrong in doing that...
I am sad.
I am sad not only for Rihanna, but also for the many other abused women in similar situations, but without money or fame.
He is sorry, for now. She is staying with him, even at risk of life and limb.
The story is old.
I hope this isn't true...she needs to get far, far away from him before the next time ends in tragedy.
You must be logged in to comment. Log in or connect with
