FEMA's Fake News Show Unwatchable

FEMA, the federal disaster agency, has apologized repeatedly for conducting a fake news briefing on the California wildfires. In what appeared to be a real press conference, FEMA employees asked questions when no actual journalists were present. As a former fake journalist on The Daily Show, I am filled with fake outrage.

This fake news conference held by FEMA is a slap in the face to fake journalists everywhere. I dedicated a significant part of my career to bringing respect to fake journalism. I spent years making fake journalism credible; a viable alternative to the real news. It is because of people like me, and the fake news industry, that Frank Rich and Maureen Dowd even have something to write about in The New York Times.

But to hear these employees of FEMA so feebly, so inadequately impersonate fake journalists breaks my heart; it's an insult to the men and women who have so nobly posed as journalists throughout fake journalism's history.

I give FEMA an "F" for staging the worst fake press conference in fake news history. Listen to these pathetic fake questions directed to deputy administrator Harvey Johnson; asked by FEMA employees who clearly lack any standards of fakery:

Question #1: "Sir, there are a number of reports that people weren't heeding evacuation orders and that was hindering emergency responders. Can you speak a little to that, please?"

First of all, no fake journalist worth their salt would ever blame the victims of these fires for the slow response of state and local agencies. A qualified fake journalist would immediately blame Michael Brown, the former FEMA head who presided over the lame response to Hurricane Katrina. Brown doesn't work for FEMA anymore, but a good fake journalist would figure out a way to link him to this disaster anyway.

Question #2: "Can you address a little bit what it means to have the president issue an emergency declaration, as opposed to a major disaster declaration? What does that mean for FEMA?"

Who gives a rat's ass what it means for FEMA? For someone whose house is on fire, it's both an emergency AND a disaster. A real fake journalist would figure out how to link it to Michael Brown, again, and then ask, "What is it that you people do all day besides put on fake news briefings?"

Here's the next question.

Question #3: "Sir, we understand the secretary and the administrator of FEMA are on their way out there. What is their objective? And is there anyone else traveling with them?"

Who else is traveling with the FEMA secretary? Maybe his dog, Buster? No, the question should be "Is Michael Brown traveling with the FEMA secretary?" How unfake can these journalists get!?

And finally...

Question #4: "Are you happy with FEMA's response, so far?"

Actually, this is a fantastic fake question. This FEMA employee could have asked more overtly, "Isn't FEMA great? The greatest government agency on the face of the planet?" And as a follow-up, "You're just the best, the best deputy administrator ever! Would you agree?" But here, FEMA's best fake journalist-employee puts just the right amout of sincerity on it to make this, not a good fake question, but a great fake question.

Still, the lesson in all this for FEMA is clear. Leave the fake journalism to real fake journalists. And maybe, just maybe FEMA can fix a disaster that isn't of its own making...or Michael Brown's.

Comments

[realitytrumpsbull]

Broadcast TV in general has gotten pretty
unwatchable...

[Driver125]

Come now.... let's give these guys a little leeway. After all, they are breaking ground in some new and uncharted waters and there are bound to be some slip-ups in the early trials. Kudos that they have not taken the easy way out with cardboard cut-outs in the seats and moving lips super-imposed on the faces. Let us look forward to the glorious day when technology will triumph and a full-sized hologram of Bush will be at the podium saying (with the aid of digital technology) anything they want him to say--in flawless English!

[Pneumaticus]

What doesn't America get?! FEMA is but a symptom of the systematic falsification of this country's institutions by the reigning oligarchy to distract us all from noticing that they are looting our resources and our future for their own fun and profit. Wake up and smell this shit for what it is!

[normathumb]

Where was jeff gannon when they needed him?

[ErnestineBass]

In the Oval Office, providing emergency relief to "The Decider".

[WilliamPilgrim]

In June of 1972 I witnessed hurricane Agnes destroy half of our town of Steelton Pa. I distinctly remember the morning the water receded watching a convoy of jeeps driving into town led by 2 Army Corp of Engineers Colonels handing out cash to local contractors. My father was one, they gave him $75K on the spot, it seeded a business that is still in operation today. It was like this up and down the Susquehanna valley. Within a few days the Corps had demolition landfills started, and FEMA had trailor parks going up, it was an impressive operation. Never say you can't depend on the government, they used to be good at this. This was 35 years ago, hell Nixon was president, and FEMA was well prepared and extremely professional, today we have bush who is hell bent on proving government does not work, and now instead of action we get fake newscasts.

