In a stunning turn of events, it has been revealed that the svelte and smooth-dancing, Mr. Snow Miser, is a Democrat. With the Washington Post breaking the story that an arctic blast can be expected for this weekend's 57th inauguration festivities, suspicions about the political influence of Mr. Snow Miser, a.k.a. "Mr. Icicle" and "Mr. 10 Below," have been confirmed.
Last year's White House push to amend the oath of office to, "I do solemnly swear that I will be totes cool and faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States." was apparently not about "Reaching the kewl kidz, yo!" as pitched by the White House and was nothing more than political back-scratching.
There is some speculation that the Obama administration tried to delay announcing the name of the official inaugural weather sponsor until after the swearing-in, but sources close to the undersecretary to the Meteorological Department say that because Mr. Snow Miser's brother, Mr. Heat Miser, was planning on going public, "It was time to let it snow, let it snow, let it snow."
Controversial and conservative Elf Brothers, Jingle and Jangle, who knew Mr. Snow Miser from the 2006 "Year Without Santa" incident, responded, "We knew it all along. Now Mr. Snow Miser has been exposed for the frigid, cold world, lefty Obama-ite that we have always known him to be."
Others have defended the use of Mr. Snow Miser's resources. An anonymous source from the powerful political action committee "Leggings Are So Pants" said, "While we would prefer that the climate for the inauguration to have a bi-meteorological spirit, whether we like it or not, the Supreme Court has ruled that "stop-motion misers" are people and may precipitate their influence as such. Our members will just paint on another pair of wool thermal leggings and enjoy the day."
With just a few days until people begin arriving for the inauguration, it does not appear that the White House will seek the withdrawal of Mr. Snow Misers' presence. A spokesperson said that Mr. Heat Miser has been contacted to see if he would be interested in being the official inauguration seat warmer.
Neither of the Miser brothers could be reached for comment, but despite constant mediation sessions with Ms. Claus, from this video, it is clear that tensions are still high between the two brothers. A full statement from Mr. Snow Miser is expected in the next few days with further rumors pointing to the disclosure of the existence of two lesser known siblings, Warm Summer Breeze Miser and Pleasant Fall Day Miser.
A representative from Santa's Worshop declined to be interviewed for this story.
This was originally posted on www.reyes-chow.com.