VP Selections Draws New "Change" Candidate to the Race

(BG: Stephanie Bowman has been circulating the following text per e-mail among friends. I asked her permission to post it here -- thus taking her bid to the national stage. Stephanie has worked in politics and public affairs in Washington State for fifteen years.)

-- by Stephanie Bowman

Dear Friends,

In light of the extraordinary political events of recent weeks, namely, the announcements by both parties of their vice-presidential running mates, I can no longer sit on the sidelines. Today I am announcing my candidacy for President of the United States on the Independent ticket.

Why now, you ask? What do you have to offer that our mainstream political parties aren't providing?

Actually, my candidacy has the two primary characteristics of both the Obama / Biden ticket as well as recently announced McCain / Palin duo: "change" and "inexperience". However -- as will be a hallmark of my administration -- I efficiently combine these traits in ONE person!

That's right: while Senator Obama chose to dilute his message of "change in Washington" by picking as his running mate the quintessential Washington insider - a white lawyer who has served in the U.S. Senate for over thirty years - Senator McCain, not to be outdone, has announced today he will downplay his message of "experience" by teeming up with Sarah Palin, who's governed the backcountry known as "Alaska" for almost 700 days. For those who may be unfamiliar with Ms. Palin, her prior political experience was Mayor of Wasilla, a "suburb" of Anchorage (uh, isn't the entire state of Alaska really a "suburb" of the United States?).

But, my friends, I'm not here to engage in the politics of smear campaigns against my equally inexperienced change-orientated opponents. No, I ask that you judge my record of "change" and "inexperience" all on its own. That said, I believe it's important to highlight the similarities and differences I share with my opponents.

First, the similarities: Barack Obama was raised in Hawaii; I was raised in Hawaii! Governor Palin attended the University of Idaho; I attended the University of Idaho! Senators McCain and Biden are card-carrying members of AARP; I'm a card-carrying member of AAA! Clearly, with so many important traits in common with the front-runners, I'm qualified to serve as President.

However, there are critical differences: First, both major parities have rightly chosen to highlight the fact that a candidate on each ticket is an avid basketball player, with Governor Palin described as "scrappy" on the court. Being only 5"2, I never had the opportunity to play competitive basketball. However, in a telling tribute to my tenacity, I overcame my vertical challenge and played a real sport - rugby. If you think Barack was cryin' for his mama in that video produced by the DNC, wait 'til you see him blubbering after I bring his scrawny-ass down in a rugby wrap-tackle! (For the record, I also windsurf, but seeing what that did sport did to John Kerry's presidential aspirations, I won't be highlighting it in my campaign).

More importantly, however, while my opponents gloss over their qualifications for national office with media sound-bites, I'm willing to give you explicit details:

• Transportation: I have over twenty-five years experience driving on our nation's highways, and have navigated a vehicle in over forty states during my lifetime. I also utilize mass transit, particularly when attending Mariners' games.

• Entrepreneur / Small Business Owner: Co-Founder with my sisters at age ten of a family business selling shave-ice ("snow-cones") to tourists at the beach.

• Education: I live near several schools. Additionally, as many of you know, I'm a strong proponent of life-long educational opportunities, and am currently enrolled in Seattle University's "Leadership Executive MBA program", where I'm taking such practical classes as accounting and finance, after which completing I'll never use and continue to hire professionals to do this type of work for me.

• Immigration: I worked for several years as a restaurant manager.

• Change: This is probably my strongest attribute. I am familiar and comfortable with change. I've changed jobs. I've changed my oil and air filters, rather than relying on others to change them for me. I've even initiated potentially unpopular change, such as the time a few years ago when I changed my dog's food, just to see if it would elicit a positive change on his digestive system (it didn't, so I changed back - for the record, this is NOT the same as "flip-flopping!" Just ask my dog). In the spirit of transparency, I feel compelled to admit I sometimes forget to change my Britta water filter as often as recommended by the manufacturer. However, the important thing is that I openly admit this, and, like Senator Obama, have found a way to insert the word "change" in this sentence two more times, despite the context.

Finally, I know you still have one burning question about my candidacy: who will be my running mate? Rather than ask my fellow citizens to take valuable time away from the new season of "Dancing with the Stars" and "American Idol" by weighing the pros and cons of my running mate, as the major political parties are selfishly doing, I've decided to not bother with a vice president. After all, as Governor Palin inquired only weeks before her nomination to the second-highest office in the free world, "what does the vice president really do"? So - no VP for me! If anything happens to me while in the Oval Office, my power will be directly translated to Nancy Pelosi, who is running Washington, anyhow (For the record, I'm a big Pelosi fan. You go, girl!).

In closing, however, I have to give props (that's "kudos" to anyone over fifty) to Senator Obama for a point he made in his historic acceptance speech: this campaign isn't about ME, it's about YOU. And having recently turned 40, I am the candidate who is most similar to the majority of Americans. After all, baby boomers were 40, not so long ago. And Gen Xer's will one day be 40, too. In short, I am like you! Which is why, like the other candidates, my inexperience doesn't really matter, as long as it's a change.

Comments

[Kaehoku]

Hear Hear! Stefani for pres. I like it. I hear that on a clear day, you can see tahiti from Hawaii. Does that mean you are french?

[LeftRight]

Unfortunately she needs a Veep! I will hereby nominate my wife. I would do it myself, but alas, the Constitution (pesky thing, that!) requires someone who is at least 35, and I will not be until after the 2012 election. My wife, however, has ALREADY passed that milestone! She is a football/basketball/track mom, who knows more about management than anyone else I know (having had several mangers at the bank where she works!) and knows ALL about finance (working at the aforementioned bank!) And to top it all off, she's WAY cuter than sarah palin!

[Kiwi12]

I will be your running mate!

I'm not actually from the US, but if I go to the top of my building, I think I can see USA from the roof (that counts, doesn't it?)