The dating scene in our country has been irreparably changed by the advent of technology. Women and men alike peruse a phone screen's worth of information, as if shopping for their next pair of heels, to determine if the person on the other end would be worthy of a date. According to Dating Sites Reviews there are 91 million people around the world using dating apps.
I can't tell you how many times I've heard girlfriends say, "I am tired of being single, but I don't want to online date again." I'm even guilty of the same sentiment. But, what's the answer?
Audrey Schulman was in the same place in 2012. She had online dated in the past, which was a fairly positive experience but not positive enough to meet her long-term someone. Schulman wasn't just relying on this to meet someone, "I was doing everything you're supposed to do when meeting friends or a nice guy - hosting potlucks, volunteering, attending events, etc. yet it wasn't really working."
Frustrated with her dating options, Schulman found an unlikely solution through a hobby, " I have always loved to bake. I'm not a trained or gourmet baker. I just always loved to bake cakes for friends." One night towards the end of the year, Schulman ended up in a bar for a birthday party with one of her cakes in tow.
After serving everyone in the party, Schulman looked around to see all of the guys in the bar staring at her and staring at the cake. She could tell they wanted some, but knew that it was a little weird for them to ask. "I would have never approached a guy in a bar without cake. I learned quickly that it was the perfect way to talk to guys. There was no strings attached and the conversation quickly transitioned to other things like occupations or hobbies."
At the end of the night, she had talked to every guy in the bar. Her best friend leaned over to her, "This is how you'll meet a boyfriend. You just need to bake cakes and sit in bars." Schulman wasn't easily convinced. But the remainder of the year went by without any dates and she seriously considered the ideas as a valid way to put herself out into the world.
"I decided to bake a cake every weekend for a year and bring it to bars around Los Angeles. My first attempt was terrifying. My best friend and I walked into the bar carrying a cake, but I didn't know what to do. The bar was too crowded. We left and went to a second bar where I talked to a guy sitting next to me and gave him a piece of cake." The experience gave Schulman hope that maybe she could meet a nice guy that year.
During 2013, Schulman baked 50 cakes and served them in bars from Los Angeles to Nashville to Oklahoma to Wisconsin. "I made up the rules as I went and documented each weekend on my blog. I got really comfortable approaching guys and by the end of the year I didn't need the cake to do it."
The experience ended up not only being transformative for her dating life, but also brought stronger connections with her friends and family. Each weekend different girlfriends would accompany her to different bars to complete her mission. Her guy friends would even jump in to help with logistics and strategy.
Schulman's blog gained recognition and started receiving press. Comments and support were coming in from people other than friends. One of the guys she wrote about even found her blog by accident. "He ended up friending me on Facebook after we met. He sent me an angry comment about feeling used. But I responded kindly and we've been friends ever since."
The last night she went out was a particularly memorable one, "At that point I felt like so many people were on my 'cake team.' I was in Nashville for the holidays and made a cake for New Years Eve. My mom helped me make frosting for the cake, friends I grew up with came along, and my best friend from Los Angeles was even there. We took cake to a bar and gave cake to everyone. I had so much fun that night. I knew that it was over and I hadn't found a boyfriend, but it didn't really matter at that point. I knew I had a book deal. I knew I had a great years worth of writing and experiences. I was so happy and content. I realized in that moment that I didn't really need a boyfriend - he'll come along when he comes along. Little did I know that a month later I'd meet my boyfriend that I'm with now."
While Schulman's year of bars and cake didn't directly result in her meeting a boyfriend, it did indirectly impact her dating life. "I was set up on a blind date a month after I finished my blog. A friend had been reading my blog and connected us, which I don't think would have happened without the blog." As for her social life, Schulman doesn't go to bars anymore. But she does still bake cakes.
In fact, she has embarked on some new cake baking adventures in conjunction with her book, Sitting in Bars with Cakes. Schulman will be hosting an event in Los Angeles on Saturday, December 5, 2015 at 5:30pm. There will be a cake demonstration with wine and cake at The Traveler's Bookstore, 8375 W. 3rd Street, Los Angeles, 90048.