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Bryan Safi

Bryan Safi

Posted: September 21, 2010 07:03 PM

Remember how mean Old-Man McCain threatened to block movement to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell and we were all like, "um... you're stupid." And then remember how last night we waited to see if Sarah Palin would show up on DWTS to cheer on her little star who's famous for not using a condom? One of those two things didn't happen.

You guys -- Grizzly Mama didn't show! But McCain and every other Republican Senator came through. Efforts to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell failed when the Senate was unable to invoke cloture, which would allow the bill to come back to the floor at some point for another vote. It's basically a second chance to fuck someone you couldn't believe you scored to begin with.

So, why did the vote fail?

It's the same thing we've heard every time we've tried this (and every time I try to get some action from my boyfriend) -- it's a bad time. Please do not disturb. It's just not the time or place. Let's talk about this later -- like in that hotel room we rent on the weekends that has the oversized tub and the million-dollar pancakes. But, no. Not now.

These politicians have mid-term elections in November. And they need to keep up bigoted appearances so they can be re-elected to serve our country for a few more years. So, maybe after November? Or maybe after the 2012 election when Obama secures a second term? Or maybe in 2020, which at least sounds like the future so maybe we'll be on Mars and maybe they'll make it legal on Mars so if we're on Mars, hey, anything's possible? But right now? Haha. No, not now.

Who can we blame?

Pappy McCain (obvs), also Democrat Harry Reid for his "my way or no way" approach in allowing Republicans only one amendment to this bill. And finally, Hope Floats himself -- President Obama who could end this entire thing if he really, really, really wanted to. Today, he went so far as to call himself a "fierce advocate." So why does our fierce advocate keep sending it back to Congress? And why did the man who Hope Floats nominated to head the Marine Corps speak out against the repeal today?! What message is this sending? Because the message I'm receiving is, Hope Floats wants nothing to do with gayness (except the word "fierce").

So where are we to look for any real hope and change? We have one option -- Lady Gaga. Seriously. That's where the hope is. That's who's trying to make a difference here. She put away her Muppet outfits, put on a suit and said, Today I'm gonna use real words instead of giving bjs to expressionist imagery. God Bless You, Lady Gaga. But you look real weird in people clothes.

And unfortunately, what I said about the DADT debates apparently still stands -- when push comes to shove, everyone's still afraid of the gay penis:

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