An Interview with an Undecided American Voter in Colorado

The Undecided American Voter. I will admit that I am confused by him. I am flummoxed by his continued indecision. (Or her continued indecision, as it were.)

And the truth of the matter is, it wasn't always this way. For a long time I was tolerant of the Undecided American Voter, sensitive and even appreciative of his need to be deliberate. But those days are over now, I'm afraid. It seems I have passed some sort of critical internal threshold. The clock is ticking ever louder as Election Day draws near. The tension is unbearable. I can't continue to suffer in this freakish political gray area anymore. My nerves can't take it. I'm developing a head tic. I'm desperate for a verdict. I need some resolution.

I mean, think about it, Undecided American Voter: We've endured eight long years of George W. Bush and two long years of electoral gamesmanship. An interminable primary season and a heated general campaign. The conventions have long since come and gone. We've witnessed three nationally televised presidential debates and a vice presidential contest that garnered record-breaking viewership numbers. The economy has collapsed. Sarah Palin has cemented Tina Fey's status as an American cultural icon. Colin Powell has made a stirring and sensational appearance on Meet the Press.

What more do you need, Undecided American Voter? What other policy implications must the media parse?

 

And so with this in mind, Undecided American Voter, I made the executive decision to seek you out. And ultimately I found you. I scoured the country, placed several long-distance phone calls to a variety of high-level sources, and wrote a flurry of pandering emails to members of the political underground. By the grace of God, I was able track you down in Colorado---a battleground state of tremendous importance. You fit the profile perfectly and met all of my required criteria: You are historically conservative, economically oriented, and genuinely (to the best of my knowledge) completely undecided as of late October 2008.

*To my readers: This particular Undecided American Voter was willing to talk with me at length provided I not reveal his name to the general public. And so I agreed to sit down with him---without preconditions---in an effort to learn what drives his maddeningly ambivalent cause. This is, I assure you, a real-live interview with a real-live Undecided American Voter.

As always, I have done my best to maintain a high level of candor and totally inappropriate behavior.

A transcript of the conversation can be found below.

As always, I thank you for your kind attention.

Intransigently,
BL

www.bradlisti.com
www.thenervousbreakdown.com

 

AN INTERVIEW WITH AN UNDECIDED AMERICAN VOTER FROM COLORADO

 

So what the fuck, man? Why are you still undecided?

Undecided American Voter: I'm undecided not because everything is already out there, but because everything is changing daily leading up to the election. My primary concern is the economy. The economy has always been the most important thing to me. Although I'm registered as Unaffiliated, I have voted Republican every time. In my younger years, it was because my father and his father and mother and her father had always been part of the Grand Old Party, and it was always because of economic policy, part of which my great-grandfather helped to create along the way.

How so?

He was the United States Secretary of the Treasury a long time ago. He believed in the decreased role of the federal government and was adamantly opposed to tax increases. He was a huge fan of free markets. He also, on a personal level, believed in carrying little or no debt. Obviously, the world wouldn't function properly without credit, but I think he might be appalled by the current situation in regard to the loose lending policies that the Bush Administration helped create---and not by itself, I should add. He also might turn over in his grave if I vote for Obama. But as an Obama supporter you should be happy I'm still on the fence because every day that goes by I seem to inch closer to his side.

Would you describe your current condition as "slight chocolate fever" or "a touch of the socialist flu?"

Chocolate fever for sure.

What do you make of the current economic crisis?

Just the other day Alan Greenspan came out and said the free markets might be flawed. Alan-fucking-Greenspan! Are you kidding me? He wet his pants at the sound of the words "free markets." He got credit for the spectacular run that we enjoyed during the 90's. And now he's talking government intervention. Times have certainly changed---and they're changing daily. Which is why I'm still waiting to make my decision. A year ago when the Dow was at 14K, no doubt in my mind which way I was headed, but now all bets are off. I mean look, I'd rather see a good market and pay higher gains than have a shitty market only to protect those lousy gains, if there are any gains at all. Lastly, one man does not a market make. I think that the markets will continue to be cyclical, more or less, as history has always shown us.