[bethinCary]

There's more than FEMAs' sideshow than is unwatchable these days.

[MajorKong]

Sounds like the administration is creating its own reality again.

[OckhamsElectricRazor]

Love it! What wonderful material for a campaign ad in the FAll! Thanks Bush, for showcasing your incompetence and insincerity!

[WilliePilgrim]

Slap-in-the-face indeed, and after all the self-administered slaps to the face that journalism has experienced just in its recent past (why spell out a long litany of the offenses committed in the name of 1st Amendment rights and pursuit of viewership), it's gotta hurt.
As for the silver lining to this cloud, maybe it will highlight for the official news media how awful they look when they too act like FEMA and fail to pursue the tough questions; questions that need to be asked before we elect another clown like the W. Yeah, I kinda blame the media for not pulling the wool away from our eyes when it came to him and his corrupt, dishonest as proven to date, his incompetence in governance...twice!

[peterg76]

Isn't FEMA fake anyway?

[KarenZipdrive]

The idea of a fake news briefing given by the heckuva-job-Brownie crowd is so damned predictable, nobody cares.
By now, America is divided into two camps: those who think the entire Bush administration (including cabinet members) should be dropped into the deepest ocean, and those who are fucking imbeciles who deserve to be hoodwinked by this crowd of losers at every opportunity.
FEMA is a broken piece of shit agency.
There is no national guard left to assist them in disaster relief- they and their equipment are all in Iraq guarding that godless wasteland.
I say FEMA should go on with more fake news briefings--it's not like anyone watches those clowns anyway.

[avicenna]

My question is this - why the heck aren't the American people revolting against this deliberate attempt to manipulate you by your gov't in the most fraudulent of manners? Why isn't this abomination of trust on the front page of every newspaper like Britney Spears head shaving incident? It was passingly mentioned on CNN with the same amount of attention one would pay to someone sneezing indiscretely on TV. With this constant lying, hypocrisy and manipulation - are you all immune? The chronic fatigue is frightening to witness from up here north of the 49th Parallel.

[RevMetheus]

Its happened so much in the last few decades I think most people have given up trying to decipher real news from fake news and hard journalism from editorialism, and those that havent have given up on MSM, so there are few left to take up the outrage.

Seriously, what good would it do anyway? The corporate media isnt beholden to our opinion, the Broadcast Association is the largest lobbying group in the US, the FCC is firmly in the pockets of the media owners, and there isnt one government agency that seems to be held accountable for its actions.

So yet another FEMA chief has stepped down, does that mean we'll get a better one next time, or that the qualified ones will run from the monkey house that has become our government? Whoever leaves will go back into the fold of the lobbies and whoever comes in will have come in from there.

I may sound cynical, but there is only so long you can hope and work for change and see nothing but change for the worse and still be optimistic. The players havent changed since Nixon, but the American public never got their scorecards, so they dont remember the names or deeds.

[realitytrumpsbull]

You mean it hasn't been Fake News for the last
5 years? I'm shocked. No, wait, I'm awed...no, that's not it...wait, it'll come to me...

[Stevelagain]

My understanding is that the man who arranged this is now out of a job....out of two jobs actually. And they are looking into it to see if anyone else should be out of a job.

It was an incredible stupid thing to do. Here you have FEMA by all accounts getting this disaster right, then they stain the entire thing with a fake news conference.

And guess what, if he had simply stood up and said no reporters had arrived but he wants to give the briefing anyway for the benefit of those listening in....he could have given the same briefing, with no fake reporters...and we wouldn't even be talking about it now because it wouldn't be an issue.

[IntrepidReader]

zitlight73 is absolutely correct, a real "journalist" would have prefaced any report with an update on Paris Hilton's whereabouts and whether or not KFed and Britney or their kids were involved in any of the fires (either as victims or perpetrators).

schmuckwithearlaps is also correct in that nobody pays any attention to anything now, real or fake, unless it has to do with sports, dancing, or picking a new singing idol. The msm said a lot more about Marie Osmond fainting on Dancing With the Stars than it did about FEMA's bogus press conference.