Dear Black Women:
First, let me say, I am not specifically writing to you because I feel that you need to be saved or because you are any worse off than other women. I am simply writing to you because I am you. I identify with Black women, because I too am a Black woman. Therefore, I am much more comfortable talking openly to and about my collective self. Still, if this open letter helps the masses, great! I am all for it....
Now, last night I watched my regular dose of "Reality" TV. While I know that most reality shows are scripted, those scripts are often influenced by a bigger truth that needs a conversation. And man, Love and Hip Hop Atlanta showcased some real winners last night! Black women, what happened to us? We have gone from mothers of this earth; strong and proud backbones of our men, to ignorant, groupie, door mats! We are better than this!
Ladies, we have to first know how to love God, and ourselves, before we can profess to love or teach anyone else how to love. When we allow ourselves to be used for our bodies, to be degraded as sexual objects and toys, we are to blame; not men. A man is going to do to a woman, what that woman allows. Until we stop taking their crap, they won't stop giving it. How many of these men that my sisters are running behind, have a relationship with God? If they did, they wouldn't sin, incessantly, as they do. Sleeping around, apologizing, and the doing it again, is not just sinning it's a habit, a choice and a lifestyle. But women, when you keep going back, after countless times of being hurt and misused, you have made a choice to accept whatever that man wants to give you. Don't make excuses for him. Everyone chooses their path. And women, we have to stop clinging to the very things that God wants us to rid ourselves of. Ladies, we are clinging to fairy tales and fantasies. The allure of love is not enough to accept rude and obnoxious behavior. That is not love!
Let me tell you about love, real love. Love doesn't make you hurt. Love doesn't cuss you out. Love doesn't leave you when things are good and come back when things are bad and low. Love doesn't tear you apart either. Love builds you up, and makes you better because of it. Love heals and promotes the best of each individual. Love is also not blind! Love sees all, and conquers it. Real love, doesn't wait on change, it is the change.
Love of a man, is not the only love Black women are missing. We don't love each other anymore. Bitch and being called bitch, is not cute. It is not a term of endearment, so stop using it as such. Saying that I am calling my best girl friend a bitch because she means the world to me doesn't change the word. It simply makes you look ridiculous for such an laudable explanation.
Then too, as a community of women, we are so self-centered that it sickens me! Why do we have to dislike the next lady because she is getting herself together, has confidence and a swagger that is undeniable? Applaud her efforts. Emulate those efforts. Don't judge her because you feel insecure in her presence. Likewise ladies, don't point your finger at another woman because you feel better than her. You are no better! Looks, are not everything in life, those will fade. Get some substance to yourself. Let's get back to helping each other. If you see a sister that doesn't have it together, help her and show her how. Likewise, if you see a woman who is so fierce that she makes you take pause to notice her, compliment that! Ladies, don't close your selves off to others. Welcome support, love and responsibility for our community. We are the only people capable of changing our situations.
We have become a laughing stock because of our antics. The media and outsiders would have nothing to manipulate, create stories around or bias, if we didn't write a story for them to begin with. We are better than this! So I am starting with me, and vowing to change. Will you take up the challenge?
Sincerely,
Your Sister
Follow Brandy Williams on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@DaWriterChik
I'm an atheist.
Something old has to pass away before the truth can come!!! You may have an old mind-set, old ways of talking or acting, and God will confront you with the truth about where you are so you can leave that place and step up to the next level. Why? Because God loves you that much!!!
The Bible tells us that “many will be offended” in these last days. We should not be among them. It poisons lives and attitudes and steals your love walk.
“And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another” (Matthew 24:10).
The Bible tells us to “Keep your heart with all diligence.” Walk in love. Become known as that woman/man of God who walks the walk that Jesus has laid out for each and every one of us.
“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life” (Proverbs 4:23)
I enjoyed this article very much and I agree that women everywhere have lowered their standards to have a man; keep a man; be seen with a man (usually someone's husband). I find this appalling!!! :(
I don't know where to start. Your victim-blaming message is nothing short of dangerous! It's already bad enough everyone receives this misogynistic message constantly through media and countless other avenues- but to write an open letter to black women penned "in love" is incredibly destructive. Did I read somewhere that you are getting your PhD with a focus on domestic violence? I don't know any school that would teach or support this vile and archaic doctrine. As a fellow mental health professional, I am more concerned of the damage you could potentially due to your future clients. Maybe you could start here: http://stoprelationshipabuse.org/educated/avoiding-victim-blaming/, but please do more extensive research on this subject before you do any more harm to people you are attempting to help.
People in the media continue to capitalize on sexism and racism. The perpetuation of stereotypes in many of these "reality TV" shows are tools to further support racism in our society and internalized racism that unfortunately many black people suffer from. Again, you are choosing to victim blame by wagging a finger at black women instead of pointing out the puppeteers profiting from these new-age minstrel shows.
I am writing an open letter to people who want to write an open letter to Black women and put the open letter on Huffington Post because I just read a post on Huffington Post called “An Open Letter to Black Women.” Well I hate to tell you but I am a proud black woman and I am writing from my blog because most of my readers are Black women.
Leave me alone. Get off my behind. I have had enough of people making money off of my back by tearing me down. Its not enough for you to support negative images but we now have Black females joining the bash Black women and then write something to fix us by using Jesus, telling me how I must roll over for Black men at all costs and its all our fault life sucks for us cash cow too.
http://bougieblackgirl.com/2012/07/19/an-open-letter-to-people-who-want-to-write-an-open-letter-to-black-women-and-put-it-on-huffington-post/
generalizations about Black women based on a TV show you did I guarantee folks would be protesting. Next time speak for yourself and the people you know and not for 17 million Black women.
The problem is BET. The problem is MTV. The problem is Def Jam. The problem is Tyler Perry and Wendy Williams and Russell Simmons and everyone else who has decided to make their dollars out of reducing our culture to buffoonery. But the problem is also us, because we do not turn off that set or that radio. We buy music from Chris Brown, knowing we ought not. We listen to R. Kelly. We go to Eddie Long's church. I can only imagine what that love and hip hop show is about from its description, but it was built upon generations now of vitriolic cultural cues that we as a People can't seem to stop swallowing. The problem begins and ends when all of us decide enough is enough. Who pledges, right here, right now, to stop watching reality TV? Who cares enough to take even one step?