11/09/2010 10:50 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Pre-Christmas Shocker! Heads Roll at the Pole--Wall Street Takes Over Santa's Workshop!

NORTH POLE -- In a move that shocked analysts, delighted tinsel manufacturers and brought trading at global exchanges to a brief if stunned silence, GigantiCorp, the world's largest private equity firm, announced today that it was acquiring Santa's Workshop, the family-owned North American toy plant that has been the leading manufacturer and distributor of Christmas gifts, apparel and merriment for more than 970 years.

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