Warren Buffet has endorsed Barack Obama, and nobody knows how to read markets quite like that guy. For financial people, this is like an endorsement from Yoda, isn't it? Doesn't this sort of thing have an impact on you?

Absolutely. We've owned Berkshire Hathaway since Buffet bought General Re, the re-insurance titan. He famously said, "Be fearful when others are greedy. Be greedy when others are fearful." He was right and continues to act on this principle. Incidentally, I'm reading Alice Shroeder's The Snowball: Warren Buffet and The Business of Life right now. It's fascinating, and it weighs ten pounds.

So tell me: What further information do you need in order to make your decision?

Are you insinuating that I'm not informed?

No, not at all. I'm just curious to know if there's something specific that you're waiting to hear.

Well, I basically just keep waiting to see how the markets will respond daily. And I need more time to listen to people---conservatives in particular---as they try to answer the big questions that threaten the economy.

What big questions?

How deep is this credit crisis, really? What regional banks might fail? What credit card companies might fail? What types of retail problems will occur through the holiday season? How will the consumer hold up? And so on. Of course, the possibility exists that some of this information is already out there. I admit that I'm not privy to every detail.

Me neither. I tend to believe that it might be impossible to truly be "informed" as an American citizen. You gotta wonder who out there is actually truly informed.

There are those who have an astounding amount of knowledge on every issue and on all of the players. Good for them. It seems a lot of Americans don't. Or can't. And on a more tangential note, I don't like being placed into a camp just because I say I might go with McCain due to fiscal policy. Does that make me pro-life? No. Does it make me any of the ridiculous things that make up the crazy Far Right? No. (Sorry, Far Right.) I believe in separation of church and state. I'm pro-choice. But there is no candidate on either ticket who does exactly what I want. So you pick your battles. And frankly, by waiting this long to decide, I'm beginning to think that Obama might be a good fit. It's tough, you know. I like Obama. And instead of giving him these wonderful accolades about his magical persona, let's tell it like it is: The guy is articulate, decently fair and balanced, and a real talent in the dark world of politics. He's a master. But McCain would keep capital taxes gains down!

Join the revolution. I beg of you. Vote for Barack Obama!

[Silence.]

And you live in Colorado---a very important battleground state. Do you have any sense of how things might go in the Rocky Mountains come November 4th?

I ride my bike a lot, and there seem to be more Obama/Biden signs than McCain/Palin signs. Go Broncos.

And when do you expect to become a decided voter?

Before the election.

Is it fair to say that you're you leaning one way or the other, or are you truly in the exact middle?

I'm leaning, but not in one direction.

Are you experiencing any back pain?

My back hurts all the time, and I'm hoping that one of these guys can fix it by providing me with easier access to incredibly strong painkillers.

I thank you greatly for your time and consideration, but you have done nothing to alleviate my considerable anxiety.

Sorry.

Do you, as an Undecided American Voter, have any final thoughts you'd like to share with your fellow countrymen?

Not really.

 

 

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Comments

[Fjlisti]

It is difficult because Obama is convincing in stating change to the masses, particularly with the economy upside down. At the same time, his position on taxation, spending, health care, labor,etc. are socialistic and difficult for someone like me to swallow.
Do I think the we can survive the Obama years? Yes!
Can I compromise my principle beliefs and vote for him? No!

[wolfi101]

I'm an undecided voter, too.

I can't decide, if I'm going to vote -for- Obama or -against- McCain.

[JohnnyBoyyy]

EXACTLY!

An undecided voter, at this stage, can assuredly be labeled "LOW INFORMATION VOTER". We knew they existed, AND we've known all along that they have no dauuummm idea whatz goin on!

I am surprised you had the patience to address them, Mr. Listi, but I suppose somebody had to point out the sad story.

This Is OUR Time - This Is OUR Moment.

Obama/Biden -08/12!!!