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Brandon Mendelson
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Entries by Brandon Mendelson

The People Who Made Mike Tyson's Punch-Out Are Racist

(6) Comments | Posted December 29, 2010 | 2:04 PM

A common complaint from pundits is that the images we're given in popular culture are racist. I am not about to address this concern. But. After playing Mike Tyson's Punch-Out! during a recent vacation, I can tell you the people who made this game are fucking racists.

Think about it:...

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Are You the White Man for the Job?

(1) Comments | Posted December 17, 2010 | 11:31 AM

Anyone can play Santa Claus successfully, assuming they're white. Its not that we're racist, but... have you ever seen a successful black Santa?

Neither have we.

This is one of the last jobs in America where we can discriminate and have everyone be ok with it. So, don't...

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Who Needs Ambien When You Have WWE Smackdown?

(3) Comments | Posted September 21, 2010 | 2:51 PM

My wife and I just moved to the bustling metropolis that is downtown Glens Falls. I hate it. She loves it. But since she has a real job and family around here, I have to deal with it.

"Dealing with it" was easier when I had cable and Monday Night...

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How Google Rewards the Worst of the Web

(0) Comments | Posted May 12, 2010 | 3:03 PM

I love Google. Well, as much as a married man reserving his "celebrity exception" for Halle Berry can love them. I live in Gmail,  and I'm amazed by people who waste money when they could instead take advantage of Google's free offerings. So Google? Big fan. 

But Capital G, we...

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How Opening Magic Booster Boxes Turned Me Off From Vegas

(0) Comments | Posted May 1, 2010 | 1:57 PM

I'm going to share something with you that I probably ... Actually? Who cares. I don't plan on running for office. I did at one point, but now I'll just be happy writing Wonder Woman comics.

Hey, don't judge. With Facebook acting the way it is, we're not far from...

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Hoarding Magic Cards Makes You an Asshole

(0) Comments | Posted May 1, 2010 | 10:34 AM

In order to qualify for the Pro Tour, I have to play all Magic formats well. With March's Reserved List decision, I'm not sure how I'm going to practice with the older formats.

The Reserved List is a bunch of cards that were printed years ago that Wizards...

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Where's My Time Traveling Delorean?

(0) Comments | Posted April 20, 2010 | 12:09 PM

The only stench more powerful than my failure at the Rise Of the Eldrazi pre-release was one player's marijuana antiperspirant.

I'm not sure where you can purchase that, but it's probably less expensive than Axe.

In a Sealed Deck tournament, players gets six booster packs of Magic: The Gathering...

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The Reasonable Man Flushes Twice

(2) Comments | Posted April 8, 2010 | 10:52 AM

I'm easily distracted.

What was I saying?

Oh. I'm distracted by this tug of war between my Smart Brain and Dumb Brain.

Smart Brain has lofty ambitions, such as taking the wife to see Trans-Siberian Orchestra and discovering a way to punch cancer in the balls.


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I Powerbomed a Dude for Making Fun of Magic

(0) Comments | Posted March 27, 2010 | 10:59 AM

My parents sent me to this day camp. I was eleven and hated it. I know. Poor me, having to go to summer camp when people are eating each other in New Jersey.

I didn't get along with the the kids there. That stemmed from an incident when a bunch...

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Finding A Hobby That Doesn't Involve Bikini Suplexes

(0) Comments | Posted March 22, 2010 | 2:19 PM

I'm looking for a new hobby. The last one involved browsing a women's wrestling company's website and laughing at the double entendres used for their titles.

My wife frowns on this, so I'm looking for something cheap, family-friendly, and involving fully clothed people.

I thought about things I enjoyed when...

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HULU's Big Dream Could Be Television's Nightmare

(4) Comments | Posted March 2, 2010 | 4:08 PM

I'm told by people at HULU that they're watching the show's performance like Simon Cowell watches a struggling American Idol contestant, ready to swoop down and seize their opportunity. The show's fate could determine how HULU proceeds with its offerings.

Right now? They're cautious about original programming. As they should...

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One Book's Stunningly Unprintable Fate

(0) Comments | Posted March 2, 2010 | 2:24 PM

Did you know everyone in Romania speaks Klingon? When they lost the Internet during the zombie uprising, two enterprising Russians decided to unload their warehouse full of Klingon for the Galactic Traveler. If you don't know Klingon, you can't travel in Romania. Coincidently, sales of The Klingon Hamlet have never...

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Do Grandma a Favor and Cut the 'LOLSpeak'

(1) Comments | Posted January 25, 2010 | 2:39 PM

I was at Numbskullz playing in a Magic tournament. Across my table was a regular Batman and Robin. I was losing. Badly. Batman told me my attempts to win were, "full of fail." Robin chimed in with a "Lulz"" and a "Can I Haz Victory?"

Remember when saying "Fail" or...

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Birthdays, It's the Thought That Counts

(1) Comments | Posted December 28, 2009 | 1:26 PM

Birthdays suck. Nobody wants to get old. And most of the time? You get awful gifts you're going to forget about tomorrow.

We have an unhealthy obsession with birthdays in America, and I blame the greedy greeting card lobby. You may know about the oil and health insurance lobbys,...

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How to Properly Spread Holiday Cheer

(0) Comments | Posted December 21, 2009 | 12:44 PM

I'm a big fan of the Christmas season. Hanukkah isn't really a huge deal, despite what my non-Jewish friends might tell you. And I'm also convinced Kwanzaa is a giant fake, but Christmas? I'm a fan. Even with its own sketchy origins, Christmas is the anchor for the month. Sometimes...

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Soulless Social Media Words

(0) Comments | Posted November 4, 2009 | 1:18 PM

Lately I can’t seem to read a blog post that doesn’t involve any of the following words and phrases.

These words are a menace. One worse than banner ads were...

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Shocking Barack: An Interview with Powercyclists on a Mission to the White House

(3) Comments | Posted October 19, 2009 | 10:59 AM

Brian Wismann and Dave Schiff are currently making their way across America on Brammo Enertia powercycles. Their mission? Present to President Obama the solution to America's transportation crisis. Everything you need to know about their project, Shocking Barack is here!

Tell us about yourselves and your ride.

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Do You Rock With Jesus?

(0) Comments | Posted October 8, 2009 | 3:10 PM

Trooper, Slightly Imperfect, Pablo, The Dirty Italian, and I were forced to go to a “Transfer Orientation” a day after arriving at SUNY Potsdam.

We had all gathered in my...

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River Rats, Phantoms, and Amanda, Oh My!

(0) Comments | Posted September 30, 2009 | 4:07 PM

SUNY Potsdam is a great place to watch hockey. Everyone’s cold and pissed off, so all the hatred and bitterness that comes with going to school in the arctic comes out during the games.

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I Just Became The Mayor Of Your Rectum!

(0) Comments | Posted September 30, 2009 | 3:47 PM

I haven't played Foursquare yet, but I know the gist of it: You go to places in real life and get points for doing so. The more you check in, the more rewards (badges) you get.

Check in enough and you get a cool title, like being nominated...

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