Prostitution? "Not in our town!" says Las Vegas. Of course, everything else is fine...but the selling of sex is just waaay out of line. Over the weekend 50 ladies were arrested for various whore-related activities in an effort to keep repeat offenders off the strip. Good luck with that, guys! It's noted that these gals were referred to as some of the most "prolific prostitutes"...as if each one has a bronze bust of themselves in the "Prostitute Museum." Which reminds me...I still have to go over those plans for my new "Prostitute Museum."
In honor of Fashion Week here in New York City, I've assembled a veritable Justice League of Hookers to lend their critiques of these young ladies' looks and I did it all for under $50.
"Misty-Crystal," famous Daytona Beach whore, visiting, invented the blumpkin.
"Katarina," drunk Russian prostitute, once had a husband, will do a girl for "right price."
"Tawny Brown," AKA Browntown, stands near the 1/9 off ramp in Secaucus, NJ.
Brandon: Let's start with Samara. I say, "why so combative"? A little Clearasil wouldn't hurt either.
Tawny: One time I got in the car with some dude I met on the highway and there was this girl that be in the backseat all aksin' me questions and I was like "You betta back up outta my face! This is between me an' my man, okay?" And she was like "You don't know me!" And I punched her and she be bleedin' all over so I got out the car and left. This girl looks like that bitch.
Misty-Crystal: I love that cute haircut!
Katarina: $25
Misty-Crystal: Holy shit I thought that girl was my brother for a second back when he had long hair! That is so crazy! But he's dead anyway.
Brandon: I feel like this is the before picture on the Meth poster. And I mean that as a compliment.
Katarina: If only my daughter was as pretty...she could work instead of go to school.
Tawny: Where she get her lashes at?
Brandon: Jacqueline. She has a nice energy about her. It's too bad she spends so much time on her knees. I bet she's a lot of fun.
Katarina: I like smile.
Tawny: I bet ya do.
Misty-Crystal: Do ya'll know where I can get some weed?
Brandon: HELLO!
Tawny: She got some nice titties on her. And ooooo I like that jacket! Go on, sista! Heeeeeey!
Misty-Crystal: I like her styles. I mean, like, she could be a model or, like, a contestant on that Flavor Flav show.
Katarina: Flavors of Love.
Misty-Crystal: Oh yeah.
Brandon: I get the impression that Latrice just doesn't care. (laughs) Anyway, you get back what you put out in life so maybe Latrice's expression is a reflection of something bigger that's troubling her.
Katarina: Blacks are always mad at everybody because they are black.
Tawny: Say what? Oh no you did not just say that. You betta don't!
Misty-Crystal: I'm really itchy ya'll. How long more do we gotta do this?
Tawny: Why she be cryin'? You a ho. You know you a ho. Dat's what you do, baby. Dis girl betta learn to handle her business, you know what I'm sayin?
Misty-Crystal: Oh my God, I seen that guy on American Idol!
Brandon: Well Rowena, when life gives you lemons...
Katarina: Mix with vodka and sugar.
Tawny: Dats a dude. And you know what? Ain't nobody gon' give you no money wearin' a stupid-ass sweatshirt, okay?
Misty-Crystal: I get cold and sometimes I throw on a sweatshirt or another tank top. I think it's fine. I also got cuts so it covers them up. You know, you gotta make your product look good and stuff.
Brandon: Ladies, you have to keep your brows looking tight. Let this be a lesson.
Katarina: Chinese girl will do anything for man.
Brandon: I feel like Latoya is a lost soul in a fun top. A curious spirit.
Tawny: Girl got some teeth!
Misty-Crystal: I'm getting' real tired ya'll.
Brandon: Alright, then. Well, ladies, it's been a pleasure. Thank you for your insight!
Katarina: Do you have horse? $50 and I will go down on...
Brandon: No, thank you.
